Chapter One, Episode Eighteen - Digby - Situationally Theirs

May 23, 2020

Review, Edit and Update:

An introduction to James Edward Digby, the butler at the Beaufort Estate with few repairs to be made for this episode. Some additions made for clarity.

Digby

The  Invisible Menace. Digby had used those words once. If he had known that they had stuck, he would have been embarrassed that he had ever used them. At the same time, the more he learned about this virus, it truly was a menace and only visible by scientists.  When he looked back on the day that he, Martha, Brigitte and the rest of the staff abruptly left Mrs. Beaufort, he was ashamed. To leave his post in such a manner was unforgivable, and yet Mrs. Beaufort had forgiven all of them. 

James Edward Digby, tall, clean shaven and very tidy, was making his supper from ingredients from the groceries Mrs. Beaufort and her sister had delivered. As he chopped onions, carrots and potatoes for the stew he was making, he reflected on his past many years in employment at the Beaufort estate. Before him, his father had been the Beaufort butler. Digby, Sr. had taught him everything about being a butler, lessons for young James when he was very young. As a boy, he had watched his father dress in his butler’s uniform, straighten his bow tie, put on the black shoes that young James polished very night, and go to work. James was in awe of his father. When he came home in the evening, he transformed into just his dad. Relaxed and always ready to help him or his brother with homework, play catch or just talk with his sons. Digby’s parents had both been gone for many years, and his brother lived on the other side of the world. His mother and father had been deeply in love for whole of their sixty year marriage. He and his brother talked regularly over first telephone, then Skype and now FaceTime. They had not seen each other for.....what was it....23 - 26 years?

Being a butler, and more importantly the Beaufort butler, was all Digby had ever wanted. He had taken over the position of Beaufort butler when his father retired. He had, until then held other outside positions as butler, however was most pleased when he could come home. Not only was he able to make sure his parents were cared for in their senior years, he was employed where he wanted to be. As a boy, on evenings when there was to be a party, he would sneak over to the mansion, hide in the shrubbery close to the front door and watch as guests arrived. His handsome father, in his formal butler attire, greeted them all and ushered them into the mansion. Those guests that had known him for years greeted him ‘Hello Digby. Good to see you. How is your family?’ It was on those evenings that James knew what he wanted to be when he grew up. Some of his friends wanted to be firemen or policeman, doctors, nurses or lawyers. They laughed when James said he wanted to be a butler ‘Just like my dad’.

Now here he was. At home. Restless and wanting to get back to work. Concerned about Mrs.Beaufort. Since Mr. Beaufort had passed on, she had been very lonely, relying only on himself and the rest of the staff to take care of her. There were days when Digby felt that they were only propping her up. Then she would have a dinner party and she would be bright and cheerful. Seeming like her old self. He didn’t know how she would be able to manage. It must have been very frightening to wake up one morning and find there was no one at all in the house. Digby was grateful to her sister for stepping in, even though it was completely by chance. He had not even known that she had a sister. She never talked about her family, at least around the staff. Such an odd name…..Desperanza. She seemed quite different from Mrs. Beaufort. There was a family resemblance but their personalities seemed very different. Digby had only met Desperanza over a surprise video chat connection, so really had very little to inform his opinion but intuition.

~~~~~ 

“Hi Digby, it’s me Emelina ~ I mean Mrs. Beaufort. My sister is here with me and helped me figure this video chat thing out. Desperanza, meet Digby, my faithful and wonderful butler. I don’t know what I’d do without him.”

“My goodness, Mrs. Beaufort. What a pleasant surprise. How are you? I do apologize for leaving you the way I did. What can I do for you?”

“Digby, it’s about what we can do for you. Dez and I have been cooped up Downstairs for two weeks. I put her in Martha’s room; I’m staying in your room while we get past this situation. Now that we are finished our two week isolation, we decided that you and Martha may need help getting groceries. For the most part we’re staying home, but today we’re going into town. We’ve checked with Martha, Giles, Brigitte and the rest of the staff to see what we can do. We’ll be picking some things up for Martha. Everyone else is ok.”

“Well, I do need some groceries if you don’t mind. How is Martha? I do hope she’s taking care of herself. And you! You look so well and sound very upbeat, Mrs. Beaufort.”

