Movie Review: THE GOOD HOUSE directed by Maya Forbes & Wallace Wolodarsky

Taken at Southland Cineplex

Hildy Good, a successful New England Realestate agent, has control over her life. Or at least she believes she does. In the small seaside community of Wendover, Massachusetts, Hildy Good, played by Sigourney Weaver, has been the sole agent until an employee steals her client list and becomes her competition. She is funny, charming and honest. Unfortunately, Hildy’s alcohol use creates problems in her family as well as her business. After an intervention by her family (Emily and Tess) and ex-husband (Scott Good), she had gone to Rehab. However, she only tempered her alcohol use. Frank Getchell (Kevin Kline) is an old crush. Their relationship, reestablished, is mature and tender. Then, Hildy’s business is in jeopardy. Unpleasant family memories begin to surface. Life for Hilary Good is not in control after all. 

As I write this, I’ll admit I am concerned that many will see this as just another story of what alcohol does to a family and community. But Sigourney Weaver and all her supporting cast, show a community with all its foibles ~ not all of them alcohol affected. I found it a very engaging and enjoyable story. A movie I would see again.

“The simple truth is this: Most humans are very much alike. 

The simple and obvious truth is that there are very few variables

 to what a person might do, think, fear or desire in any given situation.”

~ Ann Leary, The Good House (Hilary Good)

Directed by: Maya Forbes, Wallace Wolodarsky

Writing Credits: 

Thomas Bezucha - Screenplay

Maya Forbes - Screenplay

Wallace Wolodarsky - Screenplay

Ann Leary - Novel

Cast:

Sigourney Weaver: Hildy Good

Kevin Kline: Frank Getchell

Morena Baccarin: Rebecca MeAllister

Rob Delaney: Peter Newbold

Molly Brown: Emily Good

David Rasche: Scott Good

Rebecca Henderson: Tess Good

Kathryn Erbe: Wendy Heatherton

Kelly AuCoin: Brian McAllister

Georgia Lyman: Cassie Dwight

A Second Thank You Note

There are many nursing specialties. I mentioned a few of them in my blog post ‘A Thank You Note’ from yesterday. The specialty that I failed to mention is that of nurses working in Detox facilities. We seem to be a special breed. Our brand of nursing involves the neurobiological management of alcohol and substance withdrawal. That’s a mouthful! We are caring for an individual experiencing the rapid brain changes that occur due to withdrawal from long term alcohol and/or drug abuse. We collaborate with and care for clients from an extremely intoxicated or substance affected state, through an acute withdrawal period and into sobriety. Many, many times they do not remember that they had even been in a Detox.

Detox nurses monitor and manage extreme states of anxiety, work at preventing seizures and manage states of high blood pressure for these clients. We educate, or attempt to educate, our folks on how to eat. That sounds kind of odd, even as I write this, but many people in active addiction have very little interest in, and sometimes opportunity for, regular eating. Many unpleasant gastric effects with the various forms of substance withdrawal requires a finesse that allows Detox nurses to minimize the discomfort, averting medical emergencies. All of this in 24 to 48 hours for the most acute stages in a young and relatively healthy individual. The older the individual, more medically compromised or a longer period of active addiction can extend this short phase. 

Nurses in other nursing areas also see withdrawal on a far too regular basis. From the Emergency Room to the Operating and Recovery rooms and all the nursing units in between. Not to be forgotten are the Neonatal Intensive Care units with the wee tiny babes sadly born into withdrawal. To wade through the stigma of addiction, to push past it to evaluate, assess and collaborate with all these clients is an extremely difficult part of this job. To encounter violence and yet offer kindness is another extremely difficult part of this job. 

We are often the last bastion of care to be offered and accepted willingly. Establishing an individual’s physical and mental health allows them to take the next step into the foreign land of recovery. In this continuum, Detox is relatively easy yet often the most physically painful, compared to ongoing recovery from active addiction. So far, to my knowledge there is not a formal Addictions Nursing Specialty in Canada, so I say to all nurses, thank you for your good care of those individuals of any age and in any state of health to arrest active addiction and provide respite from an extremely chaotic world. Thank you for seeing the person beneath active addiction.

“The future depends on what you do today.”

~ Mahatma Ghandi

Nothing Like It!

