Clouds and Wind

My cell phone's digital images seldom report the images that my eyes see ~ the elegant grandeur of clouds that fling their grey capes over the city; collaring the blue sky to 

choke off the sunlight. But they don’t have a mirror in the water today because their windy cousin has stirred the lake so images are choppy with a few white fringes. 

Neither one listening to the other in this 

tug of war between the two giants of the 

world, no one winning today's contest. 

The clouds will just keep moving on and 

the wind will either keep blowing its own

horn or fade away in the night.

“The seasons do not push one another; neither do clouds race 

the wind across the sky, All things happen in their own good time.”

~ Dan Millman, author

Letting Go

 

Rising on the smoke of sage

  belief wafts skyward

letting go of earthly control.

“Nothing belongs to you of what there is, 

of what you take, you must share.”

~ Chief Dan George

Movie Review: THE GOOD HOUSE directed by Maya Forbes & Wallace Wolodarsky

Taken at Southland Cineplex

Hildy Good, a successful New England Realestate agent, has control over her life. Or at least she believes she does. In the small seaside community of Wendover, Massachusetts, Hildy Good, played by Sigourney Weaver, has been the sole agent until an employee steals her client list and becomes her competition. She is funny, charming and honest. Unfortunately, Hildy’s alcohol use creates problems in her family as well as her business. After an intervention by her family (Emily and Tess) and ex-husband (Scott Good), she had gone to Rehab. However, she only tempered her alcohol use. Frank Getchell (Kevin Kline) is an old crush. Their relationship, reestablished, is mature and tender. Then, Hildy’s business is in jeopardy. Unpleasant family memories begin to surface. Life for Hilary Good is not in control after all. 

As I write this, I’ll admit I am concerned that many will see this as just another story of what alcohol does to a family and community. But Sigourney Weaver and all her supporting cast, show a community with all its foibles ~ not all of them alcohol affected. I found it a very engaging and enjoyable story. A movie I would see again.

“The simple truth is this: Most humans are very much alike. 

The simple and obvious truth is that there are very few variables

 to what a person might do, think, fear or desire in any given situation.”

~ Ann Leary, The Good House (Hilary Good)

Directed by: Maya Forbes, Wallace Wolodarsky

Writing Credits: 

Thomas Bezucha - Screenplay

Maya Forbes - Screenplay

Wallace Wolodarsky - Screenplay

Ann Leary - Novel

Cast:

Sigourney Weaver: Hildy Good

Kevin Kline: Frank Getchell

Morena Baccarin: Rebecca MeAllister

Rob Delaney: Peter Newbold

Molly Brown: Emily Good

David Rasche: Scott Good

Rebecca Henderson: Tess Good

Kathryn Erbe: Wendy Heatherton

Kelly AuCoin: Brian McAllister

Georgia Lyman: Cassie Dwight

Old Echoes

I’ve always been hesitant 

about taking control 

when wrested from me by 

voices from the past

backed into the spinning corners of time 

~ time to complete something, 

~ time to turn the lights out, 

~ time to go to school, homework not done, 

~ time to stop colouring and set the table. 