~~~~~

Digby had given Mrs. Beaufort and her sister his short grocery list. He was pleased to hear about Martha. He did like the solitary life he led, but so enjoyed working with Martha. She was a very kind woman. They each had their own rooms, as there were many nights when one or both of them were required to stay overnight. That was one thing that troubled him, as there didn’t really seem to be such a need. Because of that quirk, each room was appointed with a bed, desk and easy chair, his room really was more of a private office, as it was for Martha. She had been in his thoughts several times over this last couple of weeks. Working with her for many years, a strong friendship had been established. Were there times when Digby wished it were more? But he was a professional, so anything more was out of the question. As he considered the tragic possibilities of this virus, he did worry about her. 

A solitary man, in a neat as a pin home, was it really to Digby’s liking? Is that all that he wanted in his life? He had watched Martha with her grandchildren. He listened to Cook talk about her family. He heard about Brigitte's many young men. And Giles. His life was rather mercurial. Was it his busy family life? Did he want any of that or was he content with his life as he had designed it? Digby had time to mull over these things when he wasn’t reading a historical novel or working in his small garden. Each night, when he hung up and folded his clothes, put his neat and tidy pyjamas on, he still had no answer. Content, he fell asleep as neatly as he folded his clothes.

“In quiet places, reason abounds.”

~ Adlai E. Stevenson

Chapter One, Episode Seventeen - Lost and Found - Situationally Theirs

May 22, 2020

Review, Edit and Update:

This Episode addresses an early Covid19 pandemic concern: the length and colour of our hair. The fixes to this episode are not as dramatic as fixes to hair soon to be falling on salon floors. Just boring things like cleaned up sentence structure, removal of unnecessary punctuation and repair of a couple of typos.

Lost and Found 

“Dez, what are these scissors for?” Emmie had been in the bathroom and had just washed her hands. While she was drying them, she checked in the mirror for any stray chin hairs. She spied one making its appearance at her jawline, just to the left of her chin. At least it’s not white. Daily she checked not just for stray hairs, but whether they were white or not. Looking for tweezers, she opened the medicine cabinet. No tweezers, but a pair of scissors winked at her. They looked awfully familiar but she knew she didn’t have any scissors like that. I should probably have asked before I went poking in Dez's medicine chest for a pair of tweezers. Emelina had let some of her manners slip in the last couple of weeks. She felt relaxed and really quite content. Picking up the scissors, she ruthlessly clipped off the offending hair. 

“What, Emmie? Scissors? Oh, those are mine from when I went to hair school. I thought I’d like being a hairdresser, but I decided it wasn’t for me. By that time I had a whole set of scissors and I think there’s an apron around here somewhere. The rest of the set are scattered around everywhere. I'm not sure I even have a whole set anymore. I used to have a clipper but my last boyfriend took it with him. He liked to shave his head with it. Why?”

“Oh, I was just wondering. They look familiar to me, but - oh, I know. Henrí has scissors like this. He uses them when he is styling my hair.”

“Who’s Henrí?” Dez rolled her eyes while attempting a French accent. “One of your many peeps?”

“No, Henrí is not ‘one of my peeps? He is my hairstylist and has private clients. I am one of them and it’s getting past time to see him. Dez, can I access my email from your computer? I’d like to contact him and see if he can come out to my estate. I need my hair trimmed and really need colour and highlights before I start looking ancient.”

“Oh, please Emmie, the whole female population, especially any one of us over forty, is going to be showing their true colours. And besides, this social distancing thing means hairstylists too.”

