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Showing posts with label Compassion. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Compassion. Show all posts

Friday, March 21, 2025

Shadow Song

I have carried regrets ~ 

the maybe’s and what if’s ~ 

carried them carefully tucked

in my pocket or back pack, 

sheltering them 

as though they were sugar - 

if they got wet they would 

melt and dissolve away ~ 


What if they did?

What would be missing? 

Merely a shadow ~

only the weight of the past.


What wisdom will it impart ~

that shadow of past lives that 

deserve compassion, 

compassion for who I was then, 

even if it was only 

yesterday or 40 years ago. 


So I take the lint from my pockets, 

the crumpled tissues from my back pack 

where old regrets reside.

Setting them out in the sun 

I watch them thaw, dissolve and evaporate 

into the nothingness that they always were.


If I’m not careful, I may just catch a tiny 

piece of regret and just before it vanishes; 

hide it in the folds of my life. 


Yet when sunlight leans over my shoulder,

the shadow pen writes with me 

in a new harmony of words. 


“The shadow escapes from the body like an animal we had been sheltering.”

~ Gilles Deleuze, Francis Bacon: The Logic of Sensation

Monday, March 3, 2025

Finding a Right Way



Agreement comes 

not with 

loud, angry words 

at its close, 

but with 

compassion and humility 

for the other. 

There will be 

struggle and differences aired 

to find a right way 

but that is 

where agreement begins.



“Unless both sides win, no agreement can be permanent.”

~ Jimmy Carter, 39th U.S. President


 

Monday, August 19, 2024

A Silent Voice






 Standing still slowly,

believing that movement rises

from beneath the surface






“You have to believe. Otherwise, it will never happen.”

~ Neil Gaiman

Monday, June 6, 2022

Two Words

Eagerly moving ~

two words holding my heart

hostage.


Hurry up ~

two words urging my feet

to keep up to the wind.


Slow down ~

two words giving me time

to breathe.


Make sense ~

two words holding my heart

with compassion.


“What a curious power words have.”

~ Tadeusz Borowski, This Way for the Gas, Ladies and Gentlemen


 

Sunday, May 8, 2022

A Mother’s Day Muse - A Worthy Goal

Mother’s Day. There are many ideas about the origins of this special day, as far back as Greek mythology. However, each year the moms celebrated are all around us; many only one or maybe two generations past. And yes, we do honour and celebrate each of the aunts, uncles, neighbours, and friends that have mothered us. 


It can be a frustrating struggle to honour a mom who, because of thorny life experiences unknown to us, has not fit into the ‘good mom’ picture. Maybe that is where we need to go. Into the unknowing, the compassion for the young child, young girl, young adult that tripped into and over life. Am I sounding too sunshine-y? I hope it is not seen that way. 


I am well into my seventh decade. When I review all the mistakes and missteps I have made as a mom, I have gained some of that compassion for those youngsters that became moms too soon, or too late, or who were not mothered themselves. Choosing to live a different, and possibly healthier, path to honour those moms seems a very worthy goal.


“Compassion is not a virtue - - it is a commitment. 

It’s not something we have or don’t have - - 

it’s something we choose to practice.”

