Invisible Reason

 

Invisible responses are my own 

when no one is around to see 

the sudden jerk of my arm, 

the blink on and off of consciousness 

the drift in a cotton space 

that weighs me down 

for an hour or a day 

with no reason that is visible.

The reason is epilepsy ~

 ~ tucked neatly inside my brain.

“One bears things because there is no alternative.”

~ C.J.Sansom, Sovereign

Only Ours

Mending with silken threads

that slip and slide 

through fabric woven of 

many strong lives; 

Mending when no outsider

has been invited in to 

fill the invisible tears and 

‘fix’ what is only ours to fix.

Mending with our own 

strong voices and firm resolve

is to stand together 

against any intrusive outsider.

“There are plenty of other ways to mend a broken heart 

and doing some list full of stuff that you don’t 

want to do doesn’t have to be one of them.”

~ Anna Bell, The Bucket List to Mend a Broken Heart

On an Afternoon Walk - Back Alley Art Gallery

my eyes spied 

brilliant and beautiful hollyhocks, busy with bees and wild-ing on brick backed buildings among wandering weeds, fronting graffitied brick

Artwork from amateur to amazing ~ flashing bright, weirdly whimsical and one a bit scary!

At night, while the city sleeps

alleys are busy with phantom artists 

decorating straight and stolid buildings, 

hidden away in these dumpster galleries; 

brilliance and beauty ignored, 

neglected and invisible except when trash is taken out.

“Art should comfort the disturbed and disturb the comfortable.”

~ Banksy

Book Review: The Vanishing Half by Brit Bennett Review

Turning dreams into reality was not as easy as either of the twins thought it would be. It had been easy and exciting in the beginning. It became a story about family secrets and how life is stifled because of them. It is about the courage that it takes to make necessary, and sometimes unwelcome changes. Desiree and Stella, from the fictional southern community of Mallard, disappeared one night after a town event.They just ran away to New Orleans. Desiree convinced Stella to run, but it was Stella who never returned to stay. Cramped in a tiny basement apartment, not knowing anyone, they struggled to find jobs, their lives revolving in ways they never dreamed.

The Vanishing Half is about more than two teenagers running away from a community where they felt cramped and stifled. Brit Bennett has beautifully written a story about one of the complexities of being Negro. A sort of internal class system based on skin colour. * “In Mallard, nobody married dark.” Desiree did ‘marry dark’. Her only child, Jude, had extremely dark skin ~ the Mallard community called her ‘blueblack’. When she and her mother returned to Mallard, Jude was not treated well by her school mates because of the colour of her skin. Stella slipped into being white which, over time, became a lie that consumed her life. In her life of privilege, she hid her secret beginnings from her husband, Blake and their daughter, Kennedy. One of the experiences for Stella and Desiree as children was seeing their father brutally killed by white men. They each responded to this experience in different ways. For Desiree, it was merely a past. For Stella, it was a trauma that underlined her desire to disappear into whiteness.

Jude, Desiree’s shy and black skinned daughter and Kennedy, Stella’s spoiled, arrogant ‘white’ daughter met by accident. Jude, searching for her mother Desiree’s sister, had almost given up on every finding her. When she did, convincing Kennedy that they were cousins was her challenge.

Almost as an afterthought, one other secret crept into Jude’s life. It showed another way that people are compelled to change their selves and their image. Her boyfriend hid his gender from her. They were deeply in love. His gender change was never openly discussed, as most family secrets are never discussed. Jude and Reese loved each other without reservation regardless of society’s norm. Was this really an afterthought?    

Another interesting character, Early Jones is a man who Desiree knew as a teen. Her mother did not like him because he was 'dark' and had a past. Drifting through his life, he was a man who could 'find' people for a price. He and Desiree met again when she returned to Mallard when Jude was a child. Their relationship was honest and real, but not conventional. Early supported Desiree from his various hotel rooms or the back seat of his car. When her mother, Adel Vignes, developed Azheimer's Disease, Early returned to live in Mallard to help with her care. Getting a steady job, he also chose to change his life.     

