A Disclaimer

I’ll admit:

At each birthday, there is always
excitement rather than fear.

Fear bubbles to the surface about being

decrepit, in pain and debilitated

dependent

confused

wandering about with no clue

where I am 

who I am ~ for sure ~

being cold all the time

free floating worries
becoming invisible with no shadow

forgetting how to laugh ~ or that I should ~

lost memories

floods of old colliding memories

being alone

incontinence and diapers

fearful of people I have known and loved all my life

forgetting the names of ordinary things like pillow cases

I think this list is growing too long and

there may not be time to complete it.

I do have to drive

to work ~ nursing that I love ~ in an hour or so.

Oh ~ I guess that means

all of the things I am afraid of

are in the future.

Tomorrow?

Next week?

Next year?

Who knows?

Today, I know 

where my feet are

(and I am typing these words ~ writing, creating ~

without anyone standing over my shoulder.)

“I think you have to relax about aging.

What else can you do?”

~ Felicity Kendal

A Month's Worth of Money

A month’s worth of money

in words and in rhyme

an essay, or muse

have ended on time.

Barrels of money 

have not been for me

but spending some money

now that’s fun to see.

New banknotes and bills

stick close together,

while coins of all sizes

fill purses of leather.

This topic of money

quite soon did grow old

but with mother’s stick-to-itiveness

my stories were told.

“I believe there are so many other disciplines and themes that we still haven’t explored yet. It’s infinite what we can apply our creativity to.”

~ Guy Laliberte

Fair Is as Fair Does

Purses fly open.

Wallets are bare.

With all these bills mounting,

it just isn’t fair.

What’s fair is not 

that we’re like all the Joneses,

the Brown’s or the Blacks, 

not even the Perdonses.

The fairness I speak of is in my own hand

to make my home comfortable where ever I land.

Tidiness here, a bit of paint there.

Definitely remember a good rocking chair.

So money will not be an object to me,

when patiently saving to get what I need.

Not in a rush to have things in my home,

I just live in comfort built up on my own.

“I long, as does every human being, 

to be at home wherever I find myself.”

 ~ Maya Angelou

Inconvenience of Spending

It’s really too bad.  

I’ve little to say about money tonight - 

lack of, 

too much of, 

just enough to cover the bills, 

play money, .......

Life does go on for most - 

despite the inconvenience of little money at a time of financial crisis.

It is, however, merely that - an inconvenience,

possibly greater for some than others. 

In a society of convenience, 

crisis for general society, may be

losing, and having to replace, one's keys, 

not being able to purchase a chosen brand name, 

having to wear clothing for a bit longer than fashionable, 

walking or taking a bus instead of driving.

Debt however, becomes

much more than an inconvenience.

Debt can be accompanied 

by deep feelings of shame,

feelings of less than,

not good enough.

Debting - it’s own drive train

with need for societies conveniences

the fuel for the engine.

“Do not accustom yourself to consider debt only 

as an inconvenience: you will find it a calamity.”

~ Samuel Johnson

Winning the Lottery

The lottery. Did you hear about the fellow today that won billions of dollars? Many a discussion has occurred starting with ‘What would you do if you won....’  followed by cars, homes, paying debts, making sure all the family were taken care of, then traveling the world - or just going off to some desert island.

I was told one time that I’d ‘probably buy a hospital’. I’ve thought about that over the years. Maybe at one time I would have. However, I’ve worked in several hospital systems since I graduated nursing in 1968. I would certainly try to provide some kind of services to someone, but changing the ever growing systems in health care? That would be what I’d prefer. I’m not sure that would be found money well spent.

Of course if I did do such a thing, there would have to be several parameters:

1. Total control

2. No competition.

3. Everyone in complete consensus at all times.

Hmmm.....Job title: dictator. No ethics required. 

Not a position I would apply for.

(Oh - and I would have to buy at least one ticket.)

“Forget the lottery. Bet on yourself.”

~ Brian Koslow

Money, Time and Dreams

Two young men discussed ways to make money, strategizing, estimating and quite frankly dreaming. The very logical sounding discussion was about costs, profits and how to acquire money sufficient to manage the big jobs, and garner profits.

It seemed at the time that the chosen topic, making money, was merely conversational. However in retrospect, wishes, hopes and dreams drifted in the early evening air in word and thought.

Implicit in this conversation and others, is not just financing, but needed time lines. Just as estimates of monies are needed, estimates of time from beginning to completion for any large job, whether for employment or home, are needed.

In general conversation and talk, amounts of both time and money, are frequently as wispy at the edges as the hopes and dreams. When it is time to put money down and commit time and energy, it is then, and only then, that core values are fully awakened.  

Commitment to materializing our dreams provides motivation and energy to strategize life’s busy schedules and budgets to achieve success.

“A dream doesn’t become reality through magic; 

it takes sweat, determination and hard work.”

~ Colin Powell

Interruptions

Bills are paid - easily for a child, 

not necessarily an easy thing for parents.

Uninterrupted education ~ 

the norm for most.

Epilepsy  interrupts.

Education leads to gainful employment.

Uninterrupted employment ~ 

money in the bank,

a little, a lot, somewhere in the middle.

Epilepsy interrupts.

Epilepsy has no schedule

Infant to toddler,

youngster to adolescence,

through adulthood ~ onward and upward.

When does it start?

Where along the continuum?

Does money to pay bills arrive without interruption?

“The Interruption of Everything”

~ Terry McMillan