Dez, came out of her kitchen/dining room. Wearing a well worn apron, once white, now multicoloured, she had been painting. The partially finished canvas was a whimsical depiction of the block of stores, bank, shops in the neighbourhood commercial area they had browsed through the day before.  

“You did that? I knew you painted when you were in highschool but I didn’t know you still did. You’re pretty good.”

“I started this painting a long time ago and it was shoved to the back of my closet. All my paints and brushes were stuffed in a box. It was up on the shelf and the easel was behind my dresser. No room in the closet. You were reading. I was bored. Thought it was a good time to get it all out and see if I still knew how to wield a brush. I’ve painted over some of it, and fixed some things, added some things. Anyway, what’s wrong with your hair? It looks ok to me.”

“I don’t want it to look just ‘ok’. I want it to feel right too. Right now it feels shaggy and too long. I am getting rather frustrated with this whole situation.”

“Let me look at your hair and see what I can do. Don’t look horrified, I’m not going to use the scissors on you…..yet.”  Dez grinned when her sister drew back from her as though she was about to have her hair chopped off. “Didn’t you ask me about email on my computer? If you won’t let me give your hair a trim, I can at least give you a computer lesson about email. Just as long as you’re not setting up an appointment with Henrí. That is a definite no no. We’re still supposed to be ‘putting our foot on the gas’ according to the health head honchos on CBC this afternoon.”

Dez sat Emmie down at her old roll-top desk that only accommodated a laptop. Dez already had the laptop open, with an internet program page opened. Who’s your server - google, msn, …….?”

Once Dez had walked Emmie through how to use another computer for her email, she left her alone with her 200 emails. “Wow! You’ve got a lot of emails to get through.” 

“I didn’t catch up on them very often while we were out at my place, so I guess I’ll go through them here. I want to catch up with the different boards I’m on. See if they are still operating! Find out how everyone is.”

“Just how many boards are you on?”

“Actually only three and one of them only meets once a year. I’ve been feeling quite useless when I’m at the meetings. It’s finances or fundraising and I’m not good with either. I think my heart has gone out of charity work ~ oh, that sounds so dreadful ~ but I still need to touch base with them. As long as I’m on these boards, I need to see whether I want to continue or not. So much has changed in the past month, that I’m thinking I need to change a lot of things in my own life.”

“Just don’t change too many things too fast, big sister. Then you’ll really be in a pickle.” As Dez was talking, she was gently lifting up and combing her fingers through the back of Emmie’s hair. 

"It really does look like there could be some trimming done.”

Emelina spun around “Don’t you dare pick up those scissors.”

“I won’t." Dez dropped her sisters hair, held her hands up and stepped back quickly. "I just wanted to see if I remembered what it felt like to analyze someone’s hair.” Actually Dez really did want to trim Emmie’s hair. The business of being a hairdresser definitely hadn’t appealed to her messy, free spirited personality. Working with the someone’s hair was another story altogether. “If you change your mind, just let me know. I’m pretty good at ‘just a trim please'. I’m going back to my painting now and leave you with the computer. Do you want to go for a walk this evening? How do you feel about pizza in the park for supper?”

Quiet settled in Dez’s home as they each focused on their individual tasks. Emmie agreed that pizza in the park would be a good idea. They each had a quiet day. Dez finding herself in paint, art and creativity again. Emmie learning just a bit more about communication with the outside world and how she wanted to participate in it. As the sun was going down, Dez and Emmie could be found in the park just past Dez's home, talking over these things that had been as tucked away in the closets of their minds just as Dez's half finished canvas and paints had been hidden.

“Who in the world am I? Ah, that’s the great puzzle.”

~ Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

Chapter One, Episode Sixteen - Willows and Wisteria - Situationally Theirs

May 21, 2020

Review, Edit and Update

One of the many things I have learned in this process is that the editing process can be never-ending! Even my final review before I hit the 'Update' button finds little, but very important, details. I have repaired awkward sentence structure and added more detail. There were not that many typos to fix ~ a happy surprise. 