I was quite impressed with this well written story. It did stall later in the book, but the story kept me reading. Did I like all the characters? For the most part, I did. Some of their behaviours I did not, but given their back stories, I understood them. A book to keep and to re-read.

*“She hadn't realized how long it takes to become somebody else, or how lonely it can be living in a world not meant for you.”  

~ Brit Bennett, The Vanishing Half

*Chapter 1, Page 5

Title: The Vanishing Half

Author: Brit Bennett

Copyright: 2020

Publisher: Riverhead Books, an imprint of Penguin Random House LLC

Type: Novel

Format: Hard Cover

ISBN: 9780525536291

LLC: PS3602.E66444 (ebook)

ISBN: 9780593190197 (International edition)

Backbone

Creative choices….

Overcoming odds…

Mountains and molehills….

Magical thinking……

Invisible abilities…..

Tenacity clings to …….

Mercurial moods…..

Energy focused on……

Naive beliefs….

Theories abound………

“If you deny yourself commitment, what can you do with your life?”

~ Harvey Fierstein

Mileage

Coming home was easy ~ 

sort of.

Between and after airports full of travellers,

sleek full airplanes and bustling buses shuttled my suitcases and me 

all the way

from the prairies of 

my far away home in Regina, Sask.

over mountains to 

my today home in Victoria, B. C.

From there to here, here to there

I button my ethereal sweater

to keep my heart full ~

a challenge that I gladly choose to accept.

“Sometimes the heart sees what is invisible to the eye.”

~ H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Transformation ~ 4

Jewels dangle from slender stems 

Evergreen boughs a textured backdrop

softening mortared granite

Whimsical perspective 

transforms nature’s beauty

Nature is our world

More than a back drop ~

an integral part of the natural world

we send our energies into 

    the work we do

      the kindnesses we share

        the negativities we throw out like

so much invisible garbage

messes swirling around us, 

    within us

invisibility is a task of gargantuan proportions 

Jewels dangle from slender stems 

showing us how to just be.

Our lives the ever greening backdrop,

whimsy and a light touch transforms our own beauty.

“What’s life without whimsy?”

~ Dr. Sheldon Cooper, The Big Bang Theory

Author's note: Edited February 15, 2024

Falling through Space

We all talk

about the cracks

the cracks in the sidewalks

that people fall through

the spaces with no handholds

with images of

bodies falling helplessly

disappearing into the abyss

only to emerge on top

of the sidewalk and all its cracks.

We don’t always talk

about the invisible hands

beneath the cracks in the sidewalks

that reach out

to catch fallen ones

easing their fall

helping them stand firm

supporting life changes 

giving them other chances

to walk on sidewalks with fewer cracks

In the darkness, when you cannot see the ground under your feet 

and when your fingers touch nothing but night, you are not alone. 

I will stay with you as moonlight stays on water.”

~ Nadia Hashimi, When the Moon is Low

Author's note: Edited February 07, 2024

Life's Work

Like a fine string

threaded through beads 

many shapes, sizes and colours,

hope holds life together.

“Invisible threads are the strongest ties.”

~ Friedrich Nietzsche

Repost - Behaviour Shouts Too Loudly from Nov. 17, 2013

Addiction to alcohol or drugs is a funny thing
not haha funny
but very unpleasantly odd.
Behaviour under the influence is 
awful
maudlin
dramatic
maybe even criminal
(of course there’s the ‘happy’ drunk).
Whatever - it is unwelcome
communication difficult
memory totally unreliable.

Addiction, a chronic brain condition, is invisible. 
Behaviour is in your face, flagrant and irritating.
There are many more adjectives for the behaviour of active addiction.

Recovery from addiction
is not just sobering up
sleeping it off
cleaning up
in a day or two
or a couple of weeks.

Recovery from addiction always starts
with detox - whether at home or in a facility.
Now that’s unpleasant 
physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually
everything crushed and soiled.

Recovery from addiction
is mopping up wreckage from the past
rolling up sleeves and getting your hands dirty
while getting your life clean.