Nothing like it! I’ve been nursing for five decades. I’ve been nursing in withdrawal management since 1989. I was asked last week what sort of changes I’ve seen since I started working in detox facilities.

And there has been nothing like it. From Saskatchewan to Texas to British Columbia there has always been alcohol abuse at the top of the list. The list of the substances that kill has grown longer and more deadly. Cocaine, crystal meth, heroin in all their many forms. Smoking, snorting, IV drug use and just plain pills. Pills. Pills like oxycodone, hydromorphone and now fentanyl. Did I forget to mention all the benzodiazipines?

Everyone of these drugs, and in whatever form, have a certain withdrawal syndrome. When they’re mixed, the withdrawal syndrome is confusing and more dangerous. Some people actually survive. Some may have their lives saved, but their bodies and brains are damaged. Damage that is reversible or damage with long lasting consequences. And too many people of any age die. They just die.

Controlling drugs and alcohol has not stopped the use and development of more refined drugs and alcohols. In all of this mess, where are the studies, research and treatment for addiction and the medical effects of substance abuse? Short stay in a detox is barely a bandaid. Long stays to give the body, psyche and brain a chance to heal are what is really needed. My only satisfaction as a detox nurse is to help someone survive to live another day whether the services are out there or not. I depend on each individual to navigate our myriad of inadequate systems.

There has been nothing like it. Who do I blame? All of us. Our health care systems, our pharmaceutical companies, our families, our very cultures. Am I angry? I don’t have time to be angry when I am shepherding a youngster, a mom or a dad, or sometimes even a grandparent through a complex withdrawal. At some point, these dangerous, toxic substances trump survival.

“We’d stared into the face of Death, and Death blinked first. 

You’d think that would make us feel brave and invincible. It didn’t.”

~ Rick Yancey, The 5th Wave

Movie Review: Manchester by the Sea written and directed by Kenneth Lonergan

Nominated for a 2017 Golden Globe Award, Manchester by the Sea, beautifully filmed and acted, was a hard film for me to watch. The story is about life after great tragedy and loss. Lee Chandler is a man who tragically lost his children in a fire and, with good reason, blames himself. He and his wife, Randi, played by Michelle Williams, divorce. The story shows how this severely traumatized man lives his life, holding in his grief and anger. What amazed me was how Casey Affleck, in the role of Lee Chandler, maintained a flat, dead expression in his everyday life. A life that was very impoverished and devoid of any enjoyment. His eyes always looked ready to cry, but were dry, red rimmed. His only expressions of grief were explosions of rage when he had had one too many drinks of beer. 

And so, this leaden life as a janitor of a large apartment building continued until his brother, Joe, died of a heart condition. In his will, Joe made Lee, guardian of his seventeen year old son, Patrick until Patrick was twenty one. The first indication of the enormity of this task was the look of panic on Lee Chandler’s face when he read the will and understood that he was the legal guardian of his nephew. The details of Lee Chandler’s previous life were not revealed until then, details shown through Lee's very poignant and painful flashbacks. The next part of this story shows the relationship between Lee and Patrick. Patrick was established in his school and hockey community and loved his time on his dad’s fishing boat, but was confronting his own grief. Admittedly the foibles of a young male teenager added some comic relief to this powerful film.

Principles of blame, self-recrimination and survival run through Mancester by the Sea. This is not a ‘happy ending’ sort of story, but the ending satisfied the concerns of both Lee and his nephew Patrick, as well as the terms of Joe’s will. Make certain you bring tissues to this movie.

“We are like islands in the sea, separate on the surface 

but connected in the deep.”

~ William James

Written and directed by:  Kenneth Lonergan

Cast:
Casey Affleck          Lee Chandler
Michelle Williams   Randi (Lee Chandler’s wife)
Kyle Chandler          Joe Chandler
Lucas Hedges         teenage Patrick 
Peter Harris              young Patrick
Danae Nason            Rachel (Patrick's mother)
Matthew Broderick  Rachel’s second husband

Not In Vain

Not In Vain

Once upon a time there was a young boy who wanted to be just like his grandpa. Sometimes he  wanted to be very exactly the same. Then he would just shrug his little shoulders, put his hands in his pockets, just like his grandpa, and say ‘Hmmm’. Now this young boy was only five years old. His grandpa called him ‘young man’. He really liked that. It made him feel grown up. 

