A Leap of Faith

Each day is

made up of moments.

On these long days

I could too easily

let them pass through me

leaving behind only anxiety.

Grasping each moment

when I wash my face,

feed my belly 

and my curiosity

each small moment

becomes real and good.

“Life is not made up of minutes, hours, days or years, but of moments. 

Nothing is permanently perfect. But there are perfect moments.”

~ Alex Haditaghi, Softly, As I Leave Her

Unless

Unless I can see what I do not know ~

it’s not true……is it?

Unless I can touch those that are too far away ~

I can’t be part of their lives ……am I wrong?

Unless I can smell what is behind the door ~

it’s not real……is it?

Unless I can hear the voices of others ~

I’ve forgotten them…….have I?

Unless I can taste the flavours ~

it’s not really nourishment……is it?

Unless I can see what I do not know ~

my faith may be shaken….. but not for long.

“This is why I read novels: so I can escape my own unrelenting monologue.”

~ Carol Shields, Unless

Steadfast

Still blooming despite wind, rain and cold
Crinkly Leaf Cactus native to South Africa

Enthusiasm builds slowly from

sparks buried deep in the soul ~

passions sheltered from the world

until curiosity stirs cooling embers.

Enthusiasm builds slowly from

moment to moment, bit by bit

while we gently carry beliefs

on the roads that we travel. 

Enthusiasm builds slowly with

many ups and lots of downs

til one day ~ someday ~ everyday

there’s reason to call ‘Cheers!’

“It’s faith in something and enthusiasm for 

something that makes a life worth living.”

~ Oliver Wendell Holmes

Movie Review: Harriet directed by Kasi Lemmons

Many historical movies are dramatized so much that the true history of the main character becomes a very minor detail. I first heard of Harriet Tubman in relation to her role as a nurse in the U.S. Civil War. I also learned that Harriet Tubman, due to a head injury, possibly had epilepsy with visions and an occasional collapse. The movie Harriet depicts much greater depth to Harriet Tubman’s story. After some research this afternoon reading reviews and historical information I can tell you that the reviews are mixed and some of the story is not historically accurate. There are a couple of reasons for this that I could discern. The first is that Harriet (Cynthia Erivo) was, in fact, illiterate, with much information not written in her own hand. The second is that a life history, condensed into two hours on screen, has created a need to compress time. The two characters that were mainly composites of individuals from that time in history were Gideon Brodess (Joe Alwyn) and Marie Buchanan (Janelle Monaé). 

Despite any veering from historical accuracy, I enjoyed this movie. It was an accurate, if sometimes very brutal, depiction of a strong, courageous woman who became a staunch abolitionist before the Civil War, beginning with her own escape from her slave owners. Slave owners who should have freed her based on the legal wishes of their deceased father. This part is detailed at the beginning of the movie and signalled Minty’s (Araminta/Harriet) run to freedom. She left her husband, who was dubiously free in a hostile environment, afraid he would be re-enslaved if they were caught. I’m not sure many of us can imagine what a ‘run to freedom’ would entail, but some of the safe stops trailed by dogs and slave trackers, without out food or shelter made it very real. Harriet had to learn to hold her head high ‘look like she belonged', learn how to shoot, and learn how to dress. In short, learn how to protect herself in a very hostile world. She first fled to Philedelphia to the Abolitionist Society and later navigated the Underground Railroad and became a ‘conductor’ getting people to St. Catherines, Ont. After her first year of freedom, she returned to the plantation where her family was to bring her husband, John Tubman (Zachary Momoh) to freedom. Things did not go as planned. He had remarried thinking her drowned after she jumped off a bridge to avoid the slave trackers. Questioning her God, whom she had complete faith in, she was torn as to her next steps. Back in slave country, her husband lost to her, it was her brothers and three others that she led to safety in Philadelphia. In her long years as an abolitionist aka Moses, she led at least 70 slaves out of slavery. Her mission continued with the Union Army in many roles. Spy, nurse, and the first woman to lead an armed expedition in the Civil War. 750 slaves were freed in that action. She survived it all and died at age 91 in 1913.

Harriet Tubman’s life was full and extraordinary. To pack such a life into a limited two hours took, in my mind, great skill. I am torn to discount any fictions that were created if it furthered our awareness of Harriet Tubman’s story.