**A second update today:  I caught a very serious deletion of at least half the story. Fortunately, I had the full version to fix my error.

Willows and Wisteria

Naturally, they did gravitate to this fresh smelling outside world everyday to explore, sit in the sun, tidy the gardens or run on the gravelled track on Emelina’s grand estate. At least that was what they had done when the isolation of their kitchen home began to feel too cramped. When what was on television seemed only about the tragedies of the pandemic. Emelina suddenly appreciated that Digby had called it the Invisible Menace. Covid19 had been given so much important airtime that she shuddered just thinking about it. But now, she and Dez were away from the estate. Away from the gravelled track that had become very boring. Away from the gardens that no longer needed much work. The sun was absolutely warm and beautiful in the country, but it had followed them into town. Emmie, still in the warmth of the blankets on the pullout couch in Dez’s apartment, heard Dez get up and creep around trying not to waken her. She feigned sleep when Dez tiptoed past. Soon she smelled coffee and decided to stop pretending and get up. Having forgotten her slippers, Dez had given her a pair of black anklet slippers. She slipped them on; they were warm and cosy. 

“I’m up, Dez. Will be right out as soon as I brush my hair and wash my face.” Emmie passed the family pictures in the hallway on her way to the bathroom. She hesitated, smiled, then brushed them gently with her fingertips before continuing down the hall.

“What do you want for breakfast Emmie? I’ve got cereal and milk, or bacon and eggs or you can have both? And here’s some oranges in the fridge. You can have an orange too if you want.”

Emmie’s blond hair tied back in a ponytail, her face scrubbed clean, she barely looked as if she’d just gotten out of bed. Stifling a yawn, Emmie stretched and walked into the kitchen. Pleated curtains were open on the broad kitchen window.

“You’ve got a great view here, Dez! And a wonderful park with a trail. Can we go there today and explore?” Emmie sounded like a little girl wanting to go for a ride. 

“I thought we were just going to pick up some of my things and go back to your place? But sure, if you want to we could spend the day in town, maybe pick up some burgers or a pizza. All the restaurants are closed except for take out, so we’d have to eat it outside or bring it back here.”

“Why don’t we just stay in town? That does sound like fun. Would it be all right if we did stay another night here? You know, Dez, if we go back out to the country, it would just be to maybe get a couple more things of mine, check and make sure the gardens we worked on are still ok. And there’s really no reason I have to go home.”

Dez, still in her pyjamas, her curly brown hair loose, leaned back against the counter, a mug of hot coffee cradled in her hands. “Are you sure? What about whether Digby and Martha need something?”

“I’ve got my cell phone with me and we’ll be in town if they need groceries. So it might be more convenient. But really Dez, I like your place. Like I said last night, it feels like home. I don’t know that I ever felt that way in my home. Maybe when Mike was alive, but he’s been gone for five years now. So often that house feels so big and empty. Anyway, enough of the sadness. For breakfast, I want cereal and an orange. Rice Krispies and milk….do you have any brown sugar?”

“I thought you were off of sugar! No way I’m going to give you sugar.”

“Sorry, sister dear, I found it. Too late.” Emmie had been going through the cupboards and found things in the same places as their mother would have had them. 

And so, Emmie and Dez spent the day together. Dez took Emmie for a walk through her neighbourhood. Hartley, a moderately sized town, boasted small neighbourhoods, each with their own commercial areas. In Dez’s neighbourhood, there were a couple of grocery stores and a drug store, the only stores open. A beauty salon and dress shop were closed while pandemic restrictions were on. The GGB was open for limited hours for bank customers. Perfect Pizza and Hamburger Hut were at either end of this Main Street and were open for take out only. 