His grandpa was kind. His grandpa was smart. His grandpa had a great big laugh that made eveyone feel warm and tingly. His grandpa took care of his animals like they were family. They couldn’t live in the house because grandma wouldn’t let them. And it was a whole herd of sheep that roamed the hills behind grandma and grandpa’s house. One day, when he was in the pasture waiting for his grandpa, he tried to name them all, but after only three names he couldn’t tell them apart! But grandpa seemed to know them all. He could tell by their shapes and sizes. Even tiny differences in their wooly coats or shapes of their ears. So he stopped thinking about it. 

Grandpa was smart too. He read lots of books and sometimes read them to his 'Young Man'. One of them was written by a man with a funny name called Shakespeare. He didn’t understand all of the stories. This made his head hurt so he stopped thinkng about it. 

There was only one time when he didn’t want to be like his grandpa. He loved hearing his grandpa’s laugh. Sometimes his laugh would change. It sounded the same but it didn’t feel warm. It was very cold and it was not tingly. It scraped like it was scraping against his heart. And there was a funny smell whenever the ‘bad day’s’ laugh would be there. One of his grandpa’s friends that he didn’t like might be visiting. And grandma was usually crying and sometimes yelling. And grandma didn’t do that. She was kind too. And smart. She and grandpa would talk about that Shakespeare guy. If the young boy came over when one of these bad days were happening, he felt really bad. He would check to make sure the animals had been fed. Sometimes he got grandma a cookie and a glass of water and try not to let grandpa see him. If he did, he'd holler out ‘There’s my Young Man! C’mere, Young Man. Say hello to my friend here. Tell him all about trying to name all the sheep in the whole g.d. flock!" The young boy felt stupid and ashamed. 

He knew the next time he saw his grandpa all the bottles would be gone. Grandma and grandpa would be quiet and not talking to each other and the house would feel cloudy. His grandpa would apologize and tell him he’ll never treat him that way again. The 'bad day’s' grandpa was the only time that the young man didn’t want to be like his grandpa. One day, after one of the bad days, the young boy told his grandpa that he wouldn’t be coming back to visit them. Ever again. Because he didn’t like the bad days. He didn’t like to see his kind, smart, laughing grandpa turn into a bad man. That made his grandpa and his grandma cry. But he didn’t know what else to do. He had tried to figure it out. But it made his head hurt so he had to stop thinking about it. So he said good by to his grandma and his grandpa and walked away with tears rolling down his cheeks.

The young boy grew up and became a young man with dreams and hopes. Although his beloved grandpa died after too many ‘bad days’, the young man decided he wanted to know why. Why did his grandpa change so dramatically when he drank alcohol. Not everyone in his family changed or drank too much. In high school he had been taught how to look for answers. He found he had an affinity for research and was full of questions that begged for answers. He had an insatiable desire to chase down those answers. Despite dead ends and trails that led off in unexpected directions, the young man kept up his search. Many people told him it was useless, that there was no point chasing down something that was just a bunch of bad choices. But the Young Man knew that his grandpa only chose to pick up one drink. He knew his grandpa did not to turn into an unpleasant man - a monster in a child’s eyes. 

There were many times his head hurt from thinking about it all, but hope for new answers pushed him forward. His grandpa would not die in vain and unloved. The Young Man began his search from the intuition of a child and the sadness of watching his kind, smart and laughing grandfather.

“What we find changes who we become.”

~ Peter Morville

How Can I?

How can I respect?
Behaviour 
   Irrational or rude
      Annoying or mushy
        Aggressive or violent

When the child that was
    has been lost 
      in an emotional and chemical vortex.

Sweetness and love ~
  vanished as though never there.
    Addiction to alcohol or drugs a catalytic converter.

“Respect must be earned”
     An old adage learned at an adult’s knee

What if respect once earned 
     is torn and tattered,
        frayed and ragged

How can I respect?
    An individual heart and soul is not lost
        merely trapped 
          in need of peace, calm and kindness.

To see life reborn
   Baby steps being taken 
      Eyes shining again
Self-respect regained deserves anyone’s respect.

“I never meet a ragged boy in the street without feeling 

that I may owe him a salute, for I know not what 

possibilities may be buttoned up under his coat.”