Recovery can be done alone - but not easily or comfortably.
(Often called ‘white knuckle sobriety’)
Honesty, kindness and respect, when life and loves have not always
been treated with honesty,kindness and respect, a necessary ingredient.
There are folks out there who provide this ingredient - 
some men and women of the communities we live in.....go out and find them..

“You were sick, but now you’re well again, and there’s work to do.” 

~ Kurt Vonnegut,  Timequake

Stepping Out ~ 1

For November of last year, my theme was Invisibility. I also tend to discuss little bits about aging from time to time. I’m edging into acquaintance with aging - just barely though and really don’t intend to give into the process!

Self doubt and invisibility seem to wander close to each other from time to time. Just a thought. As we leave the world of what we’ve often called ‘the daily grind', some also seem to leave their confidence behind, hanging it on the hook behind the staff room door on their way off and away. So far for me, retirement is still just a topic of discussion and very fortunately so.

For those of us with careers and friendships limited to colleagues and conferences, stepping out on the sidewalks and in the coffeeshops without the mantle of our careers can be awkward, if not a bit lonely. The danger is isolation within neighbourhoods, towns, or cities. It can be so very easy to begin to doubt ourselves in this new role of semi retired or retired, trying to find our place without guidance from policies or protocols.

But for those of us that have gathered a life around us with friends and activities that have little or nothing to do with the workaday world, the step into the outside world is not quite so awkward. Still there is a different cloak of confidence that must be tailored and worn for this new world. One that settles around our shoulders sheltering us from the self doubt of aging as we begin to mix with a wonderful variety with men and women while the clock still turns within each open day.

“Don’t simply retire from something; have something to retire to.” 

~ Harry Emerson Fosdick

Behind Closed Doors ~ 1

Behind Closed Doors

An ordinary looking brown box, forgotten in a dusty corner, had been found in a last sweep. The attic had been cleared of a lifetime of treasures. How could this box have been a treasure? The brother and sister looked at each other, sharing the same thought - ‘one more item for the trash’. When they brushed fine attic dust away, curiousity got the best of them. Doors. A tiny brass key hole. The doors opened more easily than expected.

A flood of forgotten stories from their grandfather’s knee poured from within. Sunday..November...30.  The day and date posted across the top, with hidden knobs that turned to the next day and date. The white slate on the inside of one door - “Grandfather wrote lists and notes on there!”  “And look! There’s a drawer at the bottom!” Crisscrossed ribbons inside the other door where a dried rosebud had been tucked. Their grandmother’s picture, a young bride, had been in the little frame above the rose bud. Brother and sister talked so fast their words tripped over each other. Soon they fell silent with their memories and the remembered feelings of waves as their grandfather rocked them in his old chair and spun yarns of his youth.

The siblings had been at loggerheads over the last many years. Coming together over this old seaman’s writing desk had crumbled the footings of their irritations and angers. The walls, while not tumbling down, were definitely unstable. Behind the closed doors of the old box, there had opened an invisible, shimmering picture of their childhood friendships. No key for the little wooden doors, lost in some crevice or crack years before, brother and sister each held a key to their own lives. Could they accept each other, live their own lives, and renew their friendship?

The old writing desk did not go to the trash. Each year, at Thanksgiving, brother and sister’s families met. The ordinary looking brown box was brought out. Stories and yarns spilled from the little desk drawer, the upright slots for letters, the doors, and, of course, every one wondered what happened on Sunday, November 30 long, long ago.

“All stories are true. But some of them never happened.”

~ James A. Owen, The Search for the Red Dragon

Etiquette: Nature and Nurture

“Pick up after yourself.”

“Hang up your coat.”

“Leave no trace.”

“Pack it in - Pack it out”

Disconnected phrases yet...

useful outside and in.

A parent’s invisible voice clings to a child’s invisible 'self-only' 

that leaves a trail of disarray.

Hiking in forest, hills, mountains or plains, 

adults teach children reason.

Teaching transferred into house and home

creating trails of neatness and prevents clutter ~ 

a lesson I’m still practicing!

“Etiquette is the science of living. It embraces 

everything. It is ethics. It is honour”

~ Emily Post