Saddened - A Rant

The gentleman was tall, well dressed in leather jacket, casual slacks and polished shoes. Thick, gorgeous white hair and a self confident demeanour. He was leaning casually on the sign that tells patrons to ‘line up here’.

The bank has been undergoing repairs since a rain storm in the fall left serious damage. It meant that there is only one entrance and exit through one fairly wide door. Security officers are posted in the foyer, one at a time. The line ups have always been orderly, respecting the sign that tells us where to line up. Today was different with a clot of people just inside the door. 

Another security officer arrived and I supposed it was shift change. The two officers came to the head of the line-up and politely asked the small group of people to move back behind the sign. The man I described became arrogant and rude - no gentleman. He confronted the officers and demanded to know why they wanted anyone to move. “What? Is it a security issue?” His tone of voice entitled and brash. When asked why he wouldn’t move: “I don’t like to be told what to do!”

Those words could have been someone being rude, so I ignored it. But when he said to the officers, both of another ethnicity: “This is a civilized country you know.” I felt embarrassed. Neither of the officers responded to his taunt. In fact, no one of the half dozen of us were drawn into his unpleasant behaviour. The little gathering was called to the tellers just then and the line moved on. We all got our business completed without further issues.

“Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference.”

~ Winston S. Churchill

Movie Review: Don't Look Up - Directed by Adam McKay

Everyday it gets a little closer but no one listened to its reality.  A global catastrophic event on the horizon. From a science lab at Michigan State, a doctoral student, Kate Dibialsky played by Jennifer Lawrence, discovered a gigantic comet on a trajectory towards Earth. She called her professor, Dr Randall Mindy who gathered his students together to go over the data. The data was frightening and correct. The U.S. President Orlean, played by Meryl Streep, is a caricature of any leader of the free world who understands more about polling numbers than the data of scientists. Her rebuff of the scientific data is not just frustrating but to Kate Dibialsky, infuriating. Enter Peter Isherwell, played by Mark Rylance, who has the money, power and vision to mine the comet for its riches rather than protect Earth.

I read several reviews and this movie was not a favourite of many. I disagreed and found its message quite powerful. The camera pans through our world of abundance and nonchalance, politics and greed, underscoring our maladjusted priorities. The security of family and honest relationships are buried in bling, glitz and even graffiti; television programming, money and technology. How there really are distant and unknowable threats to our existence. We are, in short, an arrogant and selfish species, yet we still have the potential to readjust our priorities. All the things we have are not bad in and of themselves, it is only in how we use them. 

This movie isn’t all doom and gloom. It is classified as comedic and is very satiric. This was an area that I found troubling as I don’t always catch satire. The only part I laughed out loud about was the very end. Sorry, no spoiler alert.

“We really did have everything, didn’t we?”

~ Dr. Randall Mindy, Don’t Look Up

Directed by: Adam McKay

Writing Credits:

Adam McKay (screenplay by)

Adam McKay (story by) &

David Sirota (story by)

Partial Cast: 

Leonardo DiCaprio - Dr. Randall Mindy

Jennifer Lawrence - Kate Dibiasky

Meryl Streep - President Orlean

Cate Blanchett - Brie Evantee

Rob Morgan - Dr. Teddy Oglethorpe

Jonah Hill - Jason Orlean

Mark Rylance - Peter Isherwell

Timothée Chalamet - Yule

Standing Still Slowly - An Essay

Precarious, unsteady ground should be obvious. You know, rocks, broken sidewalks, muddy marshy land. Ground we would obviously avoid. Find a way around, or just change directions. In March, 2020 globally we were all thrown onto very precarious and unsteady ground. For some the bottom of life dropped out completely. Tragically, lives were lost, businesses closed, health care was, and still is, severely compromised. And politics spun completely out of control - but that’s another story.

Where is the permission in all of that? None that I can think of, except that Covid 19 happened. For me, it felt like a gigantic rug of security and certainty in life had been jerked right out from under me. For my family, so very many things were thrown up in the air. Living and being aware of one second at a time was a big deal! Not an airy fairy idea posited by some self help guru.

We could not avoid what was right in front of our lives. Certainly, many have been avoiding the reality of the situation since them. But, there has been no way around the presence of this viral enemy. Only vaccinations have decreased the potential for life-threatening illness. Yes, we’ve been encouraged, sometimes pushed, to get vaccinated. Ultimately, we have given our own permission to go forward. But there has been one more thing in this whirling mess that could be done, and in some cases, had to be done: change directions. In my case, it was a major life move. What I will always remember, is how frightened and panicked I felt before I made a scary, but momentous decision. Trapped by my own circumstance, and after many hours of worry and panic, I gave myself permission to jump ship and move to my home province of Saskatchewan. It took a lot of work, different sorts of worry and packing up seventeen years of living. 