~ James A. Garfield

Keeping Silent

Sitting across from a
  A son or a daughter
    A mother or father
      A grandma or grandpa
Cousins, nieces or nephews

My curiosity is kept in check
  for all but medical details of
    alcohol misuse
       drug misuse

prescription, illicit or from the cabinet at home.

Sitting across I watch
  tears and exquisite sadness of life gone so very wrong
    the exhaustion of years buried in chemicals
      fear and nervousness about coming sickness
withdrawal from chemicals is the easy part of recovery.

“At the bottom of every person’s dependency, 

there is always pain. Discovering the pain and 

healing it is an essential step in ending dependency.”

~ Chris Prentiss, The Alcoholism and Addiction Cure

First Day of Addictions Nursing Conference, Charlotte, North Carolina

Today was a full day of pre-conference starting at 0800.  We had a couple of breaks in the morning, an hour for lunch and then an short break in the afternoon. This workshop I attended was a review for the Certified Addictions Nurse's exam. I must admit, my experience has taught me much. I felt a bit overwhelmed by the credentials, letters and titles of my colleagues in the rooms. Each of us working in different areas and at different levels of Addictions Nursing. Addiction is the same in Victoria as in the United States. The drugs are the same, the drug classes are the same - only the names and the ways they are being used are different. That includes the pharmaceuticals that are used to treat withdrawal, and early sobriety from drugs. Addiction and alcoholism is the same, but only health care laws and structures are constantly evolving and changing. I did hear much more about laws and protocols in the United States. However, there are ethical similarities between our countries.

Do I have a problem with using drugs to treat an addiction? I definitely do, and at same time see their benefit and necessity in some situations. However, it can be too easy to forget about other ways to help those that suffer from this dreadful and potentially tragic condition. In the next few days, we will be learning about other ways to manage addiction care.

After the conference, after putting my feet up for a little while, I took a walk with a new acquaintance. She and I went to Target and then for supper at Chipolte's for a huge burrito and a taco bowl. A lovely walk on a clear calm evening. Walking back into the hotel, music and a full restaurant/lounge were melded and full of energy. I took myself up here to the 15th floor to have a quiet evening with the television and my i-pad.

"Each day is filled with promise, potential and possibility."

~ Tony Curl

Envisioning Trust

A slight glimmering through 
the dust and grime of the streets
the denaturing nature of alcohol
the heaps of baggage of past lives

Very dimly shining with
a gentle, guiding arm for a gentle hand at the elbow
words of respect and caring
steps measured and equally paced

An unpolished glow that
decries stigma and marginalization
defines community in any society.
Is an Aura for safety in relationship?

trust is an invisible
warmth from the soul
has no shape or size
can be measured and shared.

“Don’t let your inability to see get in the way of your vision.”

~ Jarod Kintz, 99 Cents For Some Nonsense

When Blossoms Return

Revolving doors spin and turn
Revolving lives grasping and gasping
In and out
Up and down
Come and go

Relationships tangled and drowned
in chemical mixes of drugs and alcohol
until slowly, slowly
mixes and tangles separate and float apart
some to never return

Belief and trust in others builds by ones and twos
as belief and trust are offered in health’s direction.
And so, health and smiles return with gratitude ~
revolving doors open,
revolving lives blossom.

“The return is one of the hardest shots to make 

when you come back from an injury.”

~  Lindsay Davenport

Believing is Not Enough

Most of us know that 
abuse of drugs and abuse of alcohol leaves the brain demanding more.

Many of us believe ~
Just Stop! And carry on with life like the rest of us do.

What many do not know is that
early sobriety does not bring emotional security with it.

What many cannot know or feel is
waving, spiking moods with rages or tears or just plain numb
the wondrous clear eyed days of energy and motivation
unpredictable or non-existent sleep
waking up knowing that your life is your own again
tripping and staggering when not drunk or stoned
playing hop-scotch with your children without a miss
nightmares and dreams noisy with past days and nights of drinking or drugging.
Many a good nights sleep.

Early sobriety does not equal emotional security.
Emotional security can be built.
Day by day
Friend by friend
Self-help or professional - or maybe both

Detoxing is the easy part.
The first years of sobriety are a challenge.
The first years and all that follow are living life like the rest of the world.