“Is that the bank you really didn’t rob?” Emmie was pointing to a squat building across the street tucked between the beauty salon and the dress shop. The Global Grand Banks branch didn’t seem very imposing, but had certainly drawn Emmie’s attention,

“Yes, ma’am. That’s it. Can you see those two security guards in there. Stanley and Giovanni. They really are good guys. Kind of goofy, but they keep their handcuffs at the ready! I’m surprised I don’t still have bruises from that wild night what - two weeks ago. Seems like a lot longer than that. I can laugh about it now, but that was one strange night.”

“I’m glad it happened ~ not that you were in jail ~ but that we got reunited after all these years. And to think we live in the same area. I’m just outside of Hartley and you live in Hartley. Can we go to that park I saw outside your window?”

“Let’s go. We’ll just keep walking up to that corner and then veer left. There’s an entry to the park there. I can show you the Japanese Garden ~ but you would know about that from the work that you do, wouldn’t you?”

“Yes, I know about it, but I’ve never seen it.” Emmie stamped her foot. “I know all about so many things and I’ve seldom seen any of them. To a meeting and then home again. Oh, sure I read and listen to music but ……..”

“Emmie, it’s ok. You’re ok and we’re going to see one of those projects you’ve worked on right now. You really do need to get away from your place, don’t you? This might sound strange. Actually it does sound strange, but this Invisible Menace, may just have a lot of silver linings. We’re friends again. Sisters that actually talk to each other. We’ve been having some fun times this last couple of weeks. You’re finding things out about yourself that would still be stuck if all this hadn’t happened. And I’ve figured out that I can be proud of the home I have. I don’t know. There’s got to be more that I haven’t thought of, but don’t have time for that right now. Here we are at the Japanese Garden.”

Emmie was entranced by the graceful willows, lacy wisteria, little foot bridges and delicate water features. Rather than wondering why she hadn’t been here before now, she just soaked in the atmosphere. The cool green, the fresh air and slanting sun rays that dappled the gravelled paths they walked on. Dez, who came here often, found her favourite bench and sat in the sun’s rays. The golden koi swimming beneath a running water pipe calmed her. When their hunger overpowered the pleasure they felt in the garden, they slowly wandered back to Hamburger Hut. Wooden benches outside welcomed them into the late afternoon sun while they enjoyed a really good burger each other’s company.

“Slow down and enjoy life. It’s not only the scenery you miss by

 going too fast ~ you also miss the sense of where you are going and why.”

~ Eddie Cantor

Chapter One, Episode Fifteen - HomeComing - Situationally Theirs

May 20, 2020

Review, Edit and Update

These reviews have picked up awkward sentence structures and typos. Today’s review is not different: sentence structures, typos and today, some punctuation. I am enjoying ‘meeting’ my characters in their early development. This particular Episode shows the joint history for the two sister, Dez and Emmie. Once more, I am in the midst of a very long, and very instructive, writing exercise.

                                           

                                                 HomeComing

Interest in the outside world wavered, as they became engrossed within; yet often one or the other would sit outside as the weather warmed. Today Desperanza and Emelina sat side by side. They still kept distance from one another. Because they had shared their kitchen home for several weeks, they did feel safe being a little closer. Once in a while, they even shared a sisterly hug. 

“So Dez, when do you want to get into town? You’ll actually be able to get your own clothes. You must be sick of wearing mine when yours are in the laundry.”

“I’ve been thinking about that. I think I told you, a few days ago, that I wouldn’t be able to get back in my apartment until the pandemic was over. Seems it’s not going to be over for a long, long time. When I thought about it, that didn’t seem right. That I couldn’t get in my apartment until the pandemic was over. So I contacted the landlord again. He says he doesn’t recall saying that ~ but I know he did ~ and wondered where I had been this last few weeks. Why do you think he would say that? Was he trying to get me out?”

“It does sound pretty strange, but then this is a pretty strange time. It’s really nice sitting in the sun here on the steps, but do you want to go now? We can check everything out, make sure everything’s in good shape. Do you have any houseplants?”

