Book Review: Learned by Heart by Emma Donoghue

This rather unsettling story is of rascism, class, a woman’s ‘place’, rigid rules of conduct and gender. It is of Anne Lister and Eliza Raine, two young girls in a boarding school in England between 1806 and 1815. Donoghue writes it in letters from Eliza to Anne with four chapters telling the story of school life. In the late 1700’s, Eliza and her sister Jane, were borne of mixed parentage in India, and sent ‘home’ to England when their father died. Little is known about their mother. They were put in the care their father’s colleague, a Dr. Duffin. 

Eliza enters Miss Hargrave’s Manor School, a girl’s school, before Anne Lister. When Anne Lister comes to the school, full of mischief, energy and knowledge, Eliza’s life changes dramatically. By apparent accident, the two girls share a room they called ‘the Slope’. It was just big enough for two cots and had a sloped roof. Anne immediately fell in love with Eliza but their intimate relationship developed slowly. Eliza had been raised with little knowledge of relationships, let alone with someone of the same sex. There were whispers about other older single women, but for the girls the Manor School it was unimaginable.

Emma Donoghue is graphic about the Eliza and Anne’s private relationship, but also stories the lengths they had to go to keep it a secret when with their classmates. Anne, raised with two brothers, was rough and tumble and disliked following such rules. Eliza was the one who seemed to keep a check on Anne. If they were out on the grounds on their own, it was a much more difficult task. Eliza had fun those times, but always afraid of being caught doing inappropriate things, like climbing old ruins that Anne seemed to know the history of. In their last escapade, Anne broke her leg. Because she could not be cared for at the Manor, she was sent home.
The girls continued writing to each other, however Eliza, her heart broken, realized that Anne had many more relationships and theirs was not to be.

Of interest is the Author’s Note following the end the novel.  Eliza Raine, Anne Lister and many of the characters in Learned by Heart are historical figures. Donoghue details the research she has done these characters. She has imagined the possible story between the two girls in Victorian, England and they challenges they faced at such a difficult age and time.

“the only lesson I learned, or at least the only lesson I remember, was you.”

~ Emma Donoghue, Learned by Heart

Title: Learned by Heart

Author: Emma Donoghue

Copyright: 2023

Publisher: Harper Avenue, an imprint of HarperCollins Publishers Ltd.

Type: Fiction

Format: Hard cover

ISBN - 9781443470315  (hard cover)

ISBN - 20230460410 (Canadiana - ebook)

ISBN - 9781443470322 (ebook)

LCCN - PS8557.O559 L43 2023

Clearing Skies and Open Air

Restoration and rays of sunshine are ready twins

~ sunshine blocked by dirty gray clouds built and hovering for too many decades. 

True reconciliation creeps forward slowly as clouds of attitude and old laws break, blown away by the

errant winds of willingness and acceptance.

If only we are all willing to participate.

“Only from the heart can you touch the sky.” 

~ Rumi

On an Afternoon Walk - Survival by the Sidewalk 2

I just had to check on Gertrude. She was really quite perky. Or should I say, protective, yet still no goslings in sight. She is cared for though. A plastic sandwich container with water lay within her reach as well as a generous sprinkling of grains. 

My afternoon walk was a visit to the grocery store for bananas and romaine lettuce. I tore off a piece of lettuce, ripped it in pieces and tried to get it close to her. Pinning me down with her glare, she hissed at me, so I just threw them as close to her as possible. She was definitely not a goose I wanted to challenge.

“Being a mother is an attitude, not a biological relation.”

~ Robert A. Heinlein, Have Space Suit - Will Travel

Chapter One, Episode 153 - Drama - Situationally Theirs

Review, Revision, Edit and Update

There is a question I ask when I'm reading my reviews. “Are those words furthering the story?” This is an especially important question when a sentence feels disjointed in my mouth. My decision has to be to rearrange words, to remove words, or maybe get rid of the whole sentence. In fact, a phrase or sentence, may not only be unnecessary but may distract from the intent of the setting or story. With this in mind, rearranging and removal were the tasks of today's revision.