“People still question my sobriety, my commitment to the program, 

and that hurts. I take things day by day, and sometimes I take them 

minute by minute, but I honour my commitment to stay sober.”

~ Tom Arnold

Marginalized Health Care

Time from last drink of alcohol to a liver transplant: six months, a requirement before surgery. Sobriety before any surgery is only logical and definitely necessary. What supports were put in place to allow this to occur? Early sobriety can be at least as devastating mentally and emotionally as recovering from major surgery ~ unless the individual is offered treatment and support for this chronic disease condition.

All details surrounding this constitutional challenge by Ms. Deborah Selkirk in Ontario are limited to media reports. Ms. Selkirk’s husband Mark died in 2010 due to liver disease caused by his alcoholism. If offers of assistance with early sobriety, as part of the health care issue, were made there is no mention of them. Ethical nursing care and medical management would dictate a plan of care to stabilize any and all health and disease conditions.

“In my opinion, our health care system has failed when 

a doctor fails to treat an illness that is treatable."
~ Kevin Alan Lee, The Split Mind: Schizophrenia

'Demon Rum' vs Happy New Year!!

In the world of consuming of alcohol or drugs, the word spirit is often heard, very often in jest when one’s spirits have been elevated, sullied or dampened by ‘demon rum.’ There is no time, and definitely not in these holidays, for alcohol or other drugs to be consumed in quantities that allow for one’s personal spirit to be seconded to these chemicals. 

There are many that would disagree, and disagree heartily, with me. Possibly even accompanied by guffaws and raucous laughter. However, I have seen, know and very likely been related to many who have ultimately succumbed to some form of chemical spirits, forever leaving only memories of the lives they lived ~ the fragments of their true spirits shining through a watery, wavering chemical aura.

This time of year, and especially this evening, has too great a potential for tragedy to arrive suddenly and without warning while spirits are altered. 

Please be careful out there, don’t drink, drug and drive - and have fun!!

“All that spirits desire, spirits attain.”

~  Khalil Gibran

Re-connecting Humanity

A heart torn by thoughts swaddled

in past present future

and what if 

and must do 

and no one else will help.

Finding the spot of care and logic

in a careworn and illogical life

to bring focus and calm awareness

no matter if a bit cloudy.

Communication is challenged.

Sanity, order and respectful kindness

delve into swirling unreliable thoughts

without disturbing too much of the muck.

Thoughts that should not be disturbed 

threaten to eddy into a vortex filled

with muddied voices and hum

pulling even stability inside.

A nugget of humanity glows faintly, faintly

in hearts dulled by years of abuse whether 

    alcohol or drugs, 

    physical or mental

    emotional or spiritual.....or maybe all.

“You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; 

if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty.”

~ Mahatma Gandhi

Undercurrents

Undercurrents 

Staff at the nursing station overheard a terse phone conversation. Their latest client sounded decisive but very tired. Putting the phone down heavily, he turned to the nurse with a forced smile and said that it hadn’t been a good conversation. This middle 50’s business man, was trying to run his business from the detox he was in, only minutes after he was up and around that morning. His phone call had been with his employee suddenly managing a busy Monday morning. Showered and wearing casual street clothes, he was at the nurse’s station to have his morning alcohol withdrawal assessment done when his phone call had come. The nurse on duty had let him take the call first. There were no alcohol withdrawal symptoms needing immediate attention. Once off the phone, it was the nurse’s turn to occupy a few minutes of his time. The clinical assessment revealed that he did in fact show some withdrawal symptoms from stopping alcohol. To many folks, stopping alcohol after a heavy drinking bout would only mean a nasty hangover that would pass fairly smoothly. However this hangover had already lasted three days, and was not quite done. Still tremulous, still higher than normal anxiety, still nauseated, he was very discouraged and disgusted with himself. His abuse of alcohol, his addiction to alcohol, was destroying the fine business he had painstakingly developed. His situation was definitely not to his liking. He closed himself off from anyone present, including himself. An undercurrent of anger threatened to overwhelm. Walking back to the phone, he made another business call.

“In spite of everything I shall rise again: I will take up my pencil, which 

I have forsaken in my great discouragement, and I will go on drawing.”

~ Vincent Van Gogh

Author's note (Dec.07/23): 

This story is based on one true situation. 

These same issues occurred for many others.

Edited for punctuation December 07, 2023