Gate Keeper

Epilepsy walks with me 

using the same feet that 

carry the rest of my body.

To understand that was not easy. 

Epilepsy was in my brain. 

Take a pill and seizures will 

stop being unpredictable.

Slowly, awkwardly, I learned 

that life with epilepsy had 

to become a relationship.

A relationship of respect.

Not mutual, but very much

my own responsibility

To understand that was not easy.

Epilepsy is in my brain,

without its own intelligence.

So I am its gate keeper.

“This is your life. You are responsible for it. 

You will not live forever. Don’t wait.”

~ Natalie Goldberg

Stumbles

Coming to terms with what? 

The weather? 

My lot in life?

My past that always seemed 

to have a trip wire making

me stumble, stop and think, 

choose the how not the why

Of course today, 

that ever present present, 

still has its trip wires. 

Knowing that, I can take my time, 

Avoid the stumble; still stop, think 

and make better choices 

not perfect just better.

“For last year’s words belong to last year’s language, 

and next year’s words await another voice.”

~ T.S.Eliot

Invisible Reason

 

Invisible responses are my own 

when no one is around to see 

the sudden jerk of my arm, 

the blink on and off of consciousness 

the drift in a cotton space 

that weighs me down 

for an hour or a day 

with no reason that is visible.

The reason is epilepsy ~

 ~ tucked neatly inside my brain.

“One bears things because there is no alternative.”

~ C.J.Sansom, Sovereign