Things I Did Understand

Things I did understand ~

questions unanswered 

asking why of no use because 

the answer was ‘because’ 

But when those ideas floated away 

I understood crayons, 

cartoon shapes to colour, 

dresses to cut out with the little tabs

Then I could

design ball gowns

for paper dolls

colour inside the lines

just right for this little girl 

bright crayons within my reach

What I understood was that 

I didn’t need to know any more 

than what the next picture needed, 

which doll I should cut out.

But I filled expectations, 

like setting the table for a meal, 

practicing piano or 

getting cleaned up for church, 

going to school. 

I did understand that I was ‘growing up’ 

but didn’t know that meant 

more than how tall I was.

Today in retirement I am still ‘growing up.’

“If you carry your childhood with you, you never become older.”

~ Tom Stoppard

(English dramatist)

Ice Dream

There is a gap 

where words have forgotten 

to flow ~ all crowded at the edges 

like snow drifts around a frozen pond.

If I put on my white leather skates 

   with the sharp silver blades 

I could set out on the ice and 

carve a poem in it’s frigid surface. 

Tonight my skates don’t fit and 

the blades are dull. Tomorrow, 

I will skate under the blue sky 

as the sun sets in the west ~

a childhood dream that is 

the imagining of my heart.

“Everything you can imagine is real.”

~ Pablo Picasso

Our Town

Spread out before us, 

sharing the prairie with grasshoppers, sunshine, 

steady wind and cloud 

sculptures in the sky.

Spread out before us 

was our childhood ~ 

parents, aunts, uncles, 

cousins and neighbours, storekeepers, school teachers

Nostalgia ~ a sweet soft ache.

“Family matters because I love my roots and traditions, and 

I carry them with me. I respect my ancestors, and I know who I am.”

~ Belén Gallardo, memoirist, biographer

Making Space

Wedged in here

Stacked up there

Nostalgia in solid form

Until my soul is paper thin

No room to breathe only

writing scant notes 

with little design

until 

I need to breathe

easily 

to create 

in colours and shapes 

of childhood

making space for 

my soul to shine

my dreams to blossom

“The space itself, your home, naturally has a message and intention.”

~ Thich Nhat Hanh, Making Space: 

Creating a Home Meditation Practice

A Race Too Fast

Three score and sixteen years passed; within them 

the curtained rooms 

of childhood, 

opened doors 

of adolescence, 

many stair steps 

of an adult world

confusion in an uncertain race 

too fast to understand life’s twists and turns 

until knowledge blossoms from it all; 

accepting the past as past; 

standing firm in today.

“In all beginnings dwells a magic force

For guarding us and helping us to live.

~ Hermann Hesse, Stages

Author’s note: blogpost inspired by Stages by Hermann Hesse

More and More and More

As an adolescent, I begged my father for 

a beautiful gold coat without a collar

Winters in Saskatchewan not

a good pairing for such a coat

but, like any “good” father, 

he bent to my pleas. I wonder ~

What would have been sacrificed?

Today, as an adult, I didn’t have to beg

I became my own parent, deciding

What money would I spend on myself?

Did I want the best backpack for

my slight frame and sturdy shoulders?

Will it hold my book, my pens and lunch

colour only the last part of my decision,

but very important to my creative side.

In the 1950’s the Eaton’s store 

had a limited selection of goods.

Today, over 60 years later, in a 

cavernous store only one of many

In a Mall with rows and rows of 

clothes, shoes, backpacks, gadgets

and more and more and more….

Childhood pleas continue

Parents keep bending to pleas

Despite budgets and cost

Choices are more and more and more

Eaton’s and Sears are distant memories

The fun and expectations of catalogues 

morphed to online shopping so we can have the more.

“As long as you think more is better, you’ll never be satisfied.”

~ Richard Carlson, Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff

Thirty Days hath September...

“Thirty days hath September,

April, June and November

All the rest have thirty-one……..”

A childhood rhyme for learning the days in the months of the year. Now, decades later, I still recite that phrase as I did tonight. It’s really a pretty little phrase with it’s old English ‘hath’; a word now obsolete, unless one wants to sound rather old fashioned, or unless one has difficulty remembering how many days are in March!

“I left the fairy tales lying on the floor of the nursery, 

and I have not found any books so sensible since.”

~ G.K.Chesterton

Grow Up!