Standing still slowly was my mantra once more. I picked my way through the precarious unsteady ground that had become the norm. Cautiously moving forward, life is not as unsteady, or precarious today. I have learned so much! I have met myself on my own terms in this new/old land of Regina. I’m not a bad sort! Finding a new path has been challenging and exciting. Giving myself permission to feel all the unpleasant and pleasant feelings of this new life is a real blessing.

“Give yourself permission to shoot for something that seems totally 

beyond your grasp. You may be surprised at your capabilities.”

~ Danica Patrick

Chapter One, Episode One ~ Six Feet of Separation - Situationally Theirs

**COVID 19 global pandemic restrictions in B.C., Canada announced in March 2020**

May 02, 2020

Post has been edited and updated. This little saga, if I can dare to give it that name, started out as a single blog post. Because it has evolved into an ever evolving story (at this date 38 Episodes), I am reviewing all future blogs to assess timelines and details to fix any discrepancies. 

March 25, 2020: My imagination has been severely challenged this last few weeks. Mounds of information. Too little interesting stimulation to my brain. (By the way, the House Wren nest has been very busy on the inside. Are there babies in there?) Back to my writing challenge. I needed a prompt. www.writingexercises.co.uk, the Random Line Generator, as one of my go to aids. My muse and my pen took it from there. First draft in my journal and second draft, in a completely different direction, on my Laptop. Hope you enjoy this little bit of slapstick ~ don’t think I’ve tried that before.

March 05, 2023: I've just updated the title to indicate Chapter One! I am slowly going through all the rest from the beginning of this story to include 'Chapter One.......'

Six Feet of Separation

Head held high she swept out of the room. A second later, head even higher, she swept back in, snatched up the money and was gone again. But that wasn’t the whole story. Security officers, their desks six feet apart had been watching Desperanza when she entered the bank. 

Covid19, a ‘novel virus’, had swept the globe. Public Health restrictions were popping up like mushrooms after a rain. The Global Grand Banks, better known as GGB’s, were rotating closures of their branches and this was one of them. The bank manager had been suspicious of her for quite some time. Long before the Invisible Menace had taken over the world. The security guards, in stiff blue uniforms with nightsticks and handcuffs, had been alerted to watch for her.

Stanley, short, round and bald and Giovanni, tall, thin and with a man-bun were security officers assigned to guard the branch. They had seen Desperanza walk boldly up to the front door on their security monitors. She slid her security card through the slot to open the door and pushed her way quickly into the lobby. Stanley and Giovanni, switched off their separate computers, scrambled under their separate desks and hoped that Desperanza would think the branch was empty. 

“Stanley! Giovanni! Are you here today?”

“Giovanni!”        “Stanley!”       “Answer me!”