“OMG! I forgot all about them. I can’t even remember when I watered them last. Some don’t need much water - I picked them for that very reason - but there’s a couple that are kind of fussy. We might need to have a ‘plant funeral’. Seriously though, I really need to get in there and see what the place looks like. I’m not the best housekeeper in the world. Bring your pj’s and toothbrush. We can have a sleep over. My place is only a small one bedroom, but I can pull out the couch for you. It’s bit of a scrunch but works ok”

“Really! I haven’t been on a sleep over for years…..maybe not since I was in college. That sounds like fun. We can see if Hartley is still standing after these weeks of shut down. Most of the stores are still closed, except for grocery stores and pharmacies. But at least we can get a take out coffee some place, go to the park and sit outside.”

Dez was serious when she suggested the sleep over, but she really didn’t think Emmie would agree to it. Her house was so big and gorgeous. Amazing furniture. Art work that had to have cost an arm and a leg - if not two legs. All the land around so beautiful. Dez’s dinky little apartment, as she called it, would fit into what had been their kitchen home two times over. All of a sudden she wasn’t sure she wanted her sister to see where she lived. But there was nothing she could do but back out and say she’d worry about her plants some other day. But then she thought about the refrigerator. Her earlobes turned bright pink and a wave of colour washed over her face. She took a deep breath “Good! How soon can we get on the road?”

“Give me two minutes to get my things for the night.” Emmie had been in and out in a flash. “Ok. I’m ready to go. Do you need anything from inside before we go? I need to lock up. So get in, grab what you need……..oh, I forgot. Everything you need is at your place and that's where we're going.”

Emmie hadn’t seen the flush on Dez's face, or her wrinkled forehead. She was just excited to go on this little excursion. She did notice that Dez got awfully quiet, but just let it go. When they drove up Dez’s street, Emmie was pleased. She had half expected that Dez lived almost in a slum by the way she described it. But the street was tree lined with cherry trees blossoming, leaves barely budding. Apartment blocks, each lawn manicured, stood quietly on wide green spaces. Flower gardens graced each of them with style and colour. When they entered the building, Emmie was impressed with the muted earth tones of the foyer. Riding up to the 8th floor on an elevator with one side of glass, Emmie was showed a spectacular view the city and the gardens below. The elevator stopped, the doors slid open smoothly on a wide plain hallway. 

“I’m just down here, Emmie. Number 302.”

Dez’s apartment smelled musty. Her southwest facing apartment was quite warm despite closed curtains. And it was a bit of a mess. Dez picked up a sweater here, shoes there, as she led Emmie toward the kitchen.

“Dez! These pictures are beautiful. Where did you get them? I don’t have any of the family pictures anymore.”

Emmie had stopped suddenly when she saw family pictures, beautifully framed and hung, in the short hallway. Dez and Emmie were tiny children with their grandparents. Then Dez and Emmie on a first day at school. Their parents wedding picture ~ such a beautiful couple, so young. She could barely stop looking at them. She heard Dez call from a great distance.

“Emmie, come on in the kitchen when you’re ready. It’s not too late. I’ll make us some tea. There’s more photo albums in the living room. I’ll show you later.”

Emelina came into the kitchen, running her hand over the old kitchen table that they had eaten at for all the years they were growing up. Dez brought her tea in her mom’s favourite teacup to the table. 

“I don’t have any cookies or anything. I’m scared to look too far into the fridge in case there’s a green monster or two in there. Emmie, what’s wrong? Your eyes are leaking. Is my apartment that bad?”

“No. No. No. Dez, your apartment is just perfect and I haven’t seen it all yet. It feels like home!”

“Come on in the living room and I’ll show you what else I’ve managed to keep. Remember the chair that Grandpa always sat in after supper. He had to have ‘a pipe’ after supper and read the paper. ‘I have to know what’s going on in the world.’ Remember his gruff old voice. He always tried to sound so scary but I never believed him.”

