May 30, 2020
Review, Edit and Update
In Let’s Talk, Dez Eliot and Emelina Beaufort, had been isolated in Emelina’s home. Emelina had a big idea and started writing out a plan. Dez, her younger sister, challenged her assumptions, as she had since they 'were kids’.
There were few repairs to be made in Let’s Talk - sentence structure, punctuation. Regarding sentence structure in relation to dialogue, I hesitate to make changes to any awkward sentences spoken by a character. My question to myself is: “Would that particular character have spoken in that manner?”.
Let's Talk
“I did get rid of that horrible painting from Mike’s den. I hope he doesn’t come to me in my dreams to chastise me tonight.” Emelina’s husband Mike had passed away five years before, and until now Emelina had not wanted to change anything in his den. She had someone else take his clothes out of their room because she just couldn’t do it. After her two day exploration of her house, she decided it was time she went a little further. Besides she had really exciting plans. A notebook and pencil at the ready, she listed things in each room as she went through them. Items to Stay. Items to Go. Undecided Items. Her sister, Dez, had come out from Hartley on her day off from Mr. Jorgenssen’s DryCleaning and Laundry where she had had her fill of shelves of stock items and long lists. Emmie was full of energy and ready to take Dez through the house with her.
“What did you do with the painting?” Dez was curious. In the short time they’d spent with each other while self isolating, she’d never seen her sister quite so animated. “Are you sending it to a thrift store?”
“Oh, Dez. Of course not. I may not have liked it but it is a valuable piece of art. One of the other members of the Arts and Culture board took it and will be putting up for raffle or donation. If we decide to raffle it the proceeds will go to the Food Bank. Or some of the proceeds will come back to me for the supplies that we’ll need.” Emmie flipped open her notebook to the back page and made a quick note.
“What are you talking about, Emmie? What supplies? And if you and I didn’t like that painting, what makes you think that anyone else will?”
“Well, Mike loved it and there were a lot of others that were trying to buy it. I didn’t tell you about the supplies we’ll need yet, did I? Digby keeps a master inventory for the household that he, Martha and myself go over regularly. I’m afraid I’ve not paid much attention. I don’t know where my mind has been. Anyway, if we take people in and I use the den for my bedroom……’
Dez gently took the notebook from Emmie. “Emmie, slow down. What are you thinking? Where do you think these ‘people’ are coming from?”
“Well, health care workers of course that are working with Covid19 patients and need to protect their families, of course.” Emmie tried to get the notebook away from Dez. Dez held the notebook in the air and backed up. Emmie sat down in resignation.
“No. You’re not doing this. Let’s talk about it first. It’s a wonderful idea but don’t you think you’re going about this too fast? Don’t cry, Emmie. I just want you to think about what the realities are for you. You want the rest of us to just go along with this half-baked scheme……no, I don’t mean it’s a bad idea, just you need to take more time to do it right. If I’m right, and assuming we’re all going to jump in this with you, if even one of us says ‘no’ then your whole plan falls apart. And if the one that says no is one of your employees will that put their job in jeopardy?”
Emelina was silent. She took a deep breath. “Are you saying that you don’t want to help me ‘fix this’. That’s what you said a couple of days ago that ‘we could fix this’. So you didn’t really mean that?”
Dez sat down across from Emelina. “That’s not what I’m saying. What I’m saying is that this is not as simple as supplies and rooms and raffles. We ~ and I mean all of us that you want involved in this ~ have just been through self isolation from this virus. Martha from her grandchildren, Digby at home alone, you and I living together after 10 years apart and not even sure we'd like each other. Your plan to get some life into your home, is actually bringing the potential of this deadly virus in here. It could destroy everything that you have, and the employment you have given several others.”
“ When you put it that way, it makes me sound selfish, when all I wanted to do was something good. Even when we were kids you would ruin all my plans with your stupid logic.” If Emelina had been eleven years old, she would have been stomping her feet, tossing her blond hair and storming out of the room. “Okay, is my whole idea wrong and ridiculous?”
“No. I just think you haven’t thought about how it might affect the rest of us ~ assuming that we'll all buy into your idea. What rules would we need to make it safe? I’ve worked a lot of different jobs ~ cleaned a lot of toilets, worked in offices and waited tables. And that’s the short list. The places that had a good solid plan were great to work for. The others that just hoped everything would be alright ~ those jobs I only took because I needed a paycheque, but I got out as soon as possible. You’ve been an employer for a long time. You keep your staff.”
“What does that have to do with it? They are good people and I pay them well. They have health benefits. Of course they have stayed with me. I can’t imagine any of them leaving.”
“It’s quite easy to fall under the spell of assumptions.”
~ Steven Redhead, Life is Simply a Game
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