Limitless

“Recognizing limits 

by testing abilities

cuts through the chatter of

I can’t. I shouldn’t. 

It opens the door to

how can I? 

and why not?

“I choose not to place “DIS” in my ability.”

~ Robert M. Hensel, author

Snap Decisions

 

Snapping up every opportunity

to believe,

in ourselves and in each other

despite

crazy making

turmoil and uncertainty,

will keep our feet

on the ground.

“You can’t make decisions based on fear 

and the possibility of what might happen.”

~ Michelle Obama

Detours ~ RESILIENCE ~ Theme for November 2020

“Really? You want me to …….

 Elastic bands, if stretched too far, will……

Snapping up every opportunity…….

Intuition in a tense situation……..

Limbering up creative muscles…

Instinct, like intuition, will bring……….

Extending energies past…….

Nerves of steel that vibrate like……

Considering the pros and cons……

Endurance is key to……..

“She had fouled off of the curves that life had thrown at her.”

~ W.P. Kinsella, The Thrill of The Grass

Chapter One, Episode Five - Reset - Situationally Theirs

May 08, 2020:

Update: I’ve made some pretty critical changes in this post, providing more depth to this early part of Situationally Theirs. Now extended to 44 Episodes as of last evening, the story has not concluded but has continually evolved. It is also reflects the actions of a core group of characters in this time of the Covid19 Pandemic. 

March 29, 2020:

Before I start today’s story, I want to update you on the past few days. When I started the story of Desperanza and Emelina, I didn’t know it was going to be a continuing story. On March 25, I was struggling with what to write. My imagination was faltering and felt very creaky. I used a Random First Line from a website that gets me through times when my writer’s brain is off line……or at least faltering. That’s when Desperanza started her story - Six Feet of Separation. March 26th, I was still feeling a bit rusty and, quite frankly bored. Using the same technique as the day before, I wrote a second story. This time it was Emelina that showed up in Deserted. The two women were incredibly different. Had nothing remotely in common. Later that evening, while out for a socially distanced walk, I wondered what on earth I was going to write the next day. The thought occurred to me - or rather the question - could I get those two stories together? That’s when Desperanza and Emelina became sisters. So on March 27th, there was a reunion story, aptly entitled Reunion. That Reunion was merely facilitated by a police officer from Desperanza’s jail cell. March 28th started their real reunion which really didn’t get off to a very good start. Today’s post takes them just a little farther in their forced togetherness. I’ve decided on a title for this little saga: Situationally Theirs. 

Situationally Theirs 

1. Six Feet of Separation - March 25, 2020
2. Deserted ~ March 26, 2020
3. Reunion ~ March 27, 2020
4. Keeping it Civil ~ March 28, 2020
5. Reset ~ March 29, 2020…………………….

Please enjoy this much edited episode:

Reset

On the early morning when Emelina retrieved Desperanza a street corner in Hartley, she brought a small bag of groceries into the kitchen. She had neglected to tell Desperanza, her estranged sister, that she had also stopped at the Food and More convenience store next to the Beans All Night Coffee. Some of the shelves seemed quite empty. They were either going out of business or had really poor organization. No matter. She had obtained what she needed. At home, she had been unable to find any butter or cream for her coffee. She had been able to purchase the last two items of one pound of butter and a small carton of cream at the little store. Even though she drank tea in the morning, she preferred coffee later on. She really didn’t like going into any of those sorts of stores. Emelina Beaufort at least knew that a good host should provide butter for toast and cream for coffee. 

~~~~

Emelina was about to write a note to Desperanza, when, out of the bathroom just off the kitchen, her sister appeared. She held dripping wet hands up as though she was one of Emelina's surgeon friends preparing for the operating room. 

“You are dripping water all over my maid’s clean floor! Please use a towel. Don’t just stand there. Get back in the bathroom.”

“I would love to dry my hands on a clean towel. But I dropped the one that was there, and now it’s contaminated.”

“Contaminated?! With what. My home is spotless! I have excellent staff who take cleanliness very personally.”

“Well, I don’t know anything about your home. I don’t see any maid, or any staff for that matter. There’s virus out there that is real and is all over the planet. It could even be in your home for all I now. Paranoid? Maybe. But I don’t want to get sick.” Old sibling rivalries really never die.

“Well. There must be a cupboard in there ….or maybe here….here are the clean towels.” Emelina, a bit annoyed by Desperanza’s comments, separated two fluffy white towels from a neat stack, offered one to her sister and put the other one on the towel rack in the bathroom. 

“Now, go and wash your hands before you make the coffee.” All Emelina could do, besides washing her hands was, be silent about the state of her home. 

“Thank you.” Desperanza accepted the towel grateful. She could tell her sister was tense and unhappy so decided to see what she could do. “ Can I make coffee? You’ll have to show me where everything is.” Desperanza was a little more hesitant, realizing that she was really her sister’s guest in pretty nice place. This kitchen was as big as her last apartment. Actually bigger. Everything was so neat. Surely Emelina couldn’t have kept this place up all by herself. I’m glad she mentioned that she has some housekeeping staff. Conversation was still pretty stiff, but then it was just past 6:30 in the morning. Desperanza hadn’t slept the night before and she had gotten her sister out of bed in the middle of the night. Actually Sergeant Eye Candy had done that. She smiled as she thought of Luigi. Using the towel to wipe up the water she had dripped on the floor, she suddenly did feel quite out of place. And she was very hungry and tired. 

“Your room will be over there.” Looking up, Desperanza saw Emelina pointing across the kitchen. “It’s the door with the sign ‘HouseKeeper’. I believe there is a telephone and a computer on a desk beside the bed. I’m really not certain, but Digby insisted that they were necessary for the running of the house. Who is this Digby guy she keeps talking about? Desperanza wanted to start asking questions but she could tell that it wasn’t the right time. Emelina continued “I’m going back to bed. I really don’t know where anything is so please feel free to go through the cupboards and closets for whatever you need.”

Desperanza was glad her sister was going to bed. They wouldn’t have to talk anymore until they were both in better shape. But she needed to eat and have a cup of fresh coffee before she could sleep. “Ok sis. Have a good sleep.” Emelina stopped her walk to her room ‘That’s the first nice thing she’s said to me.’ "Good night. We’ll talk later this evening.”

~~~~~

Emelina curled and cuddled beneath the cosy duvet. Her sheets felt rough. I’ll have to remember to tell Digby to have Martha order new sheets and get these replaced. My goodness, the coffee smells delicious. The kitchen staff are busy getting breakfast ready. I wonder if Brigitta has brought my tea. I had such a bizarre dream. Digby and all the staff deserted me here in this big house. I followed some arrows and came Downstairs. My sister? Did I get my sister from jail? Oh well, I’m awake now. Emelina carefully pushed her beautiful blonde hair back from her face. She gracefully slid her legs over the edge of the bed and sat up. This bed feels odd. Like it’s not my own. “It’s not my own! Where am I?!” Suddenly, a calm male voice echoed from outside her door. “Good morning Canada. This is Justin Trudeau with today’s update on Covid19”. 

“Am I still in the middle of that bizarre nightmare?” Emelina pinched both her arms. “Ouch!” There was a knock on her door. “Who is it? Digby? Martha?’

“No. It’s me. Desperanza. Your sister. Don’t you remember coming to get me last night? I’ve got fresh coffee for you. There’s bacon and eggs on the table. I found some potatoes and fried them up, sliced some tomatoes and poured us each some orange juice.”

“Desperanza? You’re not in my dream? Are all the staff back? And why am I in this….this…. very masculine room?”

“Put your robe on….you do have one don’t you……and come out here. We can talk and get to know each other.”

“But I have to dress first. I can’t come into the kitchen in my nightgown and robe.”

“Yes, you can. The world is a different place today and has been since last week. Come on, sis. We’ll take care of each other. You can show me your place and tell me about your life and I’ll tell you about my life. I don’t seem to have a place or much else to show you.”

Emelina’s stomach growled in a most undignified way. “All right. Promise me that you really are my sister, Dez.” Emelina was very hesitant. “Yes, Emmie, it’s me Dez.”