Taking control of old echoes 

calms me. 

~~~~~

The Serenity Prayer says: ‘change the things you can’ 

~ doesn’t work for an ego maniac or 

someone just terrified that the results will be bad.

‘accept the things I cannot change’ 

needs a good deal of soul searching

with a liberal dose of humility - 

or should it read a soupçon of humility 

or a dusting of humility? 

then there is 

‘the wisdom to know the difference’ 

I am not one of the old souls 

with the wisdom of a thousand years, 

only the ability to acquire, to learn. 

deep breath ~ take control ~ 

hands on the wheel before the car 

~ that would be me ~

veers off the road. 

“My life didn’t please me, so I created my life.”

~ Coco Chanel

Even a Glance

 

Even a Glance

Nerves of steel that vibrate like the tension on his guitar strings when he tuned them too tightly, became scary. But Josh would not let them snap. What did his martial arts dojo tell him? “Breathe, Joshua. Breathe gentle control into your muscles. Push away the desire to destroy your opponent. Stand in your truth.” 

Standing in front of a full length mirror in his bedroom, suited up for his upcoming competition, he was his opponent. If he allowed even a glance past his image into the depths of his mirror, he lost focus. The computer screen beckoned him. His desk - strewn with a jumble of pens, pencils, notebooks, the model race car he was building and old food that had a brush of grey green; dry crusts of old pizza, made him want to snap. Let himself sweep it all away in one grand swoop. Not one that just put all on the floor, but had the power of magic behind it. Every bit of clutter would crumble and sparkle into dust. He wanted the same cleanliness around him that he felt in his practiced control. His grandfather, would tell him “Slow up, son. Just start in one corner. But make sure that corner is within your reach.” That pulled Josh back right away. He looked past himself into the depths of the mirror again. He knew even if he turned around, he would still have to walk across the room to get to the jumble on his desk. He’d have to pass his unmade bed, trip over his jeans that he’s left lying where he stepped out out them last night. He heard his grandfather’s voice again - or was it his dojo. “Feel your feet on the ground, son.That is where you start.”

“One can be the master of what one does, but never of what one feels.”

~ Gustave Flaubert

Chapter One, Episode 84 - Almost Too Late - Situationally Theirs

Review, Revision, Edit and Update:
Starting this rather late today, I have finally completed my Review. There has been little difference from other reviews: one or two typos repaired and context added to various pieces of dialogue.

I am so grateful to those of you who read my little episodes despite the confusing writing. My reviews have pointed to the many gaps - so I thank you all.

Almost Too Late

It was getting late in the afternoon when Giles went into the house. James was changing from his house sweater to his light jacket. Cook was just finishing up. Not wanting Elizabeth to know their mission, James shook his head almost imperceptibly when he saw Giles. Nodding that he understood, Giles said “James, you ready to go?” 

Cook was too preoccupied with the week's menu to notice the tiny exchange between the two. “Two boys off to get in trouble, are you? Look in the refrigerator for a brown paper bag. There's sandwiches in the bag for you both. You can sit under the apple trees for an early supper.” She went back to her work.

“Thanks Cook. Can we take a couple of apples too?” Giles already had them in his hands. Have we got something to drink, James?”

Elizabeth looked up “Don’t bother James with that. There’s a thermos of cold sweet tea and two glasses in the paper bag with the sandwiches.

~~~~~

“That was a delicious lunch. The setting has been perfect and the company admirable.” James, relaxed and relieved after the afternoon's chat with Giles, was glad that he had called for help.

Earlier, James and Giles had walked in the direction of the apple orchard but once past the tool shed, continued walking over to the cottage. James didn't have a key yet, so they sat on the back steps with the early supper complements of Cook. “What is it, James? You didn’t give me any hints on the phone earlier.”

“I hadn’t even spoken my concerns aloud to myself, Giles. They do seem rather silly now but I still think I need to talk about them. I asked myself three questions to which I had no answers, merely a knot in my stomach.”

“And they would be?” Giles was curious. He knew that James did worry about everything, always trying to clear up every detail. He came to Giles when emotional details were the loose ends he couldn't tie up.

James ticked them off one at a time on his fingers. “Am I being controlling by buying this cottage for Martha? Am I acting as I would setting up a dinner party? Should I confess to Martha that I had not openly consulted her?”

Giles listened closely and then leaned forward “Wow! Coming from you, those are big questions, James. I’ll tell you what my dad would tell me: ‘what do you think, son? If you have such questions, then you may already know the answers.’ ” Giles was actually a bit stymied and had always appreciated that old ‘dad advice’. He hoped it would mean the same to James.

James was surprised at the suggestion that he may have his own answers. “In that case, I think I'd like a bit more of that tea.” James and Giles, in the back yard of the cottage, away from anyone that may be in earshot had much to discuss. 

Giles decided to jump on James' first question. “What gave you the idea to buy the cottage for Martha? That’s a lot of money to spend for a wedding present. You told me yesterday 'we would have five years of mortgage payments' and now you tell me that Martha has never been consulted. Don't you think that could be a problem after a while? I’m assuming that you had decided to pay them on your own and that saying 'we' was just a slip of the tongue.”

“Martha has worked so very hard for as long as I’ve known her. Over the years, this cottage has occasionally come up for sale.” James stepped down in the yard. He regarded the cottage very fondly as he thought of Martha and how much she dreamed about owning it. “She and Elizabeth would talk about what they would do if one of them owned it. When it came on the market recently, purchasing it for her seemed the right thing to do……until now.”

Giles had been listening and watching his friend. He saw the play of emotion on his face, from fondness to worry to sadness and back to fondness again. He could only offer what he knew. “James, Melanie and I have a great marriage, but we’ve still had one or two - maybe three -  rocky times. Actually more than that, but we’ve always gotten past them. Not by kissing and making up but by putting our cards on the table at the outset.” He looked away, thinking of the struggles and joys of their marriage.

