A Life Lesson on How to Live with Epilepsy...

Twisting through me in powerful muscle spasms.

Surfacing from unconsciousness into confusion.

Apologizing and feeling wrong.

Common knowledge says: 

there is an aura before a seizure: 

seeing colours ~

smelling burnt toast ~ 

some kind of a warning giving someone time to lie down.

My warning? Something I can neither see nor smell

lasting only seconds ~ only a vague feeling.

For the first 10 years, 

wavering between 

attempting normalcy, 

taking prescribed medication and 

waiting for the next round of seizures,

I fought against learning what it was.  

Anger and frustration gripped me when told by a loved one:

'you're going to have a seizure!’

Finally straining for common sense and logic, 

I forced myself to ask:

'How can you tell if I’m going to have a seizure?!'

'Your eyes go flat.'

It took years to learn what that meant for me.

I had to learn how my body, my mind and my soul would feel.

It was not a sensation, like smell, sound or touch but

dreamy disconnection from 

everything and everyone around me.

Drifting away.

Lesson:  

Pay attention to how you feel in your gut, in your head, in your heart.

When sounds grow distant, watery - lie down, get safe.

“To become different from what we are, we 

must have some awareness of what we are.”

~ Eric Hoffer

Author's Note: Edited January 28, 2024