Homecoming greetings...

A short few steps from the car

in cold brisk air,

brilliant silver moon competing with the street light,

stars only visible in the dark at the end of the driveway.

Are the dogs there?

I don't hear anything?

Oh...yes the familiar cry of 

one - no - two.

They're both here - my darling grand-dogs!

The late night silence of the neighbourhood 

shatters with an effusive and noisy greeting 

from my two wonderful, big black granddogs. 

One with blue eyes shining and the other with brown.                                          

It is so good to be greeted by my two old friends.

A dog biscuit each, with                                                     

more pets, loves and a run outside.

Back inside,

curled up on their mats,

the house is quiet once more. 

‘Grandma’ is curled in her own bed.

p.s.  My amazing sons will be here this weekend too. 

"There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face."

~ Ben Williams

Baking Bread and Two Mom's

Using bread pans old and new,

I bake warm, fragrant bread.

Catching a glimpse her,

my hands turn and knead

soft, pliable bread dough.

Memories of the farm kitchen

tall windows on all sides

spreading summer sun

like butter on warm bread.

The bread rises.

A wonderful, aromatic reminder of her.

Written in memory of my mother, Marion.

Susan M. Ward   2004

Using bread pans old and new,

I bake warm fragrant bread.

My 'second' mom watched as

my hands clumsily punched air from

soft, pliable bread dough.

Her lovely laughing voice echoes gently,

'Use the heel of your hand. 

Make a quarter turn

and push down with 

the heel of your hand again'.

The bread dough grows smooth and elastic 

to this magic rhythm 

The kneaded loaves rise obediently.

Memories of kitchen table coffee visits,

baking bread filling the kitchen with

A wonderful aromatic reminder of her.

Written in memory of my mother in law, Olga

Susan M. Ward

2012

“You are the butter to my bread, and the breath to my life.”

~ Julia Child

Money doesn't leave me as quickly......

Money has bamboozled me
for a long time now.

If there was something I didn't have ~

I didn't have what others had ~ whether I wanted it or not was beside the point.

Money does engender some pretty nasty feelings!

When I don't have what I think is enough ~

shame, guilt, anger, worry ~ what else ~

oh yes, fear! I've heard a lot of horror stories about not having...........

I really don't like any of those feelings or the horror stories.

When I do have what I think is enough ~

(well, at one time, I would have said I've never had 'enough')

but just for the sake of argument ~

I can feel awfully smug, self satisfied, 

maybe even a little greedy ~ wanting to hold on to more.

When I started thinking of money as merely a tool,
feelings shifted alongside attitude.

(banks and other financial institutions become pretty fancy tool sheds!)

And so I am grateful that I have my bills paid and a bit set aside.

Using my 'tools', I create a world around me that pleases me.

Will I ever have a wheel barrel full of money to tote into the tool shed?  Very likely not.

Have I worried that I'd be a bag lady someday because I wasn't 

an astute money merchant or 

because I hadn't worked hard enough?

Sure have.

When I make my own lunch for work, 
I hear a little 'chi-ching' in my head,

mentally figuring how much I didn't spend at the deli 
so I can have a latte later.

Our lives are full of convenience ~ a nice quality ~

it is convenient to go to the store.

Convenience is part of the price for anything I buy.

Things like medication, shoes, gas for my car

and activities outside of home
that keep spirit and soul together,

are things I cannot create for myself. 

The money tool is essential for these things.

And once more I am grateful.

Taking my eyes, but not my attention, 
off of the fear of not enough,

I have been able to see that I have a 

home, clothes, food, health...

and there's not enough room here to finish the list.

I have what I can develop within my own resourcefulness.

It is always enough in each moment ~ 

good feelings ~ satisfaction, self sufficiency, and yes.... gratitude.

“Empty pockets never held anyone back. Only 

empty heads and empty hearts can do that.”

-  Norman Vincent Peale

Family..

Family ties

Family dynamics

Family history

And the fabled Family tree - 

or should I say trees.