Relieved to hear her childhood name, Emelina picked up her robe from where it lay at the foot of the bed. “ I will wait to get dressed until after we’ve eaten, Dez. Did I hear the Prime Minister speaking?”

“Yes, and if you don’t hurry up you’ll miss his address. We’ve got so much to talk about Emmie! And your food's getting cold.” 

~~~~

On that same early morning, after the sisters arrived at Emelina’s home, Desperanza and Emelina  struggled to restart their relationship. Emelina went back to bed. Dez sat at the long kitchen table. She still wanted a snack, but Dez also wanted to rest her head ~ just for a moment. At 10:52am by her FitBit watch, the cold drool that was covered her hand woke her with a start. Her neck was stiff and she was colder that ever. In the Housekeeper’s room, where she would be occupying, she found a soft green wooden shawl. She wrapped it around her shoulders. Stumbling back to the kitchen she looked in the pale blue cupboards, peered in the shiny silver refrigerator, pawed through the matching up-right deepfreeze and was in awe of the walk-in pantry. She stood up straight, shrugged off the shawl, and pushed up her sleeves. Taking the apron from the hook inside the pantry door, she put it on and tied it in one smooth motion. Desperanza washed her hands and went to work. There’s a lot of opportunity in this situation.We can make it work. Desperanza, with a few swaying dance steps, started humming her favourite ’80’s tune by Journey. ‘Don’t   stop   believin’…………’

“You must never stop believing.- Madame Manec"

~Anthony Doerr, All the Light We Cannot See

The Ultimate Opportunity

In my nursing career, I frequently reminded clients that one can always get on a waiting list. Granted, in these instances, the waiting lists were related to health care, housing, or even funding. But I was presented with a similar dilemma last week as I perused the Continuing Studies @ Uvic Calendar for Jan-Aug 2020. Languishing in my so-called inbox for a couple of months, I was tempted to put it in the recycling. I was certain all the classes would be filled up. But in the spirit of following through on a personal interest, I opened it and went immediately to the Visual Arts section. Looking for writing classes, I found Chronicling the Stories of Your Life. Aha! A writing project that’s been in the works for quite sometime exactly relates to this class. Zipping over to my iPad, I looked it up. Oh, darn. It’s full. Just as I was about to close the link, I spied the words ‘Waiting List’ in the corner of the screen. I remembered those reminders to my clients ~ ‘Get on the waiting list’.

As of one week ago, I took my own advice and am now on the waiting list for Chronicling the Stories of Your Life. Writing forms a big part of every day for me. Not just this blog, but my personal journal, the occasional review for a fellow writer and the inevitable shopping list. On my blog, Standing Still Slowly, I’ve become a novice writer of book reviews and movie reviews, muses and poetry, and in general the activities of life that I’ve shared with family or friends. And then there's reading about writing. Although I 've taken several writing classes and workshops, I still wait and look for opportunities to support and improve my writing. 

We all have our own waiting lists in this life. Not all are written down though. We wait for our food to cook and do the next thing on our mental list. We mentally review our next steps while we drive to or from work. Our mental waiting lists are filed and waiting for our attention when the time is right. Waiting lists are not blank times with little to offer, but beautiful creative spaces that we can choose to fill with colourful lives, or we can just wait. While I wait for this writing class to come up, there is so much more that will fill that space with learning. Learning more about this new world in retirement, with interests from before the adult world consumed my life. Learning has always been exciting and a joy in my life. Waiting is the ultimate opportunity.

“The world is always open, 

Waiting to be discovered.”

~ Dejan Stojanovic, Circling: 1978-1987

Book Review: Starlight by Richard Wagamese