“This was such a good idea, Dez. I’ve been so lost in that big old house, since Mike died, Having all the staff there has kept it from feeling completely lonely. Being busy with the different boards I’m on has stopped me from thinking too much about how my life has just been drifting. You know I don’t really know what I want to do, but I want to do something different. I want to be someone different. Or, no, I want to be who I wanted to be before I married. Does that sound weird?”

“Yeah, it kind of does. Only because we can’t go back to that before place because we’ve learned lots of different things. Different things that are important like all the things we’ve learned along the way. You’ve got amazing artwork in your house. You didn’t always have an eye for art.”

“Mike did. That was one of the many things that attracted me to him. He taught me about paintings and sculpture. He was a good husband and I still miss him. He taught me how to dance. We could dance like Ginger Rogers and Fred Astaire. At least it felt like it when we were waltzing.’

Dez and Emmie sat up late that night. They pulled out the old family albums, sat outside on the narrow balcony the full moon bathing the cherry blossoms in silver and in general reminisced about their good old days. Dez hadn’t noticed it, but the creeping feeling of shame had left her. One of her plants had died, and she dropped her clothes and shoes wherever she took them off, but it really was home. As the night wore on, they both yawned. “Time for bed.” they said in unison with a late night laugh.

The couch got pulled out, the bed made up with ordinary sheets and blankets. Emmie tucked herself in and was asleep before Dez was even in her room. Dez found her own pyjamas, got in her own bed and pulled the covers over her. She slept deeply that night.

“The ache for home lives in all of us, the safe place 

where we can go as we are and not be questioned.”

~ Maya Angelou

Chapter One, Episode Fourteen - Place Marks - Situationally Theirs

May 19, 2020
Review, Edit and Update: Dez and Emmie were just a little testy in this piece. I believe I have improved the flow of Place Marks, as well as fixed any typos. While my written work is slowly improving, I am still prone to mixing 'telling' with 'showing' within one paragraph. I'm still a novice writer and a novice editor!

Place Marks

Music, however could transport them, lift their hearts into its flow, lift their feet off the floor to get them moving and feeling normal again. Emelina believed in music with all her heart. When she heard Beethoven’s romantic Moonlight Sonata, when a symphony played the stirring Ride of the Valkyries, her heart would melt or soar no matter the circumstances of her life. But. If she heard ‘Don’t stop believin’ one more time……It was one thing to hear the music, but Dez’s singalongs were just too much. 

“Do you have to play that over and over and over, Dez? Do you not like or even know any other music?”

“I didn’t know it bothered you, Emmie. I can’t seem to find my earbuds. I’ll turn the sound down. You’ll be in your room anyway won’t you?”

“Actually, no I won’t. I get tired of being ‘in my room’ like I was little child. And just because you want to play your music and sing like you were one of the band? Can’t we find some music we both like?” 

Emmie knew she was being harsh. She really rather enjoyed being in her own room. She called it her own room now, not Digby’s room. It was quiet. She had a lovely bay window and could see the gardens and lawns. Which, by the way, were getting a bit out of hand, with no one to tend them. She would have to see how she could contact her yard man about whether he could come to tidy them up. Maybe show her, or at least tell her if she could do anything. That would certainly get her outside and away from Dez’s daily performances.

