Chapter One, Episode 154 -To Atone and To Forgive - Situationally Theirs

Review, Revision, Edit and Update

“Very often, I found in my re-writes, I had all the elements, just slightly out of order. - Julia Cameron, The Right to Write”

I have found this to be absolutely true. Any first draft just needs to get everything out of my head and onto the page. Then my job is to rewrite or revision to adjust the order of things. In this episode, in the later paragraphs, some such adjustments were made, as well as removing words and/or phrases that did not move the story forward. 

To Atone and To Forgive

A professional exterior hides many personal feelings. Dr. Jeremy Crawford had been walking around in this very uncomfortable emotional state for several days. Contacting the Social Work department about Mrs. Tyler’s apparent estrangement from any family and possible homelessness did ease his discomfort. But then there was Emelina. He had called her at 3 a.m. one morning on the strength of a photograph of a young girl. Emelina Eliot was the name on the back of the wrinkled and worn photograph. She got her sister, Dez, out of bed to accompany her on the vague mission to the hospital. Dez was not happy, but as she said, she would do anything for her sister. For Jeremy, it was all very, very unprofessional and, as her friend - as their friend - he had behaved very rudely. At least that’s what had been rolling around in his head. He had taken his three scheduled days off. The first day was a day of isolation from others, but he was able to get outside for walks and breathe fresh air. The next two days he had committed to talking with both Emelina and Dez. He called Dez first, not really knowing why. He just knew he wanted to talk with her first. After he ranted on while eating his supper, and then talking on the phone with Emelina, he thanked Dez profusely and left her 8th floor apartment at a run.

~~~~~

Jeremy had to stop long enough to wait for the elevator, walk through the first floor without looking like a man running from a crime scheme, get to his car, dig through his pockets for his keys, unlock the door, get in and sit down behind the steering wheel. He had been in such a rush that his keys seemed to pull his hand to his car’s ignition, but he stopped and dropped his forehead on the steering wheel. He rested for only a second then leaned back, pushing his head against the support. Aloud he said “What am I in such a rush about?!” He really needed to get all his guilt feelings off his chest and had dumped them on Dez. She was great. Just listened to him carry on and fed him supper at the same time. Now that he had actually stopped long enough to think, he felt his nervousness return. Emelina. He told her he would be right out to her Estate. “Enough, Dr. Crawford. You are better than this Nervous Nellie role you’re playing.” He started his car, pulled smoothly out of his parking spot and pointed his car toward the Estate.

Jeremy enjoyed the short drive out to Emelina's home. It was early evening, so the sun was just settling into the horizon for the night. Even the clouds were taking on a gilt edged mauve hue. Jeremy felt himself relax with each kilometre. As he pulled up the drive, he could see the lights on in the downstairs, but none upstairs. He drove around the back, parking at the kitchen door. Getting out of the car, he glanced around. All the staff must be gone for the day. I hope it’s Em in there.  He sent her a text to say he had arrived and he was coming in the kitchen door. It was a lovely evening. Maybe they could go for a walk before it got too cool.

“Em? It’s Jeremy. I’m coming in…..” Her answer did not come immediately. She sounded quite distracted. “Come in. I’m just reading Carrie’s latest letter. Coffee’s ready. Help yourself.”

Hello,

I’m not sure what to call you. Emelina or Mrs. Beaufort, so I just say hello. 

I am getting stronger. I'm sitting up in a chair to write this letter. I’m going to try to keep it short as I’m still tiring very easily.

The doctor told me today that I would not have to be moved to Intensive Care, that I am doing so well he may soon be able to discharge me. It's been suggested that I will have to go to a care home for recovery care. 

The nurse is here to get me back to bed so I will close and hope to hear from you soon.

Carrie

Emelina gave the letter to Jeremy. “Here, Jeremy, read this. What do you think? Is she ready for discharge so soon? Sit here.” Looking very thoughtful, Emmie stood and stretched her back, muttered something to herself and drained her coffee cup.

“Well, Em, I’m not sure. I’ve not spent a lot of time with her. As a matter of fact, I’ve done that on purpose.” Jeremy could feel the embarrassment creeping up the back of his neck.

“Why?!” Emmie turned suddenly to face him. “Shouldn’t you be the doctor in charge? You were on duty when she was admitted, weren’t you? And why do you look like you’ve been caught with your hand in the cookie jar?”

“That’s actually what I wanted to talk to you about Em. I want to apologize for getting you involved in this woman’s life just because of a photo, and especially in the middle of the night. I don’t know why I expected that you would just come because I asked you. I should have contacted Social Work first. I am so sorry.” His words were spoken smoothly and without hesitation, as though they had just been waiting for permission to come alive. Emelina looked quite annoyed. “Well, I’m not sorry for becoming involved in Carrie’s life. That hour of the morning was really not of your choosing. Would anyone from Social Work have been available that hour?” Her voice softened, she sat by her good friend at the table putting her hand on his arm, leaning her head on his shoulder. “So far, she and I are really more like pen pals. Now I have a favour to ask of you.” Putting his hand over hers, and leaning his head against hers, Jeremy said “For you, Em, absolutely anything.”

Emelina sat up, and turned toward him. “I need you to find out if and when Carrie might be discharged. Find out from the Social Worker if she has a place to go. You said when she came in she looked like she probably lived on the streets and that she said she ‘had no one’. If she does have a place to go then that’s wonderful. If she doesn’t, I have an extra bed here that is never used. If Social Work, and Carrie, think it’s appropriate, I’d like to have her here. But I need to know more about her, so I don’t run the risk of being taken in.”

Jeremy sighed with relief “Thank you Emelina. And I will do as as you ask. It may be a couple of days before I know anything but I can at least talk to the doc in charge of her care. Now, let’s go for a walk. It’s lovely evening.”

~~~~~

The two friends walked hand in hand along the running track. A half moon was just rising in the west. A long thin stretch of cloud drifted across the sky, its feathery tip lightly brushed the moon. “Jeremy?”          “What, Em?”     “Stay the night?”     “What will Cook think when she gets here in the morning?”       “I don’t know. You’ll have to ask her.”   A distant hoot owl challenged the night.

“Nothing erases the past. There is repentance, there is atonement, 

and there is forgiveness. That is all, but that is enough.”

~ Ted Chiang, The Merchant and the Alchemist’s Gate