Challenging opportunities arose with either terrorized fierceness or deep, peaceful calm throughout this beautiful novel. Set in British Columbia, the novel opens on Frank Starlight polishing and closing up the home where he was raised by ‘the old man’ - his only words for a man that was like a father. Far away in an unnamed town, Emmy, and her six year old daughter, Winnie barely escape with their lives from Cadotte, a man, violent and angry at the world. While he and his friend Anderson were passed out from a night of alcohol and fighting, Emmy saw her opportunity and grabbed it with both hands. Saving her daughter from any abuse from these men fuelled her rage. Winnie, fought as desperately to protect her mother. The story that follows is the long road they travelled to get as far away as possible, with the knowledge that Cadotte would come after them. Emmy had no money to provide for her daughter or herself. Along the way they steal food and clothes, siphon gas and count on Cadotte’s old truck to carry them away. 

Frank Starlight, a well respected man in the B.C. community of Endako, was the most comfortable out on the land where words are not necessary. The land is where he goes to sink into the quietness of the land and the rhythms of the natural world. It is on his sojourns alone that he photographs wildlife in their habitat. Frank Starlight has a good friend in Eugene Roth who lives on the small farm, but has little understanding for Frank’s deep love of the land or his reticence for using back-hoes and any labour saving devices. Their relationship is an easy going one, filled with humorous repartee. Roth does most of the talking - expounding on his exploits, trials and tribulations while Starlight listens quietly. They’ve lived as two bachelors for three years and their home reflects it. A story of redemption and hope, there are changes are in the offing for all of them. Emmy and Winnie learn what it feels like to be safe and loved. Starlight and Roth learn a bit more about order in their lives. To me, this story is also about labels. The labels we give to people that stick and do not even envisage or encourage change. 

Some reviews I have read this morning, suggest that the story was ‘too slow’. I counter that such deep changes require a gradual coming together. Others suggested Starlight should not have be published. I disagree with both of these opinions. Unfinished, due to Richard Wagamese death on March 10, 2017, readers have the opportunity to imagine their own endings to this story. I found Starlight to be a lovely story, brutal, but soft and tender with the characters finding their way away from and towards the worst and the best in each other. Following the untimely ending of this story, there is ‘A Note on the Ending’ at the back of the book with the possibilities the author had in mind for the remainder of the book.

“I come to know right there that when you figure ya got nothin’, 

goin’ back and movin’ on can feel like it’s all the same direction.”

 ~ Richard Wagamese, Starlight

Title: Starlight

Copyright: 2018 Estate of Richard Allen Wagamese Gilkinson

Author: Richard Wagamese

Publisher: McClellan & Stewart

Format: Unfinished Novel

ISBN: 978-0-7710-7084-6

ebook ISBN: 978-0-7710-7085-3

Staying Tuned

Trusting the universe to keep me 

in a good orderly direction sometimes 

forgotten should new opportunities.

revive old passions and plans.

Trusting the mind, body and spirit

to stay tuned to the massive universe

swirling around and through me

allows authenticity to bloom.

“All the world is made of faith, and trust, and pixie dust.”

~ J.M.Barrie, Peter Pan

Meal Prep

Spaces of time hover idly,

revved by untended energy.

Creative kitchen longings are

granted opportunity to slip into place 

for shopping and chopping

blanching and freezing 

delicious packaged goodness.

Colourful and flavourful ~ accompaniments for many a meal.

“If the divine creator has taken pains to give us 

delicious and exquisite things to eat, the least we can do is 

prepare them well and serve them with ceremony.”

~ Fernand Point, French chef and restaurateur (1890-1955)

Motion

Settling grudgingly into

the fine silt of emotion

provides opportunity 

to focus on finding rest.

Rising happily into 

the open air of emotion

embraces the energy

to focus on welcome choices

“There is a difference between giving into something and accepting it.”

~ Elise Broach,  Shakespeare’s Secret

Risk

Nodding ‘hello’ to opportunity

while offering an open hand

accepts both choice and chance.

“To find yourself, think for yourself.”

~ Socrates

Ownership ~AUTONOMY ~Theme for March 2019

Actively seeking…..

Understanding my…….

Treating each day……

Opening doors……..

Nodding ‘hello’ to opportunity….

Outside for a breath…….

Magic happens today……

Yoda knows the questions……..

“If you just set people in motion they’ll heal themselves.”

~ Gabrielle Roth, Maps to Ecstasy