~ Brené Brown

Wednesday, June 23, 2021

Chapter Two, Episode Thirty-Nine - Not for Ourselves - Situationally Theirs

Not for Ourselves


He wasn’t really a young man in 2008. But he had taken a trip to the mainland anyway. Samuel Forrester wasn’t prone to leave his garden and yard for more than a couple days. Especially at planting time, or when the new plants were getting started, or when the tomatoes needed staking. Come to think of it there wasn’t anytime for trips even up Island. He also wasn’t one to just drop everything, but his cousin asked for his help. He didn’t hesitate. Fred, his cousin, had a small fruit farm somewhere between Penticton and Kelowna in the Okanagan. Samuel had only been there once before. The young couple that helped Fred at the Farmer’s Market every fall had been in a serious car accident. They were recovering but still in hospital. Unable to get any immediate replacements, in desperation he called Samuel. “I’ll stay as long as you need me. Be there by Friday, Fred.”  He had let James know he was going, found a young man to come out a couple of times a week to pick any tomatoes still to ripen and hoped there wouldn’t be a bad turn in the weather. He had only needed to be away for a few weeks, but he loved every minute of it. Had to call James every other day to check up on things. “Everything is fine, Samuel. The weather’s been good, Elizabeth’s had more tomatoes and apples than she can keep up with. Just stay where you are and enjoy your time with your cousin.”


~~~~~


“Samuel. Samuel? Did you hear me calling?” Dez had come out to the orchard and always stopped to talk with him before getting on with her own work. “Miss Dez. I sure didn’t. You caught me daydreaming. Did I ever tell you about the trip I took to the Okanagan?” Dez could hear a story coming, but she needed to speak first. “No, Samuel but I have a question for you.” Samuel pulled up the old chairs by the shed, took his pipe out and sat down. Miss Dez looked pretty serious. “All right, Miss Dez, ask away.” 


Dez hesitated. “I don’t know why you would know anything about my sister, but I trust you. You’re the only one that is kind of like me. Well, different but more outside of things. My sister stays with me while her husband is working, but we hardly talk anymore. If we talk about anything, it’s just nothing. ‘How’s the coffee? What’s the weather?’ And she…….” Samuel held up his hand. “Did you ask why she’s gone quiet on you?” Dez sighed heavily. “Of course I did. There was one day that she almost started to ask me to help with some staff issues here, but then just changed the subject and hasn’t mentioned anything again. I’ll help her with anything.” Samuel knocked the cold tobacco from his pipe and stood. “I ‘fraid I’m not much help. I just see her and Dr. Jeremy once in a while out walking. Usually having a pretty good time. Nothing unusual except that one day.” Dez looked up at him. “What was unusual, Samuel?” He adjusted his battered old hat. “Oh, probably nothing. I can’t really see what’s goin' on. Too far. Drove up, sat in the car a long time before she got out. That was it. She’s usually out and in the big house real quick.”


“You’re right, Samuel. I need to talk to her again. It’s probably nothing. Now, do you have work to do or do you have time to tell me about your trip?” He pushed the hat back on his head, pulled out his pipe and fresh tobacco. “It was September, 2008. My cousin Fred called me, asked me to come help out. He still runs that same orchard. We took loads of apples, pears, peaches - even grapes - to the Market, set up tents and ……..” Two hours later, Dez looked at her watch. “I’m getting pretty hungry. Let’s go to the kitchen for some lunch Samuel.”


“Not for ourselves alone are we born.”

~ Marcus Tulles Cicero

Thursday, December 3, 2020

The 'Others'

The 'Others'

“Awareness of others? You’ve got to be kidding. I am barely aware of myself let alone others. Besides that, this social distancing thing and wearing masks sends the wrong message as far as I’m concerned. When I walk past one of those ‘others’ you talk about, I almost feel like turning and running the other way. Some people look positively scared. And it’s hard to get a smile out of anyone and if someone does smile at me, I can’t tell unless their smile goes all the way up to their eyes.”


“So you are aware of others then.”


“What do you mean?


“You feel separate and almost antagonized by them. Do you ever wonder why people seem so scared?”


~~~~~


A Rant:


This is a conversation I imagined this morning. On the way to a drugstore this afternoon, I passed a few people, most not wearing masks, and a few that were. I had not had a mask on while I was walking on my own and no distancing was required, but when foot traffic increased, I stopped, put my mask on, and left it on until I did my shopping and was once more outside walking only own. I knew, at least I believed I knew and believe I know, that I am not even a carrier of the Covid 19 virus. And yet, I wear a mask. Partly because it is recommended, but partly because I don’t know who is a carrier of this invisible virus - where a viral threat may be hidden.


As I watched the news tonight the refrain was repeated again about the economy and the rights of others. A retired nurse, I thought of the rights of the nurses and all other health care workers that are being trampled on by those that disagree with the health recommendations.  As the mother of a small businessman I thought of his rights and how they have been pushed and shoved around by the presence of this virus. The rights of those that do get sick, the rights of families of those that have lost a loved one, and the rights of so many with other medical problems, seem absolutely ignored. Their grief, their dedication and hard work expected! No matter that they are all more than exhausted mentally, physically and emotionally. Is it because we can’t see them unless we do watch the news or know someone affected by this virus? Being aware of all the others is just logical and polite.