July, 2009

Quick and quirky ~
that flash in the pan, 

or dash down the street.

childish learning happens 

like hanging a coat on a hook 

taken down when the wind is high and it’s time to go outside and play, slowing only because someone said to or when an older body demands rest and relaxation 

And yet quick and quirky brings 

colour and movement to life, sparkle and shine 

only slowing long enough be an adult 

with measured steps, steadfast action and thought. 

Quick and quirky should live on the playground 

where we learn all the things that life will throw at us, 

how to spin them around to our benefit, 

how to take a lemon and make lemonade or 

how to brush dirt from a scraped knee 

and get back on the swing.

“Who makes quick use of the moment is a genius of prudence.”

~ Johann Kaspar Lavater, German theologian

(1741 - 1801)

Back in Time

Back in Time

Intimacy came slowly to the young couple. So slowly, that neither were prepared for the day they met again. Childhood sweethearts, they had not considered their futures. Five year olds seldom do. Elementary school passed and when high school came separation was inevitable. She got involved with drama and the arts. He got involved in every sports team he could. Dreams were longer shared. They still looked at each other wistfully, but there was nothing more. She went to a university across the country. He was a first pick for a major league hockey team. She married a man in one of her drama classes. A family of five and acting kept her busy and happy. Camping trips to the mountains with their children were special times for them. In the city, they introduced their children to museums and art galleries. When he passed too early, leaving her with children to raise, she felt his loss like a knife in her heart. They had loved each other dearly. The hockey star also married and had a wonderful family. His wife made his career and their family her priority. A stay at home mom, she was also a hockey mom. Because her husband was away so much of the time, their cell phones and iPads were invaluable. Between games, wherever he was, there would be a home game video to watch and many times, he watched the games from a distance but with his family. They would each order up nachos and share that time with each other. When he closed his eyes at night he was proud and happy of his wife and children. His heart ached that he had to be so far away so often.

~~~~~

An invitation in the mail to Melanie’s hometown 150th anniversary came in the mail. She set it aside while she looked at the flyers from toy stores and big box stores. She sighed. “This is where my life has ended? Looking at flyers and wondering if I should go home for the anniversary.” She shook her head. Talking to her parrot while he preened his feathers, she said. “I haven’t been in touch with anyone from there in years. We’re all old and probably wouldn’t recognize anyone anyway.” Her children had married and lived in different parts of the country. They had their own families to care for. She saw her grandchildren regularly on Skype, always on their birthdays and took trips to see them. Her acting career had shrivelled to almost nothing. 

Just herself and her parrot. “Enough of feeling sorry for myself.” She picked up the invitation and called the number. “Harry, it’s good to talk to you!……..Yes, I’m coming, just got the invitation today.”

~~~~~

Harry returned to his hometown after his wife’s death the year before. He didn’t know if he’d be happy there, but at least he’d be closer to one of his sons. That had been a surprise. “Why on earth do you want to live out in the sticks, Ben?”  His son was the one to be surprised. “Really, dad? The three of us came out here every summer to grandma and grandpa’s. I have a ton of friends out there. One of the guys and I are opening a sports equipment business out there. We’ll stay connected with the major supplier in the city and will be able to get equipment faster for all the surrounding towns.” Harry didn’t say anything but worried that their eagerness didn’t match reality. But, turned out it did. So Harry moved 'out to the sticks' too. Involved with the town’s 150th anniversary, he was put in charge of researching and sending out the invitations. When he came upon Melanie’s name, his heart did a little flip. “Naw. She won’t even remember me. We were quite a pair when we were five, but that was a long time ago.” He addressed it and put it in the mail with all the others.

~~~~~

“Before we belonged to anyone else, we were each other’s.”

~ Elizabeth Noble, The Way We Were

Rooted

Snow

hangs on ~

protected by shade

Leaves

hang on ~ 

not time to let go

Childhood

hangs on ~

In the kitchen, 

the yard or 

    climbing a tree.

“The trick is growing up without growing old.”

~ Casey Stengel

Childhood and Summer

I had no clothes line ~

just the heat of the day

a light breeze and

a card table chair

Two items that escape

the dryer with each wash

became sun-dried, warm and 

smelling of childhood and summer.

“Smells could bring a person back clearer than pictures even could.”

~ Anne Tyler, Breathing Lessons