Drama

The phone rang. Her well used cell phone was face-up on the counter, dangerously close to a water filled pickle jar where two paint brushes soaked. One paint brush behind her ear, another clamped between her teeth, Dez lifted her brush from the canvas. She glanced at the offending noise. “Jeremy? What’s he calling me for?” Taking her brush out of her mouth and setting her paint filled palette in the midst of her cluttered counter, she wiped her hands on her colourfully stained apron. Punching the 'accept call' icon she answered the call. “Jeremy? Did you call a wrong number? This is Dez - not Emmie.”

~~~~

With cup of coffee in hand, Dr. Jeremy Crawford, decided to call Emmie’s sister, Dez. He knew he should have already called Emelina. Talked to her, apologized, said something but he was too embarrassed. He knew he was completely out of line the day - the night - that he called her. Asking her to come to the hospital to see his patient, Mrs. Tyler? Just because Em's name was on the back of an old photo? But this patient wasn’t expected to live through the night, she said she didn’t have anyone, and looked so lost, so alone……. “Dez, I need….I want to talk with you about my behaviour the other night. I should be talking to Emelina and I will, but you were there.”

Dez was confused. “Jeremy, how would that help? I don’t know what I could say. I don’t even know why you think talking to me would help, but if you want to come over here….have you had supper yet? I’ll just heat up a pizza and make some salad. You can talk and I can listen. Sound's like that’s all you need - some pizza and a sounding board.”

~~~~~

“You were right, Dez.” Jeremy took another slice of the pizza and more salad. “About them both - pizza and a sounding board. I haven’t been eating much of anything the last couple of days. My fridge is practically empty. I haven't even cared much about food.” Putting down his salad fork, he looked at Dez. “I really did mess up, didn’t I?” Abruptly he pushed his chair back and paced up and down the small kitchen. “Such a jackass! I shouldn’t have called her at that hour with such vague information about a woman I’d never seen before. All on the strength of that stupid photograph!”

