Longings
Chelsea just wasn’t a little girl anymore. She had grown up. Her dad, Johnson, was sad and happy all at the same time. He had loved every bit of Christmas since Chelsea had been born. That sweet, pink little wrinkled baby. He had been terrified of being a dad, but now? Chelsea had wrapped his big 'workerman' finger in her tiny soft fist and it was game over. Christmas had been fun, and magic and even spiritual sometimes - although he would forever deny that last part. His own childhood Christmas’s had been lonely and bleak. In his memory, it seemed like his own dad had no concept of kindness and giving. He often wondered what his dad’s home had been like. It was never talked about. Johnson’s mother warned him to keep quiet about any of his dad’s family. But Chelsea. She brought such joy into their lives. Joy that Johnson had never felt. Sometimes was even a little uncomfortable when Christmas felt so good. Johnson and his wife, Celeste had, each year, created a magical Christmas time. Not just for Chelsea, but because of Chelsea. Christmas had become, not just for the child in their life, but for themselves. Celeste called it their ‘shining bubble’.
“Okay, I’ll stop. You’re right, honey. You are grown up now - well kind of grown up - and you have other more important things to learn about life. I guess I just miss all the fun we’ve had every year. Is there anything you miss?”
“Well, I’m in a hurry but one thing I miss is driving around with you and mom looking at Christmas lights and singing carols. Can we do that tonight? Gotta go now, dad. Love you, love you. ‘Bye’.”
“Chelsea, you’re forgetting your skates!”
“OMG! Thanks dad! Love you!”
The cold blast of air from the back door being flung open, and the sudden warmth again as it slammed felt good. It felt like home with a little bit of teenage Christmas.
“We all have an old knot in the heart that we wish to untie.”
~ Michael Ondaatje, The Cat’s
Author's note: Edited February 25, 2024
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