“What is hard work? It takes strength, energy, and stress to truly care about others enough to place oneself last, but it is easy to wrap oneself up and selfishly scramble on the head of others.”

~ Criss Jami, Killosophy

Thursday, April 16, 2020

Chapter One, Episode 23 - Stock Taking - Situationally Theirs


May 29, 2020
Review, Edit and Update
Most of us, in this Covid19 situation, have had our lives stripped bare. This is especially true for single people - women and men. Episode 23, Stock Taking, asks Emelina Beaufort to examine her own life in the midst of pandemic restrictions. 

Improved sentence structure was the biggest repair job to be done. Detail was added or expanded. Some punctuation, and at least one typo was fixed.

Stock Taking 

When Dez sat down on the sun dried wooden bench, she leaned against the wrought iron arm rest. Her only plan for the day was to drink her coffee, apply for employment insurance, contact her previous boss and go home. For now, she would sit in the cool air and warm sun. Her short list gave her the luxury of enjoying the birds, soaking in the rays and listening to the trickling of the stream. Staying inside was a big part of the precautions, but fresh air, sunshine and the world outside of walls were a big part of sanity maintenance when her apartment seemed to have shrunk to the size of a postage stamp. Dez almost felt guilty when she thought of Emmie’s place. Sure it was beautiful, in a glossy magazine manicured sort of way. Too tidy! Even though over the weeks of no gardener, grass looking a little ragged and weeds popping up in the usually pristine flower beds, it still looked manicured. Just in need of a manicure to polish things up. Draining the last of her coffee, Dez was about to get up and get going on her day when her phone rang.  Dez had not chosen a typical ring for her phone. In fact it wasn’t a ring at all…… ‘Don’t stop believin’ ’…..her favourite song. Always got her humming and wanting to dance. Emmie's name popped up. She hadn’t heard from her big sister in a couple of days. Emmie had returned to The Mansion. Dez was only mildly sarcastic when she said The Mansion like that. In fact she was more than mildly jealous, but knew that their different life paths, had brought different things into their lives. Dez was still single, but had not been in short supply of male company. Emmie married into wealth. Exactly what she had always expected for herself. When they last talked, she seemed quite unsure whether she still wanted all the trappings of that childhood dream. 

Dez checked the time. It was almost 9am when the EI office would open. Pretty early for Emmie to be making phone calls. After that silly bank fiasco thing and the jail time, they had been self isolated together in Emmie's kitchen. She often didn’t get up until noon. Her sister definitely was not a morning person. 

“Emmie? Is everything ok? You’re up early!’

“Ok? Oh, yes. Everything is just fine. I’m coming into town this afternoon. Are you going to be home?“

“Sure. I’ve got a couple of errands this morning and then I’ll be home. You know the saying: Stay Home and Stay Safe! I'm using lots of hand sanitizer while I deal with this important stuff like my car and EI. Washing my hands as often as I can. Yes,I’ll be following orders. Emmie, you sound pretty serious. Are you sure you’re ok?”

“Yes, Dez. Everything really is just fine. I just have a lot on my mind and I need to talk with you about it. It’s about the house and what I want to do with …..what I might do with it.”

“Me? I don’t know anything about real estate except that I can’t afford to buy anything. I can barely afford rent.”

“Well, that’s part of what my plans are.”

“Don’t keep me in suspense. What are your plans?

“I’m not going to give you anymore details right now. Just be home this afternoon, I should be at your place around 2:30. Apply for your EI, but I hope you’re not making any other big plans.”