“Slow down Jeremy, stop being so hard on yourself.” Dez listened to Jeremy’s little outburst with sympathy. “Maybe you messed up and maybe you didn’t. But what’s done is done. Did I think it was weird? Yes, but I’d do anything for my sister, so when she asked me to come with her, I did.” Dez recalled the concern in Emmie’s voice that night that urged her to get up. “I wasn’t exactly awake and eager to get out of my nice warm bed, but Emmie saved me from a predicament three months ago, so returning the favour was the least I could do.” 

~~~~~

Being with Dez, he felt strong enough to call her sister, embarrassed or not. After a short conversation with Emelina, Jeremy looked at Dez and ssaid he had to go. With a new found excitement and in a most unprofessional manner, Jeremy kissed Dez on each cheek, hugged her as she sat at the table, said “Thank you! Thank you.” He took a last bite of pizza and left Dez’s apartment. Still sitting at the table and stunned, she heard her door slam and Jeremy’s feet pounding down the hall. She stood, put their plates in the sink, the leftover pizza in the fridge for breakfast. Washing the tomato sauce from her hands, she picked up her brushes and went back to her painting.

“Never let somebody’s drama determine the outcome of your day.”

~ Terry Mark (unknown author of quote)

What Had Been Given

This short story was originally titled ‘Reality Moves Forward from the Past’. It seemed too long and unwieldy. Written for New Year's in 2013, it really did need some fixing! So, after editing, fixing typos and doing general upgrades I’m pleased. We all do those things on a daily basis. Learning more effective ways of doing or saying things. Typos? I’m not sure about that one unless we’re actually writing something by hand with a real pen and a real piece of paper! Although changing frown wrinkles to smile wrinkles seems possible. General repairs tend to get a little more necessary over time. Changing eating habits and increasing exercise are difficult choices! My attitude toward each year that passes can be filled with just bit of resentment. Having to adjust activities when sleep is at a premium, when I can’t eat as much as I want, when my eyes need more help……….I won’t go on. What we have been given by our families, friends and mentors, whether a quilt or homespun wisdom, can be cherished anyway. Being grateful for the good and, strangely the bad, has moved me forward in my heart.

What Had Been Given

Elizabeth sat in the middle of the tiny bedroom. It was the only room that held all of  her past. Videos, books and cassette tapes. A crocheted picture created by her aunt decades before. Elizabeth had tried to create something out of her life, purchasing bits and pieces to build her home ‘from the inside out’. She hadn’t realized there were so many memories in these few charming gifts that did not fit her lifestyle with Rudy. It was New Year’s Eve. Elizabeth wore her new slinky floor length black dress. Traced on the black silk, tiny diamonds flowed left shoulder to waist to join pleats encrusted with tiny rubies. The diamonds faded in starlight streams twinkling gently over her bosom, waist and hips. The narrow but slightly flaring skirt only caught a very few of the diamonds. Simple ruby earrings and a pendant would be her only accessories. Her hair was silvered with only few streaks of black streaming from one temple. Hair that would be styled in a fashionable chignon. Held in place by silver combs. Because the evening was a formal dinner, she had chosen the black satin and low pumps. A very tall woman, she preferred wearing flats or low pumps. She had no illusions that her figure was anything but that of a mature woman. The youthful gleam in her eyes complemented her maturity.

Rudy, her ‘prince charming’, still elegant and still charming, hated wearing what he called the 'dreadful penguin suit’ with the bow tie that he was certain threatened to strangle him. Preferring walking shorts and a golf club, he felt completely out of his element. Brushing back the consistently wayward curl from his forehead, Elizabeth had convinced him that he was dressing up only for her. She assured him he could play golf without question any time at all, even though Elizabeth seldom complained about his golf games. He had kissed her tenderly and said ‘Only for you, my love. Only for you.’

Her reality was now and just as joyous. Her past was tucked up comfortably in one of the many spare bedrooms in this grand home that her parents had never dreamed possible. Elizabeth cherished all that she had been given. The twin bed with the quilt her grandmother made for her. The Ann and Andy porcelain dolls in the old rocking chair given one Christmas by her great aunt. So many joyous memories made before she and Rudy had even met.  A time when diamonds and rubies were merely sparkles seen in jewelry store windows. Gently putting her old dolls back in place, smoothing the quilt, she checked the time. Closing the door on her memories, she began preparing for the New Year to come.

“The gift was not large as money goes, and my need was not great, but the spirit of the gift is beyond price and leaves me blessed and in debt.”

~ Robert Fulghum, All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten

Attitude Changes Stigma

I’m thinking about stigma this morning. On a bright summer day when the wind is calm and the sky is blue complete with two swallow tail butterflies flitting past to the next flower. So how does that work? Sweeping my patio of all the debris the wind of the last few weeks has blown in, I let my thoughts wander. The winds had also spread some of the mulch for the gardens into the cracks and corners of the patio blocks. Spider homes webbed behind my storage bin. You see, my wandering thoughts were also about the stigmas towards a variety of chronic diseases and conditions ~ addiction, epilepsy, diabetes, cancer, mental illness, etc. and on and on ~ burdened by the attitudes of stigma. Recovering from or living with any chronic condition is enough of a challenge in and of itself. Especially if it is very fragile and difficult to manage while trying to enjoy an interesting and rewarding life at the same time.

