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Saturday, August 8, 2015

Bites of Chocolate Cake and Sunshine

Ouch!
Last evening’s blog sounded a bit angry…
but I’m not angry ~
I’m grateful ~
grateful for the challenge to find kindness, love and fun in each day.

Unmanaged epilepsy may bite in an unfortunate way
but when recovery from the effects of epilepsy
is created, developed and shaped ~
that bite is a bite into 
chocolate cake at birthday parties
independence of living and driving
wonderful developing relationship with family (especially sons)
mindfulness of oneself, one’s abilities and the world around.

That is when the shadow of epilepsy grows long and thin in the sunshine.
and when my personal ‘clean time’ ~ clean from the fog of seizures and phenobarb ~ shines.
Epilepsy fades into grayness and moves gracefully with my chosen movements of life and limb.

“I’m learning how to taste everything.”
~ Laurie Halse Anderson, Wintergirls




Friday, August 7, 2015

There She Goes Again!

What do I know about challenges?
About the challenges of others that step up, trip, fall down……
I only know about living with epilepsy - not the seizures
unpredictable and violent
but avoiding them 
keeping my life manageable for me so I am healthy
so my family no longer have to worry about dire consequences.
They may tell you if you ask them.
For any of us there was no ‘Handbook of Living with Epilepsy!

But that is the only way I can relate to my clients ~
not just with the seizures and the consequences of an uncared for life, but with the principles of the recovery of living that so many have found ~
I tell my story every day in bits and pieces, here and there, when it fits the situation.

I suspect ~ I strongly suspect ~ that many times the words ‘there she goes again!’ ~ decorate the air behind me as I walk  away.

This is the challenge for them
to hear me one more time as they come to me one more time
speaking the principles of my health recovery plan that I have learned from them

This is the challenge for me - (I hear my self say ‘there I go again!)
speaking the principles of my recovery plan so they fill the air around me in gossamer words that disappear into time and memory
talking about the ten plus years that it took me to understand my responsibility to myself and to my family.
remembering that any one who does not have epilepsy cannot know the insides of epilepsy because they only see the behaviour that goes with it.

When I am well ~ and have been for over 15 years now ~ epilepsy becomes merely a shadow but like the shadows in any good horror movie, epilepsy can loom large and smother my life.

To forget the challenge of living a seizure free life despite the calls of friends, and yes family, to join in late nights, a glass of wine, red eye flights, not enough recovery time at the other end of a flight, working night shifts!, working till eleven pm only to get up and work at seven am ~ and so much more. Oh yes - arguing and fighting about things not important or maybe even that I’m wrong or heaven forbid that I’m right…..flashing lights without warning,  steady pounding noise,……….

But I’ll not go on and on any more - at least tonight.
Living with epilepsy or, like my clients with addiction or any chronic condition, sometimes really bites!


“Even the littlest things were now a challenge, one I didn’t understand.”
~ Sarah Todd Hammer






Thursday, August 6, 2015

Perspective ~ 2

It’s the tiny challenges that slip by almost unnoticed ~
tiny challenges that pile up in the corner of our minds
like dust bunnies that grow into monsters under the bed

Looking for keys that shouldn’t be lost
Spilling anything, especially red sauce, on the carpet
Paper cuts in the midst of a busy work day

Life changing events are filled with challenges tiny or large
each one carrying strings and bindings of sticky baggage
till dust bunnies under the bed are no longer montrous.

But whether tiny or large, there is pain or frustration ~
in each of us daily there are often many tiny challenges, but
life changing challenges are doled out in a fairly lopsided fashion.

“There’s something in everyone only they know.”
~ Ben Harper


Wednesday, August 5, 2015

From My Front Door

From my front door I can look out on the world
passersby carrying burdens or flowers
standing tall or bent
using canes or driving scooters
pedalling green plastic cars with pedals or running down the sidewalk

From my front door I can wish upon a star
in the night when streets are hushed
only night birds echo from distant treetops
a silver moon shines glitter across the city
stars sparkle and wink from planets light years away

From my front door I can step out into the world
neither watching or waiting, but challenging myself
becoming one of the passersby with a burden or a bouquet
standing tall within myself to soak in the joy of the world
greeting my neighbours young and old with belonging.

“By refreshing our sense of belonging in the world, we widen the web
 of relationships that nourishes us and protects us from burnout.”
~ Joanna Macy & Chris Johnstone, Active Hope



Tuesday, August 4, 2015

A Challenge to Be

Corinthia Anastasia Heffelfinger did not know what to do or whether she would be able to entertain her prospective guests.
Heaven only knows” she sighed.
Annabelle Victoria, Corinthia’s twin sister, would have the answers to all these questions and worries floating about in her brain.
Lounging somewhere in Paris at a sidewalk cafe, her beautiful face turned to the street watching passersby and tourists, Annabelle Victoria was out of Corinthia Anastasia’s reach.
Later on in the day, she would, no doubt, be taken out to a fine dining establishment for an exquisite meal and with an amazing gentleman companion.
Entertaining and being entertained had always been Corinthia Anastasia’s greatest wish and had just become her challenge!
Now she had the opportunity to practice what she had only seen others do so skillfully.
Gourmet meals and gallant and dashing gentlemen could be in her life now!
Ever since she had watched her sister step aboard the grand ship to take her to France, rather than feeling lost and alone, she felt just a teeny tiny bit of freedom.
Surprisingly, and very pleasantly so, Corinthia Anastasia’s muddled emotions unraveled like ribbons and floated away in the salty sea air.

“At the center of your being you have the answer; 
you know who you are and you know what you want.”
~ Lao Tzu

Not Much of a Challenge

It really wasn’t much of a challenge ~ a short couple of hours at Beacon Hill Children’s Farm this morning helping with some clerical work. The goats were still in the barn. One brown headed, white blazed head peered over the gate to watch the outside world, his ankles (do goats have ankles?) resting on the wooden gate, hooves tipped over the edge. After a bit of looking around, with a glance at me as if to say ‘who are you?’, he let himself down on the straw covered floor to await the Goat Stampede ~ and of course the prize at the end ~ breakfast.

Beacon Hill Children’s Farm in Victoria is filled with farm animals ~ clucking chickens, rooting pigs, woolly llamas, white ducks, a little brown donkey and furry guinea pigs and of course goats with springs in their knees. Miniature goats that race down to the Petting Area for a day of running, butting, and being brushed and loved on by children, teens and adults alike. The babies come out when they are only days old ~ just for a bit - but are usually found with a protective mom in a stall in the small barn in the Petting Area. 

The sky was clear, old oaks throwing dappled shade, peacocks strutting and resting high in the trees. As I said, not much of a challenge!

“There are times when we stop, we sit still. We listen and 
breezes from a whole other world begin  to whisper.” 
James Carroll

Sunday, August 2, 2015

Potential

What challenge did I face today?
Slow burns that had potential. 
Potential to create open fires of unchecked emotion.
Recognizing the angst of some while others needed physical care.

Spreading calm one brush fire at a time teamwork also has potential ~
potential to dampen and provide checks for slow burns,
recognizing that to calm angst is as important as providing physical care.

“Unlimited potential can be developed using limited resources.”
~ Roy Smoothe