Things I Did Understand

Things I did understand ~

questions unanswered 

asking why of no use because 

the answer was ‘because’ 

But when those ideas floated away 

I understood crayons, 

cartoon shapes to colour, 

dresses to cut out with the little tabs

Then I could

design ball gowns

for paper dolls

colour inside the lines

just right for this little girl 

bright crayons within my reach

What I understood was that 

I didn’t need to know any more 

than what the next picture needed, 

which doll I should cut out.

But I filled expectations, 

like setting the table for a meal, 

practicing piano or 

getting cleaned up for church, 

going to school. 

I did understand that I was ‘growing up’ 

but didn’t know that meant 

more than how tall I was.

Today in retirement I am still ‘growing up.’

“If you carry your childhood with you, you never become older.”

~ Tom Stoppard

(English dramatist)

Things I Didn’t Understand

Things I didn’t understand ~

questions unanswered 

asking why of no use because 

the answer was ‘because’ 

But there were ideas

I just let float away 

ideas stacked around my life 

unopened books on shelves, 

unused dishes in cupboards. 

Ideas 

about designing gowns, 

about being a journalist, 

about being a linguist ~ 

too big for this little girl 

too far out of reach. 

What I did not understand were 

moods, emotions and 

how to understand others,

why I learned differently 

not as fast as others. 

But I filled expectations, 

like setting the table for a meal, 

practicing piano or 

getting cleaned up for church, 

going to school. 

I didn’t understand how to be, 

but I understood how to do. 

“Doing” carried me a long way

Today in retirement I can learn how to be. 

“No one will understand you. It is not ultimately that important, 

What is important is that you understand you.”

~ Matt Haig,  The Humans

Gate Keeper

Epilepsy walks with me 

using the same feet that 

carry the rest of my body.

To understand that was not easy. 

Epilepsy was in my brain. 

Take a pill and seizures will 

stop being unpredictable.

Slowly, awkwardly, I learned 

that life with epilepsy had 

to become a relationship.

A relationship of respect.

Not mutual, but very much

my own responsibility

To understand that was not easy.

Epilepsy is in my brain,

without its own intelligence.

So I am its gate keeper.

“This is your life. You are responsible for it. 

You will not live forever. Don’t wait.”

~ Natalie Goldberg

Only a Moment

I suppose it has to be a selfish thing

To move ahead in life 

Understanding oneself before others.

But there must full knowledge of 

past, present and dreams. A very time 

consuming thing. I do struggle 

with its meaning although I admit 

to pride on being understanding.

~~~~~

But I do not understand all the complexities 

of how a tree grows. I could study it til 

my eyes burned, become an arborist and 

finally know all about trees, but it only 

takes a moment to look up into their branches,

And be awed by their existence in my life.

“Sometimes it’s not enough to know what things mean, 

sometimes you have to know what things don’t mean.”

~ Bob Dylan

A Cat Tale - The Layabout

I had finished gathering and sorting all my laundry, not pleased with my new hire. I had hoped to have great conversations about world affairs or just the state of snow removal in the city. And of course, a reliable employee. Had my expectations of the young man been too great? When he initially came on the scene, we did have a couple of short interviews - that I didn’t know were interviews. I later learned I was the interviewee. I hired him some months later. He had seemed pleasant enough, even though he was quite young. He wasn’t one of those eager beaver types that want to get in your face whenever one sits down to read a book or finish up computer files and seemed quite quiet and polite. Previous employers seemed quite satisfied with his comportment although in retrospect I realized his employee status had been carefully avoided.  So when he was recommended to me, having lost his position in a very comfortable home, I decided it was time to hire some help. I admit this decision was partly selfish on my account as winter had set in with a vengeance. I could offer room and board, with a bit of light housework. I learned via the grapevine that he may have had to live shelter to shelter  - on the street and getting involved with all kinds of vicious characters. Within the first 24 hours in my home, that handsome young man that I thought was quiet and polite was bossy and noisy. He talked my ear off at that top of his lungs. Demanded that he have free range in the kitchen. That is as well as regular meals - that I had to make for him. If it hadn’t been blizzarding, I would have given him my old sleeping bag and opened the door. But I am too soft hearted. 

Over time, we came to an understanding about all the racket he was making. I’m a bit of a loner and cherish my peace and quiet. Slowly things settled into a comfortable routine. We respected each other’s space and had developed a cordial relationship. Until today. I had asked for help with gathering and sorting the laundry. Not a big job. I just wanted some company. He wandered around, sat on the window seat looking out at the world then seemed to have disappeared. Then I found him. Taking a nap. 

“A quick nap right now sounds really good.”

~ Fred Olsen Ray

The Other Guy

 

Understanding

    the other guy’s

        position is awkward

Lying down

   Standing up or

      Sitting down

Has there been

   deepening darkness or

      steady light?

Has there been

     hope for tomorrow and 

         courage in each day?

Are we warmly dressed for

   summer or winter

        rain or snow?

Understanding 

   the other guy’s

      position is difficult.

“Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood. 

Now is the time to understand more so that we may fear less.”

~ Marie Curie

For Everyone - COURAGE - Theme for October, 2020

 

Although I’ve continued to set a theme to follow for each month, my charming group on the Beaufort Estate in the story, Situationally Theirs, has prevented me from introducing each theme. Because I’ve changed my format for about five months, I’ve missed the challenges that I set myself at the beginning of each month. This month’s theme: COURAGE. 

               For Everyone

Communication or gossip, which should it be?

Outside information, always welcome,…

Understanding the other guy’s position…….

Rarely, if ever, do we take into consideration……..

Audacity is sometimes mistaken for…….

Gathering his wits about him……

Energy is not always available…….

“Real courage is when you know you’re licked before you begin, 

but you begin anyway and see it through no matter what.”

~ Harper Lee, To Kill a Mockingbird

Master of Magic

Spring, 2019

Understanding the 

inner workings of our bodies

takes the miraculous magic

from the sudden success of healing except for the beautiful uplift that is wonder.

Muscles, tendons and ligaments of our bodies work, shift and move our solid bones and flexible joints keeping them aligned and in balance 

to protect us from unforgiving hard knocks.

What is the real magic and miraculous?

~ That this beautiful matrix for each of us

is created to grow and develop into 

the magic miracles that, with care and attention,

move us through our many faceted lives.

“My hand feels touched as well as it touches;

 reality says this, and nothing more.”

~ Paul Valéry, Selected Writings

Ownership ~AUTONOMY ~Theme for March 2019

Actively seeking…..

Understanding my…….

Treating each day……

Opening doors……..

Nodding ‘hello’ to opportunity….

Outside for a breath…….

Magic happens today……

Yoda knows the questions……..

“If you just set people in motion they’ll heal themselves.”

~ Gabrielle Roth, Maps to Ecstasy

Yes, Really.

I swallowed my anger 

about plastic kelp ~

a molten lump indigestible without a modicum of understanding,

acceptance of the mindlessness of others

and knowing that I must fix my own world.

Grateful that I took a deep breath!

Anger can be as lethal as plastic.

“You will not be punished for your anger,

 you will be punished by your anger.”

~ Buddha