“Many of you don’t know slavery first-hand. But I remember. 

I’ve heard their groans, heard their tears.”

~ Harriet Tubman, Harriet - the movie

(speaking to the Abolitionist Society)

Directed by Kasi Lemmons 

Writing Credits: Gregory Allen Howard

                         Kasi Lemmons

Partial Cast

Cynthia Erivo - Harriet Tubman (Minty)

Zachary Momoh - John Tubman, Harriet’s husband

Michael Marunde - Edward Brodess

Jennifer Nettles - Eliza Brodess, plantation owner’s wife

Joe Alwyn - Gideon Brodess, plantation owner’s son

Clarke Peters - Ben Ross, Harriet’s father

Vanessa Bell Calloway - Rit Ross, Harriet’s mother

Leslie Odom Jr. - William Still

Janelle Monaé - Marie Buchanan

Vondie Curtis-Hall - Reverend Green, pastor on plantation

Henry Hunter Hall - Walter, slave tracker

Omar J. Dorsey - Bigger Long, slave tracker

No Memos

Ongoing changes shape our world

never stopping to see if we have

   caught up to the last change

     caught our breath or

       caught the wind in our sails

Ongoing changes are like the wind

Coming from any direction when

  we least expect it

    to roar thru' well planned lives

      or vanishing, leaving us  breathless.

Ongoing changes are challenges

~ challenges that we will meet

 with aplomb or with fear

   gathering our wits and our faith

     with the will to survive and live.

“The only way to make sense out of change is to 

plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance.”

~ Alan Wilson Watts

Retirement Blues

A summer time shot from a couple of years ago - my goal,

Fourteen days into official retirement Twenty-six days from my last shift,

stepping forward was my choice ~
excited and open hearted until spaces of time when groceries bought for lunches magically appeared;
when the alarm clock no longer goes off
but I awaken on time and early anyway.
To these open spaces that drift past
left unfilled until I learn to stop rushing in my head and 

become comfortable with the tap tap and sway of new
rhythms in life and learning about
  Yesterday’s beliefs
      Today’s activities and
          Tomorrow’s hopes and dreams.

“Sooner or later I’m going to die,

but I’m not going to retire.”

~ Margaret Mead

Forces of Change

We all take the bits and pieces of ideas that others discuss sometimes tasting whole chunks. Sometimes we will try something out to see how it works in our life. If it doesn’t work the way it was envisioned, it gets discarded. Or we just get bored with a ‘brilliant’ idea that turned out to be only ‘brilliant’ at the time. David Cain, a Winnipeg writer and blogger (raptitude.com), discussed his idea for the year of 2018 of going deeper not wider in daily life. His initial suggestion was to not buy anything new which tweaked my interest. Any of his ideas and previous experiments could have fit into the categories I mentioned. In January for 2018, I tried Depth Year on for my own life, being unaware of the emotions that would be stirred as I proceeded. It started out with not buying anything new. It was a success for the most part, but the feelings it engendered without the newness were feelings of deprivation and poverty. Very uncomfortable and frightening at a time when I was contemplating retirement. I was not looking forward to the very scary, and for some all too real, ‘bag lady’ image. But, I had made a commitment to try this Depth Year and make it a good try, not one to toss away as soon as the emotional going got a bit tough. At the same time, I also gave myself permission to back off and out if I truly believed it would not be a good fit for me.

The success of this little experiment has been felt in nuances and colour. The most important has been attitude shifts about how and why to proceed in daily life. Important enough to extend this little experiment into 2019. To keep looking in depth into my life. Should something scary pop up at me like a mischievous jack-in-the-box, stop and really look at what reality has to say. This New Year of 2019 has no clairvoyance to it. Merely projections and what if’s countered by hopes and dreams. Threats of doom and gloom balanced by personal courage, wisdom and the will to live wholesome lives. At this years end, I believe in the possibility of renewed and growing lives. Only with each step that we take, will we provide 2019 with success, not necessarily in dollars and cents, but laughter, learning and sometimes crying. Maybe a little luck, some magic or some other unseen force helps life move along just when we have given up. Being patient while the magic happens is key, along with hope, faith and belief in life and love.

