Against All Odds

Determination ~

a word too big for a haiku

~ but not for recovery.

“There is no pride when it comes to survival, only determination.”

~ Anthony Liccione

Passing Time

Faces
  Of so many determined survivors
    Follow me into my dreams

There was a time when
The survivors were
  Twenty
     Thirty
        Forty

Time has passed
Survivors have aged into
   Fifty
     Sixty
       Seventy

Addiction
  Also a survivor
     Clings to the nightmares of the ages

“Time can’t be found, only lost.”

~ Marty Rubin

Author's Note: Edited January 27, 2024

To Celebrate

A conversation about births

About deaths

About joy and excitement 
Welcoming new life into the world

About caring in sadness and loss
Saying goodbye to ageless and aged lives leaving this world

There is great love and expectation 
For the new lives we are honoured to welcome

There is great love and a breathless open hand
In the care we are honoured to give as we say good-bye

It is easy and a joy to say hello
With great determination and sadness we say our good-bye.

“What life expects of us is that we celebrate.”

~ José Eduardo Agualusa, The Book of Chameleons

Each Day

Difficult
Early days of recovery
Eyes open
Scratchy and sore
Body lethargic and sore

Awkward
Each day
Eyes open
Muscles soften
Strength returns ~ slowly

Determination 
Each day
Eyes open
Family photos
Phone calls filled with love and confusion

Sobriety
Each day
Eyes open
Learning new old ways
Communication mending ~ slowly

And then there’s Treatment.

“A single day is enough to make us a little larger or, 
another time a little smaller.”
~ Paul Klee

Endings

Many of us have had to make a decision about putting a pet down at the end of their life or due to incurable and severe illness. In July of 2006, I had such a decision to make. So this poem came from a stream of consciousness I wrote at the time I was making this decision about putting my last cat, Phoebe, down. It was a difficult decision - the responsibility of such a decision is immense and very painful. Much of what was written was about any experience of grief or loss in my life. This stream of consciousness took both sides of two 7" x 10" journal pages. I’ve edited out a lot of words!

Endings

Endings are just that ~ endings
They are what they are
In my deep thoughts
   Deep running thoughts 
Collecting in nooks and crannies
   of heart, mind and soul.

Memory with no wish to recognize what was
   Stopping the flow to laugh or cry.
       Slow the drift
          Lose the thread

Everyone has felt an ending
    Has endured this deep pain
Passing through it willingly or unwillingly
   With no help from others
enduring the same grief and loss

Memories of what was
Hang like laundry on the clothes line
   Long pants, underwear, filmy night gowns
      Torn and patched work clothes
All hanging under the same sun
   Drying from the moisture of a life lived
      Bleached by experience
Blowing gently or roughly by the winds of change 

There is power in choosing an ending
   Or choosing a response to an ending that is.
       Power that demands determination and great humility.

“You only grow by coming to the end of something 

and by beginning something else.”

~ John Irving, The World According to Garp

Wondering ~ 3

I didn’t think I could do it
So I did it.

I wondered if there was a chance
So I took it.

I thought there was an opportunity
So I opened the door.

I wondered what was on the other side.
So I stepped over the threshold.

I didn’t know enough about life
So I learned to read.

I thought I needed to be strong
So I stretched and walked and ran.

I wondered how long it would take.
So I took another step.

I didn’t think I could do it.
So determination became my coach.

“Inside us there is something that has no name, 

that something is what we are.”

~ José Saramago, Blindness

Autumns Falls

Autumn walks beneath
Gnarled trees letting go
Of leaves blossoming green to gold
Red edges crisped and curled
Determined to brighten the land
With nubbly carpets of the fallen.

“Autumn is a second spring when every leaf is a flower.”

~ Albert Camus