Emotions will never reach tomorrow
~ too fluid unless we hang on
The dips and the dives of
those slippery ‘feels’ change
with the tides of each day
The tides of tomorrow will be different
maybe calm or steady or wild
so belief in yourself and
the life that you live is
the rudder that steers you through life.
“Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.”
~ Arthur Ashe
We are never back to square one. It may feel that way:
~ frustration,
anger
annoyance!
years of life and learning
gives opportunities
to shape new circumstances
with well used lessons.
“In the oddity or maybe the miracle of life, the roots of something
new frequently lie in the decaying husks of something old.”
~ Craig D. Lounsbrough, writer
shifting sands
moving foot to foot
for balance’s sake
shifting winds
sudden or slow emotions
dates on the calendar
shifting tides
undercurrents
no warning
shifting perspectives
a subtle re-order
for strength in a moment.
“The map of what we call reality is an every-shifting mosaic of ideas.”
~ Marcelo Gleiser, physicist
Easing my heart is
a healing time
when life inside seems
separate from life without.
To cry inside
when work demands a smile.
To want to scream aloud
when only words will do.
To want to rage and pace
when calmness feels so much better.
A healing time needs all of these things ~
an ebb and a flow,
a wild tide and a calm sea
Easing my heart is a healing time.
“Our way is not soft grass; it’s a mountain path with lots of rocks.
But it goes upwards, forward, toward the sun.”
~ Dr. Ruth Westheimer, (1928~ 2024)
 |
| Late 1980's |
Cats need more attention.
No cats that I have known agree.
Miss Kitty, using my son as a pillow,
would not have found attention necessary.
Welcome, but unnecessary.
Some cat’s are like that ~ stand offish and aloof
until it’s time for them to insist on attention.
My cat, Jet, just walks across my laptop
leaving a row of unrelated letters in my work.
I’m to figure out what he was spelling and.
can usually figure it out. I respond; he settles.
While not as emotionally demonstrative
as dogs, cats do have a quiet way of
inserting themselves into our lives.
So I bow to all the feline companions
I’ve had over the years. Quiet companions,
until it’s time to be pragmatic and eat.
“If animals could speak the dog would be
a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat
would have the rare grace of
never saying a word too much.”
~ Mark Twain
I have avoided writing too often about my cat for two reasons. Mainly because talking about
one's cat all the time is incredibly boring unless the listener is a cat person. But also
because most of the day
he sleeps unless he smells food
or hears a cupboard door open.
If it’s frozen beefsteak on the counter
he will be reaching a paw up to said
counter as I prepare it. But I
give him the ‘I’m the boss’ look and
he backs down with a look of disgust ~
if cats know what a look of disgust is.
Even if I just walk in the kitchen, he
may have seemed sound asleep, but
he must have some kind of feline GPS
that pings in his head, rousing him long
enough to stare at me or at least investigate
the potential. It’s not as though he never gets
fed although he seems to believe that he is
entitled to food whether hungry or not.
Don’t get me wrong, he is a good cat,
a great companion and, all in all,
we do have an understanding.
“Cats have no guilt and very little shame.”
~ Ursula K. Le Guin, No time to Spare: Thinking about What Matters
Emotional waves are secret things noticed if laughter or sobbing is too loud or raucous to ignore. Then it’s ‘don’t be so silly’ or ‘there, there, it’ll be all right’.
But silent waves may not be noticed but for an expression that rumples a
carefully made up face. Inside waves challenge stiff smiles secured to face the public.
“A secret’s worth depends on the people from who it must be kept.”
~ Carlos Ruiz Zafón, The Shadow of the Wind
Listen to your heart……
Inside questions…
Sensations that….
Tensions that ……
Emotional waves…..
Nerves of steel….
“We speak with more than our mouths.
We listen with more than our ears.”
~ Fred Rogers,
You Are Special: Neighbourly Wit
and Wisdom from Mister Rogers
Scammers make me crazy. They are invisible ghosts, floating through wireless waves, poking their ghostly noses into anyone’s computer without regard. I admit: it is frightening. I’ve had one encounter in the past with a scammer that caught me. This one has frightened me and is just plain annoying. And rude. That snake that invades my wi-fi home - and if you’re listening out there - ‘does your mother know you do this’?! (a quote from a friend).