“May the force be with you.”

~ George Lucas, Starwars

Leaping through Life

Taking a leap has not been one of my preferred activities. After all, when I was 15 and attempting the annual High School Track and Field Day event of  high jump, my success was extremely limited. Although I barely skimmed over the bar set shorter than my own shortness, I landed with such a thump on the freshly raked sand, that I could barely stand up. High fives were not even invented until 1977 ~ not that I would have needed that information then. Curiosity, on the other hand, has been around for a long, long time. When I was 15, I was curious about my ability to be athletic. I wanted to leap the high jump bar gracefully, jump up and do it again. Over the years I’ve learned to take many, many leaps. Leaps of faith, leaps of bravery, leaps of joy, leaping into the unknown, leaps with a big deep breath and I’ve not always recovered from them very gracefully ~ but I do keep trying. Just no athletic stuff.

“All growth is a leap in the dark, a spontaneous 

unpremeditated act without benefit of experience.”

~ Henry Miller

A Box

Originality could be a problem 

 when focus demands 

     standards

          rules

              regulations

in short: a box

  with flexibility only

       if it fits

colouring inside the lines

  with colours dictated by protocols

living with integrity

  inside a box requires 

     belief in oneself

  faith in the goodness of others

and hope for original, creative thought and action.

“A box without hinges, key, or lid, yet golden treasure inside is hid.”

~ J.R.R.Tolkien

Unstung

This is a followup to yesterday's couple of lines. I was surprised to see 'sadness' as a reflection of my few words. It is always sad, and annoying, when I take a sudden dive into my perception of inadequacy. That comes from old messages and beliefs that have not been valid for many, many years. It's a gremlin that rears it's ugly head at the strangest times. It is my challenge to undo those old messages, have them fade and become just innocuous whisperings. Never ignored, however. This piece of poetry is a fuller description of this recent experience, as well as confronting and changing old messages and beliefs.

             Unstung

My heart swirled in the midst of

animated conversation picking apart

thoughtful ideas

Grand vocabulary

poetic structure stacked haphazardly

stung by my own inadequacies

I silently retreated within

but not before 

questioning, opining, observing

stuffing all quickly in my back pocket

My heart swelled in the middle of

reflective picking apart of

thoughtful ideas

Grand vocabulary

polite company stacked haphazardly

Open to my own abilities

I stepped forward with faith in myself

but not before

discussing, opining, discerning

planting all in my soul for new growth.

“Be faithful to that which exists within yourself.”

~ André Gide

Stung

Stung by my own inadequacy

Faith in my ability to learn

removed the sting.

"Doubt is a pain too lonely to know that faith is his twin brother."

~ Kahlil Gibran

Author's note: Quotation was missing! Added today; edited: February 08, 2024

It's All About Self-Doubt

It’s all about self-doubt

Self-doubt creeping up and in

whispering inaudibly

a tendril of acrid smoke curling,

settling in

pushing against internal faith.

Faith standing still slowly, 

slowly winning the day

self-doubt wafting away

(but still a fading whisper).

“Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good

 we oft might win, by fearing to attempt.”

~ William Shakespeare,  Measure for Measure

Heart and Mind

Techniques

Mind games

ignoring the truth that

bubbles up from the heart

until there is only

Technique and mind games

Belief

Mind games pushed aside

with faith in the truth

that stirs within the soul

until there is only

Belief, faith and truth.

“And now here is my secret, a very simple secret: It is only with the heart 

that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.”

~ Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince

Memories in Stitches

The beginning of memory 

~ this old green afghan ~

flickering memories

like old home movies 

the reel spinning too fast

easily torn

by intrusive thoughts 

before memories

come a bit more clearly ~

the movie reel slowed until

faithful flashes of memory

hold sway and open the past.

This old green afghan

woven and crocheted

nimble fingers steadily

nibbling the yarn

speaking silently to brain cells

'Wake up. Wake up.'

How many afghans followed? 

Miles and miles of multicoloured yarns ~

afghans strewn Saskatchewan to Texas and to BC

each stitch crocheted around a memory.

“Nothing is ever really lost to us as long as we remember it.”

~ L.M.Montgomery, The Story Girl