“All right then, I’m just going down to the Manager’s Office and leave her a note that I’ll be driving out of the city.”

~~~~~

Desperanza had no idea that the bank would be so empty today. She had heard the rumours, but surely the Manager would be in her gigantic office. Miss Prudhomme never left work. Desperanza stopped to read the enormous sign on the Manager’s door. ‘All Who Enter Here Must Stay Six Feet Away From Everyone and Everything’  Desperanza shrugged her proud shoulders. That rumour was just scare tactics and Desperanza wasn’t scared. She opened the door anyway. And there it was. Piles of money. Coins winking in the sunlight streaming through the window. Bills stacked neatly ~ little bricks of lovely money. Where were the guards! Why weren’t they here? Why was the money just there for anyone to take? Hmm, I’m anyone and I’m here. I guess I should help myself. Just as she stepped over the ‘six feet from the desk’ line, lights flashed and alarm bells went off. Desperanza grabbed the stack of bills, knocked over all the coins. Her head still held high, she didn’t see the coins under her feet. She slipped and the bills flew out of her hand as she grabbed for the door to steady herself but she lost her balance and tripped over a small black leather garbage can, her glasses flying off her face. Just as she was scrambling to find her glasses, she heard the hurried stomping of booted feet. She only saw Stanley come through the door…..no…….Giovanni was there too but they seemed to be…….. six feet apart?. She felt a handcuff on one wrist then a hand cuff on the other. A sound like chains? These guys each had handcuff after handcuff after handcuff keeping them six feet from their captive. 

“Now what, Stanley”

“We’ll just have to leave her here. Cuff her to that heavy oak desk and I’ll call Miss Prudhomme.”

Well, that’s about all there is to that story. Miss Prudhomme called the police. Before the police arrived to take Desperanza away, the security guards sprayed everything down with their Lysol spray guns ~ Desperanza, the money, the desk…..everything. They went back to their six feet apart desks. Stanley played solitaire on his computer. Giovanni listened to Madame Butterfly on his headphones Neither of them had touched their faces throughout the whole ordeal.

“I think the next best thing to solving a problem is finding some humour in it.”

~ Frank A. Clark, lawyer and politician (1860 - 1936)

Security

Secure in the knowledge that 

an out of order, almost out of control, day sidelines and pushes aside

  musing, 

   essaying, 

     storying, 

or any form of word crafting conferring an awkward sort of permission for writing this stilted bit of wisdom.

“You can always edit a bad page. You can’t edit a blank page.”

~ Jodi Picoult

What Are They? - CHALLENGES ~ Theme for March 2020

"Conveniences have trapped……

Harbours full of …….

Absolution is not……..
Larger than life……

Little more than…..

Effervescence is……

Naively pushing on…..

Gallantly offering…..

Evermore, with humility……

Secure in the knowledge…….

“I have always grown from my problems and challenges, 

from the things that don’t work out, that’s when I’ve really learned.”

~ Carol Burnett

First World Problems

First world problems crop up every day in this part of the world free of bombs, armies, destruction, water limitations and hunger. I haven’t experienced travel to any such areas so have to trust media reports.

Each time I am in the midst of a worry or complaint about how things are run, my personal health or financial security or, dare I mention, age, I also think about my good fortune for being born and raised in Canada, with the added experience of living and working in the United States. This morning, standing in line in the early morning brilliant sunshine waiting for the Medical Clinic to open, all of these things flooded my mind at the same time as I was about to jump into another pity party. The line-up? Not to see a doctor, but to make an appointment to see a doctor in an hour. But would be seeing a doctor to answer questions that this nurse had spinning in her head. And the physician was one of several at this Walk-In Clinic. I don’t have ‘my own’ doctor, but doctors that are well-trained and confident in their training.

Is it right that in this so-called country of ‘free’ health care, which often does not seem really free, that we are not better served? That was the question that interfered with the sunshine.

I not only had my appointment, brief and efficient, but had my questions and concerns answered so I could relax into my life once more. And then, I walked to the lab for a blood test. Which I can access on line and then return to the doctor if there are more questions.

Line up in the spring sunshine? First world problem.

“The huge problems we deal with every day are 

actually really small. We’re so focused on what bothers us that 

we don’t even try to see our lives from a clearer perspective.”

~ Susane Colasanti,  Something Like Fate

Man's Best Friend

A big black dog
brown eyes alert and watchful 
walking steadily and slowly.

His companion tall and straight
grey eyes shifting and blank
walking steadily and slowly.

All around them on city streets
this beautiful day, any day, holds security
only because of the bonds of trust between man and dog.

“Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole.”

~ Roger Caras

Shaken

Touched and troubled by personal beliefs that quietly, steadily move against the grain ~
rubbing up against brittle edges of status quo.

Sharing those beliefs in a way for the world to follow
seems arrogant and unreasonable.

Strength and security in personal beliefs shaken and faded.
Yet, when writing or speaking about those same beliefs
confidence rushes in to shore up heart and soul.

  “Status quos are made to be broken.”

~ Ray Davis

Believing is Not Enough

Most of us know that 
abuse of drugs and abuse of alcohol leaves the brain demanding more.

Many of us believe ~
Just Stop! And carry on with life like the rest of us do.

What many do not know is that
early sobriety does not bring emotional security with it.

What many cannot know or feel is
waving, spiking moods with rages or tears or just plain numb