The attitudes of stigma are like the crusted leaves, fine dirt, crumpled bits of paper and even dry discarded flower petals nestled on my patio. These attitudes, much like my patio debris, have come from somewhere, piling up in corners and crevices to be ignored until a broom comes along and sweeps it all up. But is stigma that neat? Can we just sweep stigma up and toss it in the garbage heap, in the compost or under the hedge? I don’t think so. 

Stigma resides in the cracks and crevices of our minds and heart. Where has it come from? Our own experiences with watching someone live with chronic disease? From the sometimes dubious lessons learned on the playground without challenge by any other knowledge? From gossip and conjecture in ordinary conversation? Certainly from many more people, places and situations I can suggest here. No, banishing such long held beliefs and attitudes is not as easy as sweeping a patio. Recognition of the attitude of stigma and deciding if there is any value to nurturing it any longer begins this very personal journey. With willingness of heart, changing even a long held attitude can be done.

“…the issue becomes not whether a person has experience 

with a stigma of his own, because he has, but rather 

how many varieties he has had his own experience with.”

~ Erving Goffman, Stigma: Notes on the Management of Spoiled Identity

Forces of Change

We all take the bits and pieces of ideas that others discuss sometimes tasting whole chunks. Sometimes we will try something out to see how it works in our life. If it doesn’t work the way it was envisioned, it gets discarded. Or we just get bored with a ‘brilliant’ idea that turned out to be only ‘brilliant’ at the time. David Cain, a Winnipeg writer and blogger (raptitude.com), discussed his idea for the year of 2018 of going deeper not wider in daily life. His initial suggestion was to not buy anything new which tweaked my interest. Any of his ideas and previous experiments could have fit into the categories I mentioned. In January for 2018, I tried Depth Year on for my own life, being unaware of the emotions that would be stirred as I proceeded. It started out with not buying anything new. It was a success for the most part, but the feelings it engendered without the newness were feelings of deprivation and poverty. Very uncomfortable and frightening at a time when I was contemplating retirement. I was not looking forward to the very scary, and for some all too real, ‘bag lady’ image. But, I had made a commitment to try this Depth Year and make it a good try, not one to toss away as soon as the emotional going got a bit tough. At the same time, I also gave myself permission to back off and out if I truly believed it would not be a good fit for me.

The success of this little experiment has been felt in nuances and colour. The most important has been attitude shifts about how and why to proceed in daily life. Important enough to extend this little experiment into 2019. To keep looking in depth into my life. Should something scary pop up at me like a mischievous jack-in-the-box, stop and really look at what reality has to say. This New Year of 2019 has no clairvoyance to it. Merely projections and what if’s countered by hopes and dreams. Threats of doom and gloom balanced by personal courage, wisdom and the will to live wholesome lives. At this years end, I believe in the possibility of renewed and growing lives. Only with each step that we take, will we provide 2019 with success, not necessarily in dollars and cents, but laughter, learning and sometimes crying. Maybe a little luck, some magic or some other unseen force helps life move along just when we have given up. Being patient while the magic happens is key, along with hope, faith and belief in life and love.

“May the force be with you.”

~ George Lucas, Starwars

With Only

With only a few words,

whispered or spoken softly,

wisdom floats heart to heart.

With only a deep breath,

our attitudes soften

while beliefs grow strong.

With only a single step

our path stretches before us.

Wisdom shows us the way.

“We must be willing to let go of the life we planned 

so as to have the life that is waiting for us.”

~ Joseph Campbell

What's Missing?

Something’s different 

but not amiss ~

All chairs, pillows, tables, 

even clutter still in place ~ maybe a bit dusty,

gardens still growing

tomatoes hanging 

wait to redden in the sun

But 

something’s different

Quick! Look around

maybe the laundry’s not done

no ~ empty laundry basket

a window left open?

no ~ stuffy and close in here

Hmmm.

Something really is different!

a quick look in the mirror

gray hair flying away as usual

earrings on ~ clothing, maybe a bit drab, 

but neat and tidy

Sigh.

just an ordinary sigh?

not a big sigh of exasperation?

just a sigh!

That’s what it is!

no worries!

anxiety has flown the coop

calm and passion simmers softly in my soul.

Wow!

“Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference.”

~ Winston S. Churchill

Shift

Attitudinally shifting.

Such an awkward word pairing!

Sort of like the awkwardness of shifting 

an attitude from habitual and ineffective 

to effectively habitual.

Attitudes are learned.

Young thirsty minds soak in attitudes 

that wander and swirl through families 

and communities only shifting when education and experience introduce 

new ideas and perceptions

An ‘attitude of gratitude’ ~

An old expression offering

one simple shift to 

clear away attitudes

of anger, fear and sadness

creating peace of mind.