Dez knew that she hated the classical music always coming out of Emmie’s room. She hadn’t said anything. Yet. But now that her music had been criticized, she thought she just might. But we are grown women. We've been at each other like we need someone to tell us to Just Stop Fighting! Dez sighed. Do we have to agree with each other’s tastes in music? We never have before. Maybe they had been cooped up with each other too long. Talking to Digby and to Martha was great. The shopping trip for Martha and Digby was actually fun. But they had both been so played out afterwards. Ever since, everything seemed off kitler. No, actually it seemed more than off kilter. Out of balance. Tension had been mounting since they pulled the tape off the floor. They still kept their distance, but they didn’t have defined spaces anymore. They ate at the same table, just at different ends of the long servant’s table. Dez didn’t think putting the tape back would help. She almost laughed out loud at the thought, but Emmie was cranky enough that Dez didn’t think she would see anything funny about that at all. Talking to Digby, more so than Martha, made it clear to both Dez and to Emmie that they weren’t really in this together. Emelina owned this place. Desperanza was merely her little sister who needed a place to stay in this crisis. If Emmie hadn’t been half asleep and feeling deserted, would she have been so gracious? Dez decided to find out if she would be able to get back into her apartment. But she no longer had a job, so couldn’t pay her rent. She hadn’t applied for any of the government funding or even checked to see if she qualified.

Emelina had felt the same tension that Dez had. We are two grown women. Our life experiences are different, our experiences with music are different. Our tastes in music have been different since we were little. Dez has always sung and danced to energetic music. Sometimes even moving to some classical music Emmie loved so much. Why does it matter anyway? That damn tape on the floor. Emmie thought that ripping it from the floor would let her feel almost normal. But she was always afraid that she would bump into Dez’s space. She hadn’t known where her space was and where Dez's space began. Talking to Digby and Martha yesterday just made it worse. For Emmie, it had felt good to see them and talk with them. Going to the grocery store felt normal and good, if maybe a little strange. Some people wore masks and gloves, but in general, it felt normal and good. Being able to greet people, smile and have it returned. Once Emmie and Dez delivered the groceries and came home, something just felt wrong. As though neither of them belonged. It was Cook’s kitchen, Digby’s room and Martha’s room. Dez and I are interlopers. None of it feels real. Like we’ve both been in some kind of weird dream.’

They spoke in unison…..”Emmie, I’m so sorry.”  “Dez, Please forgive me.” Tears welled up in their eyes. They started to laugh. 

“Listen to us! How old are we? Of course I forgive you for being so cranky and not liking “Don’t stop believin’’. Dez spun around while she sang the words.”I’d spin you around with me is I could reach your hand.”

“And I forgive you, Dez. For playing that song you love so much over and over and over til it drives me crazy. I’m just getting so stir crazy in this kitchen. I almost wanted to put the tape back on the floor so I’d know where my place is.”

“That’s what it’s all about isn’t it.”

“What is?”

“We don’t know where our places are? You’re living Downstairs when you should be Upstairs. I’m living in your kitchen when I should be in my own apartment in town. You’re sleeping in Digby’s room and you should be in your own room, sleeping in your own bed. I’m in Martha’s room. Martha that I just met two days ago when I should be in my own apartment, sleeping in my own bed! You’re an employer and a hoity toity person and I’m a lackey and a bank robber.”

“You are absolutely right, Dez. Everything is all mixed up and upside down. So what are we going to do about it, because I do not want to spend my days being out of sorts with me, with you and with…..with……well, everything.”

“All right, let’s make a plan. First, we find out if we still have to be distancing when it’s just the two of us. That’s really getting hard, never knowing when contact is ok and when it isn’t. Now it’s your turn.”

“Let me see……What about…..I take you on a tour of the Upstairs.”

Dez suddenly was quiet.. “What’s wrong Dez? It’s just an ordinary house.”

“It’s not that. It’s just that I have a dinky little one bedroom apartment that I don’t know if I can even return to. I guess I’m a little intimidated. When it’s just you and I in our kitchen house, it's kind of ok. But when I start seeing You and Me in our regular lives, it gets a bit scary.

“Well, then we need to go to your apartment so I can see my little sister’s home.” The realization that Dez was feeling more uprooted that she was, struck Emelina hard. Their parents both gone for many years, cousins miles away, they really only had each other as family. Emelina had poured herself into her work. The heartstring ties between Emelina and Desperanza had almost come undone. 

“In the biggest and smallest I sleep but at the same place I stay.”

~ Dejan Stojanovic,  The Shape