“Giles, you’re telling me that I can’t make this a surprise for her?” James had stepped up to the veranda, pacing slowly and thoughtfully.

“No, I’m not telling you anything like that. You’ve known Martha for a lot longer than I’ve known either of you. Does Martha like surprises? You and she have made a lot of decisions together over the years? I don’t know, James.” Giles was frustrated. He wanted to just give his opinion and let that be the answer. He valued James' friendship more than that.

“Giles, you are a good friend.” James stood still and smiled at Giles. “A very good friend and a very annoying one. All you’ve given me is more questions and we’ve only just touched on the first one.” Both men laughed out loud, not something James was familiar with, but when he was with Giles he was able to relax and laugh. “I do believe that it's time I talked with Martha about this. I will 'put it on the table' as you suggested, but will continue with the purchase. Unless, of course, Martha is in complete disagreement. Ron, my financial advisor, did show me options that can be applied to the five years of mortgage payments. The surprise, on our wedding day, will be when I give her the contract with her name on it. I think I may have been acting too much the butler and the controller, but it’s always been Martha who has steadied my ship when I’m about to veer off course.”

“Remember that wherever your heart is, there you will find your treasure.”

~ Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

Chapter One, Episode 25 - From Here to There - Situationally Theirs

May 31, 2020

Review, Edit and Update

In From Here to There, Emmie's conversation with her sister Dez from the previous night has woken her early. Their discussion continues when Dez is awake and up; Emmie still becoming aware of what she does have in her life.

This Episode only required a bit of fixing:  a couple of typos and the addition of some detail. Otherwise, a pretty good read.

From Here to There

It was early morning. The sun slanted through the mudroom window, throwing a broad patch of brilliance through the kitchen door onto the well worn hardwood floor. Emmie came out of her room, pulling her blond hair back into a pony tail. Oddly, she wore an oversized grey t-shirt and loose fitting green plaid flannel pants, rather than her silk pyjamas. She had kept some of Mike’s things to wear when she was missing his love and belief in her. Emmie was in deep thought. Mechanically, she put water in the coffee machine, counted out scoops of coffee, put the pot under the spout and turned it on.  Resting her hands on the cupboard she hung her head, then straightened her shoulders and looked around. Bread for toast. I’ll have some toast. I need to get Cook back here to make more bread. I think this is the last loaf. Her forehead wrinkled. She wiped her hand across trying to smooth the worry down. She muttered something to herself, whispering so she wouldn't wake Dez. While she waited for the coffee to finish burping and dribbling she put the bread in the toaster. Without looking, she opened the blue cupboard door. A plate. I need a plate for my toast. This one will do. White with tiny blue flowers circling the rim, it was usually reserved for a serving plate. The butter and a knife are right here. Did I get those out? But there’s no jam. Emmie opened another cupboard door and reached for a mug. Before closing the cupboard door, she hesitated and stared into the cupboard as though looking for something. She closed the door gently. The coffee ready, she filled her mug with the steaming aromatic liquid. With her coffee in one hand, she picked up her plate of toast and set it down at the long kitchen table. Sitting down, she smoothed imaginary wrinkles on the table top, looked up and down its length as though she was trying see everyone. All those people she had employed that had shared a meal or just a cup of tea or coffee. Laughing and talking. 

“Emmie? What are you doing up so early? It’s just after seven." Dez yawned and stretched.

“oh, hi, Dez. I just couldn’t sleep so I thought a cup of coffee would be nice. When I saw Cook’s bread, I thought I’d have some toast. Did I wake you?”

Dez smiled as she combed her fingers through her long brown curls. She leaned back against the door jamb, knocking the frame of Martha’s precious pictures askew. She straightened it, then with a shiver she said “I’m cold. Let me grab my hoodie. Did you make enough coffee for both of us? That’s actually what woke me up ~ that and the toast. Put a couple of slices in for me, would you?” Dez leaned into Martha’s room, grabbed her deep purple hoodie pulling it over her head. “That’s better. Thanks. That coffee smells so good. Now tell me what’s wrong and don’t tell me nothing’s wrong because I won’t believe you.’

“Where do we start, Dez? I couldn’t stop thinking about everything you said last night. That I hadn’t taken everyone or everything into consideration when I wanted set up something for a couple of health care workers. So they could come here and not have to take the possibility of infection home to their families. How could I ask the rest of you to expose yourselves to satisfy my whim? I still want to do something. I can’t just sit out here and do nothing while you have to work and I’ve got so much.”