“People may hear your words, but they feel your attitude.”

~ John C. Maxwell

Fulfillment

A life of ritual

a life of meaning

or

a life of routine ~

productive, yet flat

chores and tasks

long lists of

to do this

to do that

march

though each day

with a chance

for fulfillment

with a new attitude,

for self care,

for care of others,

for the care of our homes

a life of ritual

a life of meaning

or

a life of routine ~

productive, yet flat.

“Don’t allow your life to become just a dead ritual. 

Let there be moments, unexplainable.”

~ Osho, Creativity: Unleashing the Forces Within

Currents of Change

Respect
Given or received

Changes
The very air that we breathe

Attitudes
Raise or lower temperatures

And
with this principle of change

Behaviour
Just might follow suit!

“One of the greatest victories you can gain

 over someone is to beat him at politeness”

~ Josh Billings

A Principle Design ~ PRINCIPLES ~ Theme for January 2017

At this beginning of 2017, and given all the changes and losses of 2016, principles have come to mind - the principles of those that we have lost, and the principles of those of us that remain on this earth.

Progress comes at great expense

Respect changes attitudes and behaviour
Intuition whispers goals and dreams
Natural resources are deep within
Conscience settles in each moment
Integrity challenges the status quo
Possiblities are filled with honesty
Leadership sets the bar high…..or low
Ethics shapes decisions
Standards, based in belief, create direction

“A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.”

~ Dwight D. Eisenhower

To Build a Better Home

To Build a Better Home

Birthdays are a time to put the star on the tree, as it were. Jordan had planned the tiniest of details of his party, pushing all of his staff to get everything perfect. His birthday was to celebrate his 55^th birthday and to celebrate the opening of his 10^th business. All of his businesses had been absolute successes. The only thorn in all of his plans was his nephew, Stanley. Jordan had been named Stanley’s guardian when Jordan’s brother and his wife had died tragically in a car accident when Stanley was three years old. For many years, their relationship had been magical. So while Stanley was his nephew, after all these years, their relationship was as father and son. But…..Stanley wanted more and more every day. Jordan did wonder sometimes if it was because he had given him too much as a child and a young man. He had never pushed him to be or do anything more than he wanted to. Now in his late twenties, Stanley was still needy and selfish.

Jordan’s new business was completely different. Jordan was known in his business community as a man who made money. Consumer businesses - electronics, furniture and anything else for the wannabe customers in the region. But tonight’s party was to announce the opening of a new Social Housing enterprise on the old Moorhead Estate. He had purchased the estate the year before with the original intent to create a grand new home for himself. But, his nephew Stanley had other ideas. He had been active in the Commuity Homeless Coalition for several years and had approached his uncle about developing social housing to house 20 to 25 families, including some units for single individuals. Selfish young man. Why should Jordan spend his money on people he didn’t even know? After much arm twisting, Jordan had acquiesced to his nephew’s constant pleas. Jordan thought the deal was complete. He could go ahead and have his architects and builders restructure Moorhead Arms into separate suites and apartments. But Stanley wanted to be in on all the details.  

Well, ultimately Jordan and Stanley would butt heads about these details. Stanley was not backing down and neither was his uncle. Jordan lived in a world of convenience and abundance. Those people that were homeless did not have even have the conveniences of showers, refrigerators or the security of a key in their front door. When Jordan was concerned about fancy light fixtures and plush carpeting, Stanley was concerned about building security and plumbing. 

One day there was a shouting match to end all shouting matches. Both were committed to going forward with the Social Housing enterprise. Jordan, because he found it was giving him a glowing community personna. Stanley because he had invested his life in providing for a very marginalized population. He had been aware for many years that he had been very, very fortunate to have been raised by his uncle, when foster homes could have been his lot. As evening gathered around their dissent, Jordan and Stanley realized they were getting nowhere. Sudden silence stretched the incredible tension. Continuing their fight could just erase any potential for success. They were more alike than they wanted to admit. 

Stanley was the first to speak. ‘Uncle Jordan. You are stubborn, arrogant and I love you. What can I do to make this work?’

‘Stanley, please just forgive me. I plow through things without thinking about anyone else. Just that I know best and believe I do know best. Take me to meet some of the people that live in these homes. I need to hear what they need, what they want. I don’t know that world and I want to know it.’

~~~~~

Moorhead Social Housing Estates opened successfully within the year as planned. There were still a few arguments, but they were much more quietly resolved. Jordan and Stanley listened to each other. Jordan still didn’t really understand the reasons for homelessness. Stanley still didn’t understand his uncles attitudes. Nevertheless, the business man and the social activitist were able to find a very workable and respectful common ground.

“We’re a team. It’s part of our job to help each other out, and to forgive each other quickly. Otherwise, we’d never get anything done.”

~ Jeremy Kraatz, Villains Rising

Author's note: edited January 31, 2024