Soul Music

Photo taken April 22, 2019.
One of the many blossoming trees lining our streets.

Tiny steps into the daunting task of the surround of sparkles waiting to be discovered, waiting to be transformed or disposed of gently and with gratitude.

Tiny steps ~ like sweeping the patio of delicate pink ‘snow’ shaken by the wind from tree-blossoms faded and ready for flight, or the replanting of narcissus bulbs laid bare by a most mischievous squirrel.

Tiny steps - like changing

a lovely lamp’s light socket 

but struggling to put it back together ~

a discordant note in the music of piecing 

together beauty and light in my home.

“I long to accomplish a great and noble task; but it is my chief duty 

to accomplish small tasks as if they were great and noble.”

~ Helen Keller

Revisionary

Butterfly Haus, Texas April 2005

Reading through old journals slides past the tick-tick of clock hands as silently as flipping through old photo albums and random pictures. Much of it is as ordinary, and boring, as housework accomplished, how happy or worried I was, or just doodling and spinning a story or poem. (By the way, all this reading of journals and looking through photos really and truly are acts of decluttering the mounds of stuff facing me.)

Today, reading in Feb. 2007 I found a list. Not a grocery list, or list of chores but a fantasy list. “Let’s see. What are all the things I would like to do - fly a helicopter or a plane, in that order, cross country ski in a quiet plain, ride a bike down a country road, ride in a hot air balloon around the world ~ a rainbow coloured balloon, Where are all the places I’d like to go ~ to the sands and pyramids, walk across Ireland and Wales, do a pilgrimage across Europe in Uncle Horace’s footsteps in WWII…..”

Reading of these long forgotten dreams this morning, my first thought ~ and second thought ~ was ‘Impossible!’  And, truthfully, some of them may be, at face value are impossible. But creatively, there are ways to at least modify them to fit. I have flown in a plane but have yet to fly in a helicopter. Cross country ski ~ I’d have to plan a winter trip to the prairies for that one. May be possible. May not. Riding a bike down a country lane ~ not likely so I’ll have to think about it. There is a hot air balloon festival in New Mexico every year. That would be a great trip to plan. As far as the places I’d like to go ~ reading, watching documentaries and maybe even planning trips in the future will aid me in my quests.

Our dreams and fantasies, tucked in the background of our pasts, when unearthed and revised, are still alive renewing a long forgotten desire to travel. 

“The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.”

~ Eleanor Roosevelt

Author's note: Edited April 04, 2024

Before and After ~1

Before the end of my career

I could see nothing

but dark blankness ~

my anchors cut away

cruelly setting me

adrift into an uncertain sea.

By the end of employment

I saw many doors

to be opened by 

my trembling hand,

cheered on by others

already in mid voyage.

My early journey

has found joy in

cautiously hoisting my sails

riding the winds

confident in the strength 

of my fragile ship.

“The way through the world is more difficult 

to find than the way beyond it.”

 Wallace Stevens, American modernist poet

(October 2, 1879 - August 2, 1955)

Projection

It’s never about me

when I try

to project my thoughts

into other people’s heads.

It is all about me

when I turn

the projector inward

to light my mind’s dark corners.

Inside my own head

I am connected

to my heart and soul

where jostling emotions lie.

When I listen to

them all, I hear

the love and worries

that are truly all about me.

“We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are.”

~ Anais Nin

A Second Childhood?

I’m curious. Authors and writing educators say ‘Write what you know.’ Thus my curiosity. I am often asked the question: ‘how do you like retirement?’ Or how’s retirement going? Probably daily I hear some version of these questions. Sometimes I have an answer. Sometimes I have a faint distant headache from trying to think of an answer. Because I don’t know retirement. I only know that I’ve retired from being employed as a nurse. I’ve let go of my nursing registration. My question is: who was I before I was a nurse. Before I was married. Before I was raising my two sons. In essence: Before. I only remember that person as a child, an adolescent… and then life changed, 

Thus my curiosity, because I haven’t retired from life. Or from being me. I could say that I retired from being me just after high school, giving my self over to the world of adulthood, and all that came with it. So am I now in a second childhood? Not one of senility or being in my dotage. But having the ability to play and learn. To read interesting books. To explore. These things and more along with the life experience of an adult. There are more things to play at ~ going to plays, movies and musical events of my choosing and on my own should I decide to. To have a library and book stores within walking distance. To wander through the city and the park to find out what is there for me to enjoy. To learn. To learn my style of home decor after years of just putting things together. What time should I set the bread to rise.

So how is retirement going? To-day is a good day with my unlimited imagination only reined in by the oven timer going off ~ Bread’s done! By the phone ringing and a good chat with my sister. By going out this afternoon to slip into the sparkling pool for fun and exercise. In between all of these things, it is doing nothing, or paying bills, exploring through old pictures and journals. In short, I have a choice between retiring from life or retiring into a very interesting life. Even shorter: I’m curious.

“The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own 

reason for existence. One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates 

the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvellous structure of reality. It is 

enough if one tries merely to comprehend a little of this mystery each day.”

~ Albert Einstein, “Old Man’s Advice to Youth: ‘Never Lose a Holy Curiosity.’” (LIFE Magazine (2May1955) p.64

Over and Under

pink tree-blossoms under grey skies

green foliage over spring lawns 

colours shine in the dampness

leaves edged in pearled droplets

fences streaked and soaked with wet

moist flags nod and droop in silence

“The world is quiet here.”

~ Lemony Snicket

Now and Then

Creating my own Easter

complete with 

cabbage rolls and chocolate eggs

scalloped potatoes and apple crisp

baked ham and jellied salad

brings precious spirits of family 

wafting from my kitchen

throughout my home til ~

hands deep in soapy dish water

I think I hear fragments of family stories

above the whistle of the tea kettle.

“The past is never dead. It’s not even past.”

~ William Faulkner, Requiem for a Nun