“I’m just going to track down my old boss to see if I still have a job, but I have no other plans in the works. Doesn’t seem much point in setting too much up right now anyway. I’ll be here when you get here. I hope you’re telling me the truth about everything being just fine.”

~~~~~

Dez did get her application in and she did track down her boss. He was actually quite glad to see her.  An older man, Mr. Jorgenssen had run this business for almost twenty five years. But his small business was now jeopardized. He could keep it open for a limited amount of customers and his hours of operation also had to be curtailed. Mr. Jorgenssen and one employee would be doing a very thorough inventory, finding stocks of supplies that he would carefully ration. He was closing the Dry Cleaning and Laundry for a day so that he and one employee would do a deep clean of his establishment. Although, he could only pay very slim part-time wages, he was keeping two of his best employees on. Dez was disappointed in the pay, but glad that her job was still hers. The EI or the other relief money from the government would keep her afloat while this old world was in such a mess.

Emmie was waiting for her when Dez got home. “Come on, up Emmie. I’ve got tea, water and wine. Which one do you want? The wine isn’t fancy and it’s red. I don’t have any white wine.”

“I’d like some wine, but only a half glass. I will have to drive home tonight and I don’t need to be pulled over for drunk driving.”

Emmie seemed more relaxed since the morning’s phone conversation when she seemed tense and nervous. She had said everything was fine but Dez didn’t really believe her.  

“So what is this plan that you may or may not have? Is it anything I’d be interested in?”

“I hope you’ll be interested in it. I still have to talk to Digby, Martha and Cook about it. Giles will probably have a place in it too. While I was home, I went through the entire house to see what was there, rather like an inventory. Not that I didn’t know what I owned, but I needed to see it again. Really see it. What I saw was a big empty house. Yes it’s nice, nice furnishings and decor, but no people. The only place I felt the warmth of people’s lives was in the Downstairs. You and I must have left our mark, but Cook, Martha, Digby…all of my employees… were imprinted in so many little touches. The way Cook owns the kitchen and not just with food preparation. She requests, very assertively specific types of pots and pans, whisks, ladles and carving knives. I own the walls, but Cook owns the kitchen. And then there’s Martha. Cook won’t let her put her grandchildren’s pictures on the refrigerator, so Martha has a frame on her door ~ you’ve seen it ~ for all their pictures and poems and cards. Digby, for as quiet as he is, has a presence felt in the way he hangs up his coat, the way he places his shoes just so when he has finished for the day, the books that he reads. I suppose because I stayed in his room for the couple of weeks you and I were in our ‘kitchen house’, I felt his presence just a little bit more. But Upstairs……empty. My bedroom had some hint of my personality, but otherwise it was empty. Has been since Mike died.”

“That’s quite a speech, Emmie! So what have you got in your head to put life back into the Upstairs? Did you seriously think of a Bed and Breakfast?  No. There’s nobody traveling these days, anyway.”

“Well, you are sort of right, Dez. What I have in mind would operate more like a boarding house, but it wouldn’t really be a boarding house. And you’re right, no one is traveling these days. That’s where Digby, Martha and Cook come in. I  - I mean we - if you want to do this - will need to talk with them first. For another reason, I talked with my fellow board members. Our conversations gave me an idea. The community needs more beds or places for people to quarantine, or have a place away from their families while they have to work. What do you think?”

Dez was quiet when Emmie finished. “I don’t know what to think Emmie? Except maybe you’ve finally really lost it? It might be a good idea? Or a real dangerous one. There’ll be a lot to do to get the Upstairs ready.” Dez wasn’t going to admit it, but she was more excited about this than anything else in the last many years. 

“Constantly take inventory of what’s important to you.”
~ Dave Chappell

Friday, April 3, 2020

Chapter One, Episode Ten - Comes the Dawn - Situationally Theirs







May 15, 2020
Review, edit and update:
Focused on Emelina, this piece was, in general, an improved bit of writing. I shortened a couple of sentences and fixed one or two typos. 



Comes the Dawn

Emelina really was a bit concerned about her sister, listening to her cry herself to sleep each night, something she had done as a child, tears never seen in the light of day. She had teased her sister unmercifully when they were growing up about being ‘a big baby’. Dez would inevitably get mad, throw something and run out of whatever room they were in. Their mom would call from whatever room she was in “You girls stop that fighting!” So they would ~ for a little while. 

