At the Bus Stop ~ Before the Sun

This poem has been inspired by the scenery around me as I wait at a bus stop on the early morning work days:

Before the Sun

Black corners

Accept the shades of night

from sky to earth

textured by nature and humankind

Black edges

softened by starlight and moonlight

air dampened by ocean breezes

feel soft as a velvet pillow

Blackened smudges float

silently through a lightening sky

colourless while the sun still sleeps

patiently awaiting a pastel palette of corals and reds.

“Through the blackest night, morning 

gently tiptoes, feeling its way to dawn.”

~ Robert Brault, freelance writer 

rbrualt.blogspot.com

Trapped

Trapped

Inside

My body yearns

To stretch

To step away

To feel the warmth of the sun on my face

Outside

My mind yearns

To see past barriers

Of windows, of doors

To smell new mown grass

My soul yearns

To be free from hard lines

Invisible black lines drawn through life

To feel the beat of my heart

My hands and my feet

Dependable and strong

Carry me forward

My eyes and ears

Reliable and acute

See and hear possibilities

Accept the challenge to break free

Listening to the yearnings of body, mind and soul.

“But you, children of space, you restless in rest, 

you shall not be trapped nor tamed.”

~ Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet

Staying Grateful

Fifty years ago I was diagnosed with epilepsy. Forty years ago, I finally accepted that I had epilepsy. It was that acceptance that has allowed me to have long spells of seizure free time. It has not come without cost. It doesn’t look like it has cost much, even to me on most days.

At the beginning, it cost me a lot of guilt feelings, a lot of feeling left out and different, a lot of shame and embarrassment. I suspect it cost my family a lot of those things and more that I don’t know about. And I can’t forget the fear and panic that must have set in when a grand-mal seizure violently erupted in the middle of our lives.

Today, as I lay quietly on a soft mattress with electrodes all over my head, I reflected on the confidence I now feel each day. I was at a clinic getting an ElectroEncephalogram (EEG) to determine the status of my epilepsy. After the technician asked me my history, she and I talked about some of the changes in EEG technology. When I had my first EEG, it was little pointy electrodes stuck into my scalp connected by wires to a machine that printed out spiky readings to show electrical brain activity. Although the principles are the same today, reading brain activity, the electrodes are different. No longer little pointy things that dig into my scalp, but nice flat polka-dots on my head. The problem? On my clean, soft hair, gooey electrode gel is rubbed into my scalp before the electrode is applied, to ensure a solid connection. All the electrodes have wires leading to a computer where the same spiky readings show on the screen. After lots of relaxing, deep breathing for three minutes, strobe lights for a few minutes and a good rest, the electrodes were taken off. The technician cleaned all the gel from my hair leaving me with a wet head and absolutely no hair style!  Good thing I had a hat with me.

There have been many days when I could cheerfully throw some form of computer out a window. Not today. Today, I am grateful for all the technology that has allowed diagnosis of all conditions to continue so that we can all live life as normally as possible. I am grateful for those people who operate all of the technology. I could go on and on, but I do know I am just plain grateful to be alive and enjoying my life.

“Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember 

that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for.”

~ Epicurus

Stillness ~1

Stillness

Electrifying was not the word I would have used for the magnificent scene below me. Grand. Awesome. Even the much overused word amazing. Watching the rolling mist crawling  up the mountain side, threading and weaving it’s way through old growth forest green was a scene that reminded me of prairie clouds pushing their way across the land. The sky had always fascinated me. It’s very blueness and broadness. But when the clouds began their silent march from a very distant horizon to cover and hover over everything, I was transfixed.

Jim and I stood frozen to our skis, clutching our poles and breathed in the stillness. A stillness that matched the trees around us pillowed with the snows of yesterday and yesterday. We both knew the science behind the winter mists in the mountains. Arctic air. Moisture from warmer areas trapped in valleys. Blah, blah, blah. Only in pencilled side notes of the oldest dog-eared texts were there hints that there was something much more. Something so very soul stopping that wordy description failed. The glistening silence was broken by an eagle soaring higher than mountain tops and clouds. And then another sound interfered. My growling stomach. Accepting that our basic needs could pull us more strongly than the glory around us was difficult but necessary.

Whispering as quietly as possible, I breathed 'Jim' 

‘Shh’

Still whispering I said. 'It’s lunchtime. Let’s eat.'

“When there is silence one finds 

the anchor of the universe within oneself.”

~ Lao Tzu

Ledges

Pushed to limits of 

    what I know

       what might be right    

          what might grow

            what can be beautiful

All the should’s and should be’s

Advice and judgements

Words scrambling in my head

Vying for the teeniest, tiniest ledge 

Even just to begin to create

Accepting that I really don’t know everything

(often very little)

But I do know many somethings 

     that I do know

       that might be right    

          that might grow

            that can be beautiful

And what I do know is those teeniest, tiniest of ledges

It’s just finding them that’s hard!

“The garden of the world has no limits, except in your mind.”

~ Rumi

It's a Real Stretch

Slowly, gently forward

Feeling length and strength

Side to side to waken 

Feeling balance and calm

Slowly, openly reaching 

Feeling softened edges of space

Coming back to centre

Acceptance of all that I am.

“At the centre of your being you have the answer; 

you know who you are and you know what you want.”

~ Lao Tzu

Puzzling

Accepting the unacceptable is a puzzle

Unacceptable to you 

Acceptable to me

Acceptable to you

     Unacceptable to me

Lack of caring doesn’t matter as our paths may never cross,

yet when deep caring has been seeded in our hearts

   unacceptability meters go crazy or lie dormant

wild bouts of weeding and replanting trying

   to fix what is unacceptable to each of us

restore what is acceptable to…well….each of us

      so to keep loving and letting go of each other ~

finding common ground can be a real challenge. 

“No one is exempt from the call to find common ground.”

~ Barack Obama