“That’s where we start then, Emmie.”

Emmie looked at Dez blankly. “What do you mean?”

“Come on, Emmie, you can’t be serious. What I mean is look at what you have, and I don’t just mean the money Mike left you.” Dez was, in fact, irritated that Emmie only thought about dollars and that seemed to be all she knew. Dez struggled to make ends meet. Had to be real creative many times about what she could do with what little she had. Here was her sister, feeling sorry for herself and not knowing what to do next. But, she would be patient. Her big sister was wrestling with not knowing. Not being in control. 

“Really, Dez, I am serious. I don’t know what you mean. I’ve been given or bought everything all my life. Even when we were kids, I got most of what I wanted.” Emmie grinned. “I did have to do a lot of talking sometime.”

“I know. I watched you twist Dad around your little finger. You were pretty good at that. But seriously. Grab your coffee and come with me.” Dez headed up the oak stairs to the second floor. 

“Where are we going? Why are we going upstairs? I went through everything up there yesterday.”

“Stop asking questions and follow me. It has nothing to do with the upstairs. Here. Stand in front of this window.” Dez had set her coffee down on the dining room table and opened the curtains that faced west. The sun was sending tentative fingers around the house beginning to light up the scene before them. “Look.”

“Look at what? What am I supposed be seeing?”

Dez had to take a deep breath ~ in fact she had had to take a lot of deep breaths around Emmie this last while. “You’re supposed to be seeing what I’m seeing. The huge garden you have and the land around it.” 

“What good is all of that? .,,,,,,,,Oh……I think I get it?” The light was dawning slowly in Emmie’s eyes. “But I haven’t had the gardener and yard man here for ages. I don’t even know if anything got planted. There probably isn’t anything much in the ground yet because it’s only April. I’m not a farmer or a gardener but I think it’s still too early. But I have another question, Dez. What if this Covid thing is over before we’re ready be of any help?” 

Another deep breath. This is my older sister, right? Right. And I’m supposed to be the wise one in all of this? “Let’s go back down to the kitchen where it’s warmer. I don’t think you have to worry about this ‘Covid thing’ being over any time soon according to the experts, but if it is there will still be a lot of people needing someone to help them out. What’s important is that you have what so many don’t have, and I’m not talking about the dollars. I’m talking about the land. You have a garden that is only taking up a small part of your 30 acres. If you made a bigger garden….but I’m getting ahead of myself. I just wanted you to see what is right around you.”

“My original idea was to provide at least two beds for healthcare workers to use so they won’t have to go home. You showed me that I hadn’t really thought about it all. And now you start talking about the land? You’ve just made this bigger than even I thought about. Now I really don’t know where to start.” Emmie poured another cup of coffee. “Where I’ll start is where we left off yesterday. I need to talk to Digby, Martha and Cook and see what they think of my idea, and whether we can make it work. Digby will know how to contact the gardener/yardman to see what work he will be starting. I hope and want them all to be well. I’ll see if there is a website, maybe you can help me with that, for volunteers for providing extra beds and what rules need to be followed.” Emmie’s coffee growing cold, she had her notebook and was busily writing all of this down as she talked. Dez just sipped on her second cup of coffee, watching her big sister take control.

“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. 

You can steer yourself, any direction you choose.”

Dr. Seuss,  Oh, the Places You’ll Go

Out on a Limb

Bringing back a schedule seems

rather like a step backwards

unless it is setting it by myself.

Squares on a charming wall

calendar set up chosen activities

with flexible variations depending

on the next right thing

to be done even it is laundry

or paying bills - life’s necessities.

Bringing back a scheduled life

in this seasonal change of retirement 

grants me some control in each day.

“Hard is trying to rebuild yourself, piece by piece, with no instruction book, 

and no clues to where all the important bits are supposed to go.”

~ Nick Hornby, A Long Way Down

Construction Controllers

Directing the flow of traffic

often controlled by 

blinking green, yellow and red lights or the orange hand is taken up by women or men in day-glo yellow vests criss-crossed with orange ~ guiding feet and tires through alternate routes around cranes, flat beds, cement mixers and constructioneers.

A crew deserving much gratitude for their clear and often smiling directions.

“You just have to have the guidance to lead you 

in the direction until you can do it yourself.”

~ Tina Yothers