Place Marks
Music, however could transport them, lift their hearts into its flow, lift their feet off the floor to get them moving and feeling normal again. Emelina believed in music with all her heart. When she heard Beethoven’s romantic Moonlight Sonata, when a symphony played the stirring Ride of the Valkyries, her heart would melt or soar no matter the circumstances of her life. But. If she heard ‘Don’t stop believin’ one more time……It was one thing to hear the music, but Dez’s singalongs were just too much.
“Do you have to play that over and over and over, Dez? Do you not like or even know any other music?”
“I didn’t know it bothered you, Emmie. I can’t seem to find my earbuds. I’ll turn the sound down. You’ll be in your room anyway won’t you?”
“Actually, no I won’t. I get tired of being ‘in my room’ like I was little child. And just because you want to play your music and sing like you were one of the band? Can’t we find some music we both like?”
Emmie knew she was being harsh. She really rather enjoyed being in her own room. She called it her own room now, not Digby’s room. It was quiet. She had a lovely bay window and could see the gardens and lawns. Which, by the way, were getting a bit out of hand, with no one to tend them. She would have to see how she could contact her yard man about whether he could come to tidy them up. Maybe show her, or at least tell her if she could do anything. That would certainly get her outside and away from Dez’s daily performances.
Dez knew that she hated the classical music always coming out of Emmie’s room. She hadn’t said anything. Yet. But now that her music had been criticized, she thought she just might. But we are grown women. We've been at each other like we need someone to tell us to Just Stop Fighting! Dez sighed. Do we have to agree with each other’s tastes in music? We never have before. Maybe they had been cooped up with each other too long. Talking to Digby and to Martha was great. The shopping trip for Martha and Digby was actually fun. But they had both been so played out afterwards. Ever since, everything seemed off kitler. No, actually it seemed more than off kilter. Out of balance. Tension had been mounting since they pulled the tape off the floor. They still kept their distance, but they didn’t have defined spaces anymore. They ate at the same table, just at different ends of the long servant’s table. Dez didn’t think putting the tape back would help. She almost laughed out loud at the thought, but Emmie was cranky enough that Dez didn’t think she would see anything funny about that at all. Talking to Digby, more so than Martha, made it clear to both Dez and to Emmie that they weren’t really in this together. Emelina owned this place. Desperanza was merely her little sister who needed a place to stay in this crisis. If Emmie hadn’t been half asleep and feeling deserted, would she have been so gracious? Dez decided to find out if she would be able to get back into her apartment. But she no longer had a job, so couldn’t pay her rent. She hadn’t applied for any of the government funding or even checked to see if she qualified.
Emelina had felt the same tension that Dez had. We are two grown women. Our life experiences are different, our experiences with music are different. Our tastes in music have been different since we were little. Dez has always sung and danced to energetic music. Sometimes even moving to some classical music Emmie loved so much. Why does it matter anyway? That damn tape on the floor. Emmie thought that ripping it from the floor would let her feel almost normal. But she was always afraid that she would bump into Dez’s space. She hadn’t known where her space was and where Dez's space began. Talking to Digby and Martha yesterday just made it worse. For Emmie, it had felt good to see them and talk with them. Going to the grocery store felt normal and good, if maybe a little strange. Some people wore masks and gloves, but in general, it felt normal and good. Being able to greet people, smile and have it returned. Once Emmie and Dez delivered the groceries and came home, something just felt wrong. As though neither of them belonged. It was Cook’s kitchen, Digby’s room and Martha’s room. Dez and I are interlopers. None of it feels real. Like we’ve both been in some kind of weird dream.’
They spoke in unison…..”Emmie, I’m so sorry.” “Dez, Please forgive me.” Tears welled up in their eyes. They started to laugh.
“Listen to us! How old are we? Of course I forgive you for being so cranky and not liking “Don’t stop believin’’. Dez spun around while she sang the words.”I’d spin you around with me is I could reach your hand.”
“And I forgive you, Dez. For playing that song you love so much over and over and over til it drives me crazy. I’m just getting so stir crazy in this kitchen. I almost wanted to put the tape back on the floor so I’d know where my place is.”
“That’s what it’s all about isn’t it.”
“What is?”
“We don’t know where our places are? You’re living Downstairs when you should be Upstairs. I’m living in your kitchen when I should be in my own apartment in town. You’re sleeping in Digby’s room and you should be in your own room, sleeping in your own bed. I’m in Martha’s room. Martha that I just met two days ago when I should be in my own apartment, sleeping in my own bed! You’re an employer and a hoity toity person and I’m a lackey and a bank robber.”
“You are absolutely right, Dez. Everything is all mixed up and upside down. So what are we going to do about it, because I do not want to spend my days being out of sorts with me, with you and with…..with……well, everything.”
“All right, let’s make a plan. First, we find out if we still have to be distancing when it’s just the two of us. That’s really getting hard, never knowing when contact is ok and when it isn’t. Now it’s your turn.”
“Let me see……What about…..I take you on a tour of the Upstairs.”
Dez suddenly was quiet.. “What’s wrong Dez? It’s just an ordinary house.”
“It’s not that. It’s just that I have a dinky little one bedroom apartment that I don’t know if I can even return to. I guess I’m a little intimidated. When it’s just you and I in our kitchen house, it's kind of ok. But when I start seeing You and Me in our regular lives, it gets a bit scary.
“Well, then we need to go to your apartment so I can see my little sister’s home.” The realization that Dez was feeling more uprooted that she was, struck Emelina hard. Their parents both gone for many years, cousins miles away, they really only had each other as family. Emelina had poured herself into her work. The heartstring ties between Emelina and Desperanza had almost come undone.