So how to combat the fear, fury and impatience that build up waiting for a fix: Hammer and Nails. My writing desk has needed fixing for the longest time. Finding the right sized nails, a hammer, screwdrivers to tighten up its aging joints was the start. But the solid tapping of the nails settled my rattled emotions. Then I moved furniture to put a cap on the whole mess.
By the way - I didn’t get caught in their money grab, just the ride of their emotional rollercoaster.
“The fraudster’s greatest liability is the certainty
that the fraud is too clever to be detected.”
~ Louis J. Freeh
~~~~~
Emelina was excited. She thought she was foolish to be so excited when she was almost fifty years old. When Digby had asked her if she would host a dinner, she was glad to have the opportunity. Realizing that it would be the first in well over the two years of the pandemic, her excitement started to build. And she was as nervous as she had been at the first party she had hosted when she was sixteen! She was a different person from those times. The adolescent nervousness she understood. In later years, when she was being a ‘good society wife’ for Michael and the years after he died, she was snooty and expected Digby, Martha and Cook to jump at her every whim. When she got out of control, it was her maid Brigitte who could help her get under control. She missed her steadying influence. The relationship she had with her staff was so different now; she was different now. She had long wondered how she could repay their goodness and kindness, and why they even had stayed as long as they had. “Oh, stop. Being all maudlin is not going to get the dusting done………and all the rest of it! What have I taken on!?” An aggressive knock on the door, jolted her mid stride to the vacuum cleaner. It was quickly followed by a big “Helloo! I’m coming in!”
“Dez. That’s who can help me with this. She probably doesn’t know yet, unless Digby has called her yet………………Dez! Come in. I need your help.” Emelina breathed a sigh of relief.
“What is going on up here?!” Hands on her hips, Dez was surveying all the tools of the housekeeping trade scattered all over, knick knacks from the sideboard crowded onto the table, a feather duster laying beside a can of furniture polish, dining room chairs pulled back from the table, vacuum cleaner looking ready to take off, couch cushions stacked on the floor. “And look at you. Hair all covered in a kerchief, the oldest clothes I’ve ever seen you wear. Are those holes in the jeans? Are you all right?” As she talked, Dez became more and more concerned. The last time she had seen her sister like this was…it was….. that party when they were teenagers. Their mother had already cleaned the house, but it wasn’t good enough for her dear sister. Dez smacked her forehead with the palm of her hand. “Really!?” Digby had called her and asked if she and Matt could attend a dinner party. He explained the reason and that there would be at least two of the couples there. Dez contacted Matt and it was a go, just tell us the particulars and we’ll be there. They had no immediate plans and would be glad to help. Dez decided to go to the Estate and let her sister know of Digby’s call. When she got there, found the whole upstairs turned upside down and her big sister looking frazzled and over whelmed, she knew something was up. Not just the dinner. She felt like giving her a big hug, but knew that would come later. “Talk to me, Em.” Then it all spilled out. How awful she’d been to her people, how this was a chance for her to repay them, how nervous she was, how scared, how excited, how she wanted it to be perfect. Emelina was crying. Dez put her arm around her sister’s shoulders and led her like a little child to the couch. She pulled a crumpled tissue from her purse, wiped her sisters eyes and waited. Finally Em sat up, her hands balled tightly in front of her face, and stared out the far window. “I got so caught up in having people come to this dining room……my dining room…..again…. I forgot that the dinner is about Digby. This is his project and I’m trying to make it mine.” She turned to her sister. “Thank you. How did you know I’d need you right here, right now?” Dez said “I didn’t. I came to tell you Digby called me. Just good timing I guess.” The sisters held hands and silence settled in the room. A few minutes passed, Dez felt restless. “Let’s get this place back in order. I hear Cook rattling around down there. We’ll do a little bit, go have some lunch, and then come back to finish up. We can find out what day the dinner is planned for and when the housecleaner comes in. If we need to we can get her in early, you can just keep things in order and tidied up in between time.” Dez got up and began from one end of the living room, picking up and putting away. Emelina started the vacuum and did the rugs in the dining room, put all the chairs back in place. They worked in silence until the chaos of before had been tamed.
~~~~~
One other person was excited. There was to be a party again!! The little ghost girl Sarah had watched Emelina in her wild attempts to clean. She even helped pushed the dining room chairs back against the wall. Yes, she was excited too.
~~~~~
“Don’t make a permanent decision for your temporary emotion.”
~ Anonymous
