Brain Fog

It was clearer today 

as though a gust of wind 

had brushed aside 

gathering cobwebs ~ 

flinging them into 

muttering thunderclouds,

washing it clean in 

raindrops and cool air.

“Sometimes it all gets a little too much, but 

you gotta realize that soon the fog will clear up.”

~ Shawn Mendes, singer, song-writer

Out of Order?

Epilepsy just a part ~

The order of my life 

can shift 

with each day but 

an order I maintain. 

No one can see 

my early mornings,

the precious gap in time 

friend seizure may show in ~ 

  a blink of my consciousness, 

   a jerk of my leg, 

    or the fling of my arm.

I’m grateful that is all 

I need worry about ~

others have daily or hourly seizure activity 

much more violent and unusual than mine. 

Odd behaviours, learning and memory are part 

of the repertoire in this strange disease of the brain.

**Brain health is important:

One in 26 people will be diagnosed 

with epilepsy in their lifetime.

“Epilepsy won’t stop you; you just need to find a way to work with it.

~ University of Aberdeen,

(From Epilepsy Scotland)

Found in the Clutter

 

“A diagnosis is important 

but it is not a person……..”

Exciting words scribbled

on a note left midst clutter

 ~ an anchor in my life. 

Diagnoses tucked neatly 

into a fold of my brain, 

while my vertebrae curve

And life goes on whether 

or not I fret and worry…

gratitude keeps me upright and calm

“[A] person is so much more than the name of a diagnosis on a chart.”

 ~ SharonM. Draper, educator

All in a Day's Work

There was no way to know 

what would happen in the day 

but I knew that whatever it was 

I would pick up that one thread;

weave it into morning, 

     then afternoon 

        until time for bed. 

That one thread begins with 

rubbing my eyes and stretching. 

All the to do things, in their patient way, 

wait quietly for me to