Things I Did Understand

Things I did understand ~

questions unanswered 

asking why of no use because 

the answer was ‘because’ 

But when those ideas floated away 

I understood crayons, 

cartoon shapes to colour, 

dresses to cut out with the little tabs

Then I could

design ball gowns

for paper dolls

colour inside the lines

just right for this little girl 

bright crayons within my reach

What I understood was that 

I didn’t need to know any more 

than what the next picture needed, 

which doll I should cut out.

But I filled expectations, 

like setting the table for a meal, 

practicing piano or 

getting cleaned up for church, 

going to school. 

I did understand that I was ‘growing up’ 

but didn’t know that meant 

more than how tall I was.

Today in retirement I am still ‘growing up.’

“If you carry your childhood with you, you never become older.”

~ Tom Stoppard

(English dramatist)

Our Own Design

Trying new things is not so hard. 

There was a time 

when the judgment of others 

became door stoppers 

and bolted windows. 

Imagined boundaries not be be crossed. 

As we pass each decade change occurs. 

Returning to childhood wishes and hopes 

with the maturity of age 

opens the windows and doors. 

Fresh air and new ideas swirl 

with the wind. 

Except ~ we live in our own ageism

until the excitement and fascination 

with creativity, colours and play 

take hold and let us enjoy life 

as we want it to be ~ 

a design of our own choosing.

“When the image is new, the world is new.”

~ Gaston Bachelard,  The Poetics of Space

Translation

I slide into the flow 

of a career long past, 

picking up here, 

moving things about, 

tending to the bread dough 

ready for the oven. 

There is no rhyme nor reason 

 ~ no great job to complete;

each focus driven and pointed. 

Merely the reality of my mind's 

image translated to 

moving the coffee table, 

the couch, the pile of papers, 

towels and blankets on the floor 

~ a new design.

“…It is when we act freely, for the sake of the action itself rather than 

for ulterior motives, that we learn to become more than what we were.”

~ Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience

Re-Visioning

Going down the rabbit hole 

of words and ideas 

~ related but unrelated ? 

my head is spinning and I need glasses! But I do have glasses ~ not off my face for 

decades but the visions are always the same. The same brown wall, the same red pillows; my mind is to create 

new visions of things? 

Flights of ideas into a cloud

that looks like a dragon, 

and comes out the other side ~ 

no longer the butterfly of brilliance, 

but a red toadstool with white polka dots ~

all familiar and alive ~ 

well maybe not the dragon, 

but so very re-visioned! 

“I think the hard work of writing is just how

 long a book is terrible before it’s good.”

~ Leigh Bardugo, author

Shape Shifting

Routine ~ rigid, flat and boxy

The only word I knew to use

Word search, play and puzzles

found a better word

Design - flexible and beautiful

fanning out in petals

rooted in belief of self

a work of creativity.

“When the image is new, the world is new.”

~ Gaston Bachelard, The Poetics of Space

A Forty Pound Oops!

I was shocked!

They just sat, stolidly leaning up against the porch railings. Two twenty pound bags of potatoes ~ that I hadn’t ordered. I had only wanted two single potatoes.

Where were the rest of my groceries!? There was no obvious delivery person in sight. I didn’t know what to do. I had seen him come up to my front door, but by the time I got my mask on and opened the door, he was nowhere to be seen.

Trying to decide what to do, I breathed easier when he suddenly appeared carrying two more bags of groceries. Fortunately, he was a very nice young man. He did explain what was obviously my error. So rather than eating all things potatoes for the next month ~ breakfast, lunch and supper ~ I sent them back to the store for return or donation.

My error? I didn’t read the website closely enough!

“Mistakes aren’t mistakes; they are lessons!”

~ Israelmore Ayivor, Six Words Inspiration

Back Pocket Ideas

Just over three years into my retirement from nursing, I am getting restless. Life has been far from ordinary since February of 2019. Recently I've had a few curve balls thrown at me. As I listen to another news show, bake another loaf of bread, vacuum the rug and talk to myself - or the cat - my mind and my energy has slowed. 

It does take me back to preretirement discussions with colleagues about what we’d do, where we’d go or even how we’d manage without our careers of life times. There were lots of ideas floated, but then the telephone would ring. Ideas went in our back pockets to take home with us.

Now I think I’ll retrieve some of those ideas. What I do know for sure is that I still want to make a difference in someone’s life. There are two things that need my attention first: clearing up this most recent curve ball; and one more move that is really almost more exciting than the last. (Details to be released later.)

In the meantime, designing this part of my retirement will involve writing and researching some details. I’m really ready to involve myself in something greater than myself. 

“I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something. 

And I will not let what I cannot do interfere with what I can do.”

~ Edward Everett Hale

To Live and Breathe

All around us

C19 floats on air

    invisible

      tasteless 

         odourless

wisps of deadly nothingness

Should we be terrified

afraid to breathe

    cornered?

      frightened?

         hesitant?

curling ourselves away from life?

Such unhappy thoughts 

have crossed many minds

   invisible

     tasteless

        odourless

just as deadly to our souls.

We need to breathe in ease and joy,

grateful for our very breath

   relaxed

     comfortable 

       resilient

opening up to life and living.

“The world isn’t split into good people and Death Eaters.”

~ J.K.Rowling, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

A Crow in Fog

 I had the advantage!

Crows - and birds in general - seem to have an aversion to having their picture taken. In my experience, as soon as my hand pulls my cell phone out, before I can even turn it on, or lift it to click a photo - the avian photo op takes flight!

I first noticed the quiet of the fog, only torn by the occasional obnoxious goose discussion. But that settled into the silence. Then I noticed the crow, its ebony presence barely touched by the fog. It was intent on grooming, lifting a wing, fluffing feathers and not noticing me at all. From my second floor window ~ I had the advantage. 

“If men had wings and bore black feathers, 

few of them would be clever enough to be crows.”

~ Henry Ward Beecher

Awake!!

2:45 a.m.

Soft twitters hint

“It’s too early.”

2:50 a.m.

Jet sleeps in a curl,

purring softly.

2:55 a.m.

Shuttered eyes

merely a foil.

3:00 a.m.

Lamp switched on.

Feet hit the floor.

~~~

6:45 p.m.

Eyelids droop, head nods.

It’s been a long day.

“No small art is it to sleep: it is necessary for 

that purpose to keep awake all day.,”

Friedrich Nietzsche, Thus Spoke Zarathustra

On an Afternoon Walk - Square One

Musing under the springtime sky

Perfect symmetry ~

four sides with a

numbered space

like one section of

a hopscotch game

chalked on cement

the place to return to

when the game turns

on one end to the other

Perfect symmetry ~

four sides with space 

filled with a past design.

“Yea, I shall return with the tide.”

~ Khalil Gibran, The Prophet