Like a Puzzle

Alone with 

my thoughts 

that swirl, 

dip and dive 

I am comforted 

when 

they shuffle 

and regroup 

like a puzzle

coming into focus. 

Letting them play 

their games in my head, 

I can choose 

which to keep and 

which will serve

me in this life.

“The best thinking has been done in solitude.”

~ Thomas Edison

Early Morning Silence

There are times when 

I don’t like being alone. 

Times when silence deafens.

~ when early morning is dark; 

no traffic on the streets; wind 

not furring thro' naked trees; 

when I feel solitary; alone 

in this building of families; 

this city of workers 

  and lovers 

    and children. 

times when my ears ringing are 

the only sound that I hear

The cat is even silent, fed and content

~ not yet breathing his funny buzzsaw snore. 

But I know that I have just 

awakened in this early morning

~  that the building has yet to 

yawn awake; the city still sleeps.

There may be another like me 

across the street or across the city 

who also feels the calming sound 

of early morning silence.

“Go placidly amid the noise and haste, 

and remember what peace there may be in silence.”

~ Max Ehrmann,  Desiderata

Two Sides of the Street

Loneliness and solitude are two completely different things. I have felt them both. When I am lonely, I feel cut off, unloved and unwanted; feeling very sorry for myself, and that no one really understands me or wants to understand me. It’s a very bleak, frightening and empty feeling. Beauty and joy are singed badly around the edges. Incredibly melodramatic! 

When I am in a state of solitude, I feel whole. Excited about life, I know I am loved and wanted. As far as that cut off feeling? It’s my responsibility to reach out to others. Reaching out can be because I am lonely, or because I’ve not connected with my loved ones, or both. Disconnection does go two ways. In a state of solitude, even the tiniest flower is beautiful. My heart will feel joy in my world as it is; great sadness for the tragedies in the lives of others.

There is narrow path between the two states of being. Maybe they are two sides of the same street. Solitude going on too long can slide silently into loneliness. Just like a treasured gift ~ if solitude is not appreciated and cherished, it can become a dark and broken loneliness. 

“I hold this to be the highest task for a bond between two people; 

that each protects the solitude of the other.”

~ Rainer Maria Rilke

The Echo of Solitude

The Echo of Solitude

“Solitude isn’t all that bad.” Clayton had never known solitude. Being alone. Being lonely. He knew those all too well. When he heard the word ‘solitude’ he shut down. Those alone times were frightening. But here he was in the midst of a nowhere place where all he could hear were night birds welcoming the dusk. Only a drift of cloud, deep pink and purple hovered at the horizon. Then he picked up another sound. At first it was like a …..what was that….. water dripping? No, it’s the creek by the ancient mill across the gravelled road. A slight breeze picked up his hair. In the distance, a train whistle echoed. Lifting his flute to his lips, Clayton piped a trill onto the evening breeze. All that remained was the echo of solitude.

“Then stirs the feeling infinite, so felt

In solitude, where we are least alone.”

~ George Gordon Byron, Childe Harold’s Pilgrimage

Creative Solitude ~ SOLITUDE ~ Theme for September 2023

"Solitude isn’t all………

Over time, it gets………

Loneliness and solitude…

Individual moments……

Time and money may….

“Unless I’ve learned…

Dreams are the ultimate…..

Everyone needs………

“Loneliness is the poverty of self; solitude is richness of self.”

~ May Sarton

What’s Next?

What’s next? 

Always running around my mind like a squirrel in a cage. 

Trying to find my story inside the blur

of morning metallic radio voices of 

philosophy, history or culture

news of the day, 

comedy sketches or

the silence, 

the aloneness, 

the sameness everyday, 

the never ending reminders of the invisible 

the cotton wool of nothingness closing in on my mind. 

its softness seductive

Until I raise my head and wake from it all 

To see the blue sky, white streaks and puffs of cloud

Feel the cool wind on my face

Smell fresh, clean air

Hear juncos chittering, crows rasping

Children playing and laughing,

Cars and trucks busying the streets

Sun shining warm and bright

Life being lived and loved.

“Whatever happens next, I’m sure it’s going to be a great adventure.”

~ Jen Calonita, Paparazzi Princess

On an Afternoon Stroll - Zach's Story

“Yeah, my name’s Zach and I’m just sittin’ here watchin’ folks go by. It’s a little cool, but I’m stuffed and all fleeced up so I’m good. I don’t know where my buds went, but they’ll be back. I’m sure not going anywhere. There’s the joggers all in their spandex joggin’ on by. One or two cyclists. And the noisy geese and the ducks. As long as they keep away. I don’t need one of 'em pullin’ my leg, rippin’ me up. That could get real ugly, real fast. And I’m here all by myself! Don’t know where my buds went, but they’ll be back. I’ll just keep sittin’ here watchin’ folks go by…….Hey! You! Get my good side. That’s better. You had your shadow makin’ me look not so bright! Get on with you now……If you see my buds along the path, tell’em I’m gettin’ bored!.”

“I’m just sittin here trying not to be unhappy.”

~ Lars Ulrich, musician

To Know

I have felt small ~ 

but not insignificant

I have felt alone ~

but seldom lonely

I have felt deep melancholy ~
healing begins in the deep.

I have felt vulnerable ~

but recognize my strength.

I have felt afraid ~

but appreciate my fear.

I have felt all my feelings ~

and know that I am human.

“The emotion that can break your heart is 

sometimes the very one that heals it.”