Emelina had been sitting in Digby’s wingback chair in his room, reading. The book she had chosen, Pandemic Policies for Charities, was interesting but incredibly dry. While she was active in the whirlwind of functions and dinners for fund raising, she could read these sorts of books in no time. Dry or not. But since getting over the shock of no servants, getting a middle of the night call from a police officer and, in truth, getting confined to ‘her room’, she felt a change come over her. She was sleeping better at night. During the day, she felt calm, despite the pandemic fear that hovered. She and Dez were enjoying each other’s company. The last day ~ or was it two days ~ time was all muddled up ~ Emmie felt an emptiness in their kitchen home. And with that emptiness, tension had built up between Emmie and Dez. Emmie would retreat to her room, nap or read. She felt rootless and lost again. She had heard Dez go out. The light patter of rain against glass drew her attention to the bay window and the book shelf beneath it. Books on husbandry, Best Practices for Butlers, Managing Your Employer and Their Family, historical novels……..Some book titles that Emelina recognized and had read were mostly the novels. Rain and books comforted Emelina. She leaned her head into the chair and fell asleep, only waking when she heard Dez come in the house. The slamming of the back door woke her up. After disentangling herself from the throw wrapping itself around her numb feet, she had called out to her. She was certain that it could only be Dez, but a tiny part of her wished it were her staff and Digby. 

Digby, this kind man who had already been in her late husbands employment when they married. Who was he really? How was Martha? The rest of the staff ~ Cook, and Giles and….she couldn’t remember the names of all the others. Emelina was so busy with charity and community work that she paid little attention to all these people that took care of her every need. There would have been a day when she haughtily said “I pay them well, with good health benefits. They’ll be all right.” Today, she was feeling quite differently. For the first time she was truly concerned about their welfare.

 Emmie walked out to the kitchen, her tea had grown cold while she slept. “Dez. Now that you’ve told me your jailbird story, I have a sort of story of my own. I’ll need your help to really sort it all out. You’ve often wondered who Digby is, you sleep in Martha’s room and we’ve been enjoying Cook’s wonderful meals. I would like you to meet them. The board meetings I attend are often run on something called a Zoom program, I can text on my phone and Martha talks about ‘skypeing’ with her family in England. I think one of those could be used to contact my staff and find out how they are, but my computer skills are limited to texting, email and making phone calls with some research for the boards I’m on. Emelina actually was more computer literate than she knew.

The next short while was spent finding the email addresses of Emelina’s staff, accessing the best program. They decided to use Skype for Martha and Zoom for Digby. After they had spoken with both of them, Dez and Emmie decided which one was easier. Dez had been dying to find out about Digby, so jumped on Emmie’s requests almost before she finished talking, but Emmie had more to say.

 “Dez, I want to find out if they need anything and if I can do anything for them. They’re probably wondering if they will continue to be paid! And they’d never ask. I’ll check my bank to see what my own funds are…..oh, heavens, I hadn’t even thought of that.”

Emelina depended on Dez now, more than she had ever thought possible. Digby had always managed her house account. But her personal accounts? She knew how to access her own accounts but hadn’t for days. The money her husband had left to her had always been more than enough to retain all of the staff. Emelina sat down with the sudden realization of the responsibilities she had been neglecting and really not even realizing. Dez saw her sister was shaken, her face pale. She looked ready to cry. 

“Hey, sis. Slow down. We can get this all organized. It’s ok. We’ll talk to Digby and to Martha and see what they would ordinarily do. That will give us a good start.”  Dez stood up and stretched. Sitting at the table, on either side of the green tape but far enough apart, they had been working on the computer they had stationed on the counter. Emmie had the keyboard and mouse while Dez told her what to click on. It was a pretty arduous task. “ But right now, it’s getting kind of late. Between this screen scrounge and that walk I took earlier, I’m hungry. I’ll cook up a mushroom and egg scramble. We’ll have grilled cheese and ham sandwiches for supper. Ice cream with peaches for dessert? We’ll do more work once we’ve had good meal. ”

“You didn’t realize what was passing you by until 
you slowed down a little bit to get a better look.”
~ Karin Slaughter, Undone