Homeward bound....~ 1

...after eleven years 

    adventuring in another land,

    establishing a new direction in my nursing career,

    advancing my education in Addictions care,

    learning in my forties the lessons I missed in my twenties.

As much as I loved this

new little corner of the world,

I was ready to go home.

I carefully planned this return move and, for a year,

    updated my resume,

    did job searches,

    housing searches

    moving costs

    time lines

all while conscious of epilepsy ~

    the emotional and physical upheaval

    of my move eleven years earlier.

Once more, 

    I packed my pills?

    got out my maps and

    set my course for a new part of Canada

to another new city 

    half way between my sons on the west coast

and the rest of my family in two prairie provinces

    My rest stops were planned,

    driving day ending at supper time, 

    then a good night's sleep

With bittersweet sadness, 

I let go of my adopted community 

and the very close friendships that still last

(the electronic age is a wonderful age to be in!) 

In my new city

    I established a new community 

    a new physician

    new friends

   family arrving within months:

        a sister infrequently seen in the intervening years,

        a niece and her family relocated shortly thereafter.

I knew things would be ok.

*****

Epilepsy does not respect what I think 

when there are any changes not accounted for.

Four grand mal seizures in two months 

ushered in the new millenium - 

after eleven years of being free of grand mal seizures!

I didn't understand....

I had been so careful.

What had I missed?

Once more fear, and panic, threatened to overwhelm me.

Reviewing my move after the first of the four seizures:

    Regular sleep - check

    Minimize stress- check

    Eat regularly - check

    Medication - check

Oops....my pills, the new regime I had been on for a year

except for.........      two differences:

    

One - a treatment I received monthly:

    Frantic, I searched in vain for a physician 

    to provide the same treatment.

Two - the effects of alcohol

    A potential to lower the brain's seizure threshold. I had not been around much alcohol while away. With family a very small drink now and then....that shouldn't hurt...however for me it did.

Lessons learned!

Employment at the hospital soon shifted to another more rewarding position.

Excited and challenged my new addictions nursing education was in demand,

along with more regular hours and a few different, and unknown, stresses.

My return home settled into work and travel.  

For the lessons learned, a new file folder was born:

Epilepsy Relocation Folder

1. know the availability of 

    ~ specific medications

    ~ physicians 

    ~ pharmacies.

2. avoid drinking alcohol.

“Man cannot remake himself without suffering. 

For he is both the marble and the sculptor.”

 ~ Alexis Carrell

Author's note:

Addendum:

I have moved several times over the last couple of decades. Each time I have tried to determine what I have needed to do to maintain my seizure free status. Each time I’ve added one more thing. My confidence level has also changed. My first move, to Texas I just thought it was like moving to another city. That is only partially true. I was crossing the U.S./Canada border. That immediately changed the entire picture. Pharmacy laws, health care laws in general. Fortunately, I found a physician right away and obtained a new prescription.

Putting Teeth to My Plans

It hasn't been pretty.

Gums swollen and bleeding - phenytoin's side effect.

Teeth broken and chipped ~ well intentioned actions to keep me from 'swallowing my tongue'. 

Jaw bone receding because of periodontal disease, teeth loose and tender.

Tongue cut and bleeding more times than I care to remember - fortunately healing on it's own after each seizure.

Most of it fixable.  

Setting to work from the 1970’s onwards ~

    Periodontists to repair gums

    Dental hygienists to keep teeth free and clear

    Dentists to 

        extract, 

        fill, 

        cap, 

        build a bridge on top

        implant teeth on the bottom

Grateful to my parents for yearly visits to the dentist,

sitting still in a dentist chair was old hat for me!

Brushing my teeth after meals begins my prevention plan.

A small kit of tools in my home arsenal for oral care includes:

    toothbrush,

    sulcrabrush

    rubber tip tool

    dental floss (one I've long resisted!)

    water pic

    tiny spiral brush for between my teeth

Caring for my teeth and gums so 

    I can chew food to eat effectively

         and ready food for easy digestion

       smile easily ~ 

Oral care is really a full time job.