the wondrous clear eyed days of energy and motivation
unpredictable or non-existent sleep
waking up knowing that your life is your own again
tripping and staggering when not drunk or stoned
playing hop-scotch with your children without a miss
nightmares and dreams noisy with past days and nights of drinking or drugging.
Many a good nights sleep.

Early sobriety does not equal emotional security.
Emotional security can be built.
Day by day
Friend by friend
Self-help or professional - or maybe both

Detoxing is the easy part.
The first years of sobriety are a challenge.
The first years and all that follow are living life like the rest of the world.

“People still question my sobriety, my commitment to the program, 

and that hurts. I take things day by day, and sometimes I take them 

minute by minute, but I honour my commitment to stay sober.”

~ Tom Arnold

Emotional Security

Emotions like clouds ~

floating in whatever skies
thin gauze or thick blankets
bright shining sun hidden or with a wide open smile.

Emotions ~ ever changing

a challenge to even the strongest
balance between bowing to rest and taking initiative
despite the look and feel of the sky ~
a secure anchor while riding high or low.

~ Emotional security 

“And from the midst of cheerless gloom I passed to bright unclouded day.”

~ Emily Brontë

Keep On Runnin'

When a cog in well oiled machine breaks off,

wheels and pulleys slow up their turning,

stopping and lurching forward,

with hiss or burn or screech ~

and could stop turning at all.

There is security in steady forward motion, assuring of accomplishing many, many tasks.

Confidence that all will resume smoothly

comes when there is a short pause ~

long enough to call out for help.

Repairing a damaged machine

takes commitment and courage and spit ~

to get wheels to resume their turning

and forward motion to start up again ~

but momentum will build once more.

Computer programs are not really machines

Nor are the people who use them each day.

One tiny wee glitch in the either, unseen by anyone’s eye, 

caused today’s ‘machine’ to slow down.

I.T. folks did fix it promptly so forward movement picked up some speed.

“The design of each element should be thought out 

in order to be easy to make and easy to repair.”
~ Leo Fender

Cultural Dissonance

It’s been hot today, the heat not the heat of the prairies or deserts, but heat that Victoria is not used to this early in the year. I’ve walked in the park tonight and watched families with little children picnicing, playing in playgrounds and in general, having a lovely, peaceful evening.

Between coming from work and going for my walk, I listened to the radio. To hear what’s going on in the world. Outside of here, outside this city, outside of this country there is crime, murder, death and destruction. Sadly, I am aware that much of the same occurs within this city and country as well. The weather is painted as only one of the culprits. Most really are human against human, brutally, senselessly and far too often.

The rose garden in the park has protections against deer and other wildlife that would enjoy the lovely buffet planted for beauty and enjoyment - not the deer. The fence was well designed, the gates only open one way and are quite heavy. On the inside are roses in shades of reds, peach, pinks and yellow. On the outside are many other varieties of flowers. Yarrow is one - not a preferred snack for the deer - a colourful and cheerful barrier outside the decorative fencing. Farther away is the Garry oak meadow where grasses and wild flowers are left to grow  - tastier and safer for the deer.

Could we, as a population, design our protections, our securities with kindness and as much care as we do our flower and vegetable gardens? An interesting thought.

“The reason why the world lacks unity, and lies broken 

and in heaps, is, because man is disunited with himself.”

~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Food Security

Being resourceful and creative
Is it’s own security ~
Tasty and delicious!

“The art of being happy lies in the power of 

extracting happiness from common things.”

~ Henry Ward Beecher

Like the Turtle

Like the turtle
We carry our houses on our backs ~
houses of time and experience
shaped within our homes and hearts.

Like the turtle
We move slowly through this world,
stepping only one minute at a time ~
thinking we should move faster.

Like the turtle
We wish to be secure within ourselves,
knowing that to walk in the world should be safe ~
thinking that it is not.

Like the turtle
We can be secure within ourselves,
becoming aware of how to find our own security ~
knowing that safety can be found.

“Take a walk with a turtle. 

And behold the world in pause.”

~ Bruce Feller

Off the Beaten Path

Off the beaten path
  After walking on cement sidewalks
  Strolling on cedar mulch paths
  Crossing asphalt paved streets 
  Errands and missions done this summer day.

Off the beaten path
I wanted to walk through unmown grasses
  Under trees untrimmed or shaped
  Expectation only of stepping outside of the box
  Being part of the natural world

Off the beaten path
Books were the farthest thing from my mind
  Books of poetry and essay written from hearts that have seen too much
  Water wrinkled, dusty, alone deep in the Garry Oak meadow
  Painful pasts full of trauma and addiction transformed with words

Off the beaten path
In the tall golden grass of summer
A small book was abandoned, left behind and forgotten,
   waiting for someone to find it and value it’s deep meaning,
      give the moisture wrinkled book a home out of dust and weather.

“We write to taste life twice, in the moment and in retrospect.”

~ Anaï Nin

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Megaphone (Voices of the Street), published monthly, is a magazine sold on the streets of Vancouver and Victoria by homeless and low-income vendors. Megaphone is published monthly by the not-for-profit Street Corner Media Foundation in Victoria, B.C. 

Megaphone’s mission statement is:  “Megaphone’s goal is to provide a voice and an economic opportunity for homeless and low-income people while building grassroots support to end poverty.”