Extended families sprung not just from this small gathering but from arms stretched from

parent to child

grand parent to parent

great grand parent to grand parent,

on down the ages to maybe a lowly croft in Scotland

or a cold drafty castle somewhere in Europe.

As I wander back over past generations

I understand - it is not just relationships 

of my known life that have been part of my learning, but

a certain genetic makeup gifted to each of us knowingly or unknowingly

through liaisons - wrapped up in legality or maybe in smoldering romance -

whether of the happy picket fence variety

or tumultuous and noisy and full of living variety - 

gives each of us building blocks

not just of hair colour 

shape of our noses

or height or body shape

but the sound of a voice

the turn of a phrase

postures and poses

the way some one walks or stands.

Traits - individual specifics strained 

through time's great sieve sorting through

generations past until a moment in time

flashes forward in a 

a stance, an expression, a habit.

Are these learned, or are they in the twists and turns of our genes?

I'm not sure it matters.

What does matter is how I take the traits passed to me

and how I shape them.

Not to be better or worse - just to make them my own

and to create a new living picture.

“We all grow up with the weight of history on us.  Our ancestors

dwell in the attics of our brains as they do in the spiraling 

chains of knowledge hidden in every cell of our bodies.” 

~ Shirley Abbott

A Laundry List of Interests...

Which shall I choose? 

I've been in contact with several family members today

the electronic age making it possible via

email

texting

Facebook

Nothing earth shattering - just ordinary living questions that keep us all connected.

Writing? 

A creative bent, developing in fits and starts for many years,

today took up a new challenge by trying on a new technique in shaping words for my addictions nursing project, one I've been working on for years - a page long poem sent off to one of my writing coaches for evaluation.

Then it's on to my Addictions Nursing career (the writing project mentioned above).

After over forty-five years in nursing, twenty-five of them in addictions care in detox, I'm continuously fascinated by the changes, courage and choices I have witnessed in nursing, and medicine, but most of all in those individuals addicted to substances, both in active addictions and those in recovery.

But then maybe I should write about my upcoming travels.

I am so ready for a vacation!

Can hardly wait to see my brother and his wife.

And feel the heat!  It's 46C there today!  Here today at my kitchen window:  9C

I can feel the heat already.

No, I think I'll take a look at the next on the list

Ah...Gardening! - any part of gardening is my 'thinking time'

Pulling weeds, getting the soil ready to plant,

Freeing the grape hyacinths so their little purple heads can get some air.

I find lots of ordinary things - broken glass, old rusty nails, bottle caps, an occasional coin,

but this year I found beautiful camellias when 

an unnamed bush in the yard introduced itself to me in bright fuchsia flowers.

The snow drops are gone but the daffodils are putting on a marvelous show!

Books....I have them stacked all over the house

in boxes and on any flat surface that will hold them

Books for fun, books for study,  journals full of thoughts

Too much there to talk about tonight.

And housework...I have written about housework.

Housework can involve procrastination for me,

but I've found I like to live, and work, in a clear and clean space.

Let's my head think more clearly.

It all does come down to choices.

Which do I want.

Which do I need.

How do they flow together

making my daily life a pleasant tapestry?

Consider the little mouse, how sagacious an animal

 it is which never entrusts his life to one hole only.

-  Plautus

A new day dawns..

..as I bend over my
journal to write,
ideas, plans, 

excitements, worries, 

swirl together and 
flow from my pen

disjointed sentences 
sprawl on the page

(penmanship - not so good)

Topics dear to my heart 

I wish to write about are

family - the 'ties that bind',

writing - my developing career,

addictions nursing - my present career,

my travels - yay! soon to come!,

gardening - treasures hidden in the soil,

books and the marvels they hold,

housework (surprised?)

All things full of opinions and ideas 

(actually I have opinions about everything -

some just more than others.)

In the early morning fog dark shapes suggest

what the landscape might hold in the brightening day.

Clarity and vision only comes with 

gentle passage of time

awareness of the moment.

“Each day comes bearing it's gifts. Untie the ribbons.”

~ Ann Ruth Schabacker