~ Nicholas Sparks

Not a Rant

Tonight, a rant. No, it’s not about masks - I have new attractive ones to wear. It’s not about new restrictions - as long as I can get outside in the snow for a good walk, I’m good. I’m sad to say, it’s not even about desperately missing my sons, missing all my family - some just across the city or across the country, one in another country. I only wanted to make cookies - ginger snaps to be precise. I had all the ingredients because I get my groceries delivered. So what was I ranting about? I couldn’t find the beaters for my hand mixer. I did finally find them and cleaned out a couple of drawers in the process. And some people are worried about all these pandemic issues. 

“ Vehemence without feeling is but a rant.”

~ George Henry Lewes

Author's - I had to write this on my iPad in order to get a photo on my page. By the way - good cookies - maybe a bit too spicy but I'll check again tomorrow to make sure.

Just in Case........

Little drawers

Big drawers

stuffed with perfect bundles

of organized clutter

tucked away

just in case but

out of sight

out of mind.

lonely computer cords.

forgotten project supplies.

fixit things squirrelled away.

neglected artist’s tools and paintings.

criss crossing through years 

of progress, plans and maybe’s

kept together for later,

someday or sometime.

“Just in case is the curse of packing,,,,,”

~ Alexandra Potter

Quietly

Dignity ~ a proud and upright bearing, 

character speaking quiet volumes 

of inner strength and wisdom 

no matter a regal nature or an impoverished bank account. 

Dignity learned from where or whom? 

There is much talk of dying with dignity,

when there is little dignity in death, 

but great dignity in living into death. 

All too morbid for my mind right now, 

too distant for my living right now. 

Dignity in living sometimes not achieved 

in situations spinning out of control 

drenched in loneliness and fear. 

We, as the other, step up and share our own dignity 

to help those who suffer so much more than we imagine.

Dignity is not arrogant, but filled with kindness

Kindness, humility and strength.

“Nothing is so essential as dignity…

Time will reveal who has it and who has it not.”

~ Elizabeth Gilbert, The Signature of All Things

Beyond Today

Beyond Today

Carefully scanning each day’s horizons for signs of cloud or storm would be a part of his life that would leave a hole. Not a little tear, not a blind spot but a huge gaping hole. Even so, Courtney smiled. He had ridden the prairies for years, worked his ranch faithfully and, with his wife, had raised a fine family. His wife was gone now. His daughter and his son both married and away in their own lives. With all of them gone, loneliness had settled on his shoulders. At first Courtney just shrugged it off, caring for his prized horses and the few head of cattle he still kept. And it worked. For a while. He would get into his new pickup, go to town and shoot pool with men he had known since high school. Everything felt flat. Courtney felt useless. The balance that family and his ranch had given him kept tilting, leaving him dizzy and unsettled. The idea came slowly when he listened to his friends visiting about their travels. It dawned slowly when he was on his morning ride, breathing deeply of the crisp air. He had married young. He and Esther had had big plans to travel and explore the world once the kids were grown and gone. Esther had died too, too young and left him behind. It was not too late for adventure and he was not too old for adventuring. He hadn’t seen Vancouver Island yet, hadn’t seen the Maritimes and so very many places in between. So he got busy. Not ready to sell, he found a young family to take over the ranch. He traded in the pickup for a travel trailer and set up his computer system in his new rolling home. Courtney spoke to his banker to make certain his finances would pay for it all. Saying good bye to his horses was hard. He promised them all he’d be back. He could still scan each day’s horizons, but it would be on the edge of a cliff, or behind the wheel as he drove down the highway. Maybe….just maybe…..he could fill a big part of that gaping hole.

“One does not discover new lands without consenting 

to lose sight of the shore for a very long time.”

~ André Gide

Monochrome Feelings ~ A Story

The colour of sea and sky are a picture in monochrome. Only the billowing softness of the clouds differ from harsh, choppy waves. All is greyness and heavy damp. Ship’s flag hangs limply. Wilted against the flag pole, too sodden to flap in the brisk wind, it’s colors wrapped around the pole trying uselessly to avoid the rain. Morning had come too early and in the dark wet there had been little light until now. Stewards with steaming coffee stayed just inside doling out satin dark warmth. I’ve stepped outside not caring about the weather. Standing alone on the prow of the ship, I am separate from late breakfast chatter and clatter. There is a space ~ a void ~ in my heart as grey, troubled and dark as this day. I know I can step into the warmth and camaraderie of fellow travellers but cling to my loneliness as to a life raft. I do not want to hear all of their ideas and plans. The rain will soon end the captain reports. But will my tears. I have left a life behind with no return until this pain is eased in my heart. The pain will never truly be gone but will no longer flood my soul as the heavy rain and vast ocean flood around me. There is a loneliness that heals.

“Remember: the time you feel lonely is the time 

you most need to be by yourself. Life’s cruelest irony.”

~ Douglas Coupland, Shampoo Planet

Each Day a Challenge

Directions for recovery resources shared by professionals

handed out on plates of cardboard or china

forks, knives and spoons tucked away inside

waiting patiently to be picked up and used

Each day

When the plate sits in front with no action

food grows cold, the roof falls in and supports slip & fall away

where does the money come from when the banks are dry,

shelter from elements standing empty or non-existent

Each day

Faces, expectant and wondering why

running and playing in the fog of drugs or alcohol

seemed the right thing to do when it beckoned with bony bejewelled fingers

to come outside of the supports and shelters money draining away

Each day

Recovery belongs to the individual

setting lonely tables with flowers and candles

until the deafening silence of early recovery

becomes peaceful and normal and ordinary

Each day

Recovery is shared with family and friends

slowly banishing loneliness with kindness and fun

until there is music and dancing through each twenty four hours

smiles and sunshine balanced with dark days and tears

Each day

“When I dare to be powerful ~ to use my strength in the service of my vision, 

then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid.”

~ Audre Lorde