“To  be able to invite pain to join in my experience and not 

have to control my life to avoid pain is such a freedom!"

 ~ Christina Baldwin

Author's note: Edited August 14, 2024

Restructuring and rebuilding.....

...required some thought.

Vulnerable and frightened, everything crashing around me, I didn't know where to start except to forgive myself and move forward.

Brutally reminded of epilepsy, as much a part of me as my skin, my hair, or any other part of me, 

it was time to re-evaluate and rebuild.

Lost hours at work because of it,

a commitment to myself broken, 

uncontrolled epilepsy had affected employment, 

threatened my independence.

I was fifteen hundred miles from home!

Seizures have always left me emotionally vulnerable. 

Self pity rolled over and through me, 

    threatening to drown my adventure before it had barely begun. 

Stubbornly, I gathered my wits ~ what was left of them ~ 

    slowly, 

    awkwardly rebuilt my shelter.

Desperately missing my sons and my friends, I was incredibly tempted to turn tail and run back home. Choosing instead, rather blindly, to step forward into this new life, repairing the damage was my goal.

New friends cared about me. 

Career goals moved forward.

Work with amazing colleagues, many still fast friends til today, continued. 

Education expanded with a University Minor in my chosen field of nursing. 

Volunteer work with a community program working with horses and children rounded out my life.

A new doctor showed me new ~ and some old ~ methods of epilepsy care. His encouragement was

    a good diet, 

    regular exercise,

    massage 

    necessary medication ~ taken regularly,

to this day his direction continues unchallenged.

And to this day....

    Regular medication, sleep and calmness are practiced as automatically as getting dressed in the morning.

The shelter was almost complete but more was to come......

"If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; 

that is where they should be. Now put foundations under them"

 ~ Henry David Thoreau

Author's note: Edited January 28, 2024

Life changes, epilepsy does not

The first ten years with epilepsy, rocky and uncertain, taught me that I really wasn't geared up for scrabbling through such a rocky terrain and really didn't want much rocky terrain to travel anyway.

The next ten years, while rocky in many other ways, not crowded and crunched by grand Mal seizures, allowed me to awaken hidden dreams for travel with my career.

Opportunity arose - Carpe diem!

My young adult sons began choosing their own paths. So, sadly, but with excitement, I separated from

    family

    roots and

    community

to take a giant leap to another country for career advancement.

Comfortable with managing my epilepsy, I had carefully packed a 3 month supply of pills, found a physician as soon as I settled, and started a wonderful and rewarding adventure. Thirty-nine years old and taking flight like a much younger adult!! What fun! The first time I had lived completely alone! Exciting goals and challenges to achieve.

******

I woke up.

Nubbly carpet met my palms - where am I?

That's odd....I felt like I had a good sleep.

Puzzled I turned my head, 

mmmm.. my tongue is sore.

I have my uniform on!

I'm late for work.....

Leaping to my feet, I drove to work.

My new boss had someone drive me home.

I have no memory of 

~ that drive home,

   ~ who drove me home,

      ~ how long I slept,

        ~ what day I returned to work.

What had I done wrong?!

Who do I turn to?

The sun so bright and the sky so beautifully blue............

Brand new friends, people I barely knew, helped me to sort it all out while I learned more about living with epilepsy.

Taking new directions in life is a good thing.

Letting go too fast of my anchors in 

friends, family, community 

created unneeded stress ~ fear ~ nervousness ~ high elation

setting me up for crisis that I may not be able to manage.

Epilepsy does not respond well to lack of planning.

So I planted my garden in the sun. 

My life grew strong.

"The horror of that moment," the King went on, 

"I shall never forget". 

“You, will though," the Queen said, 

"if you don't make a memorandum of it.”

Lewis Carroll

Author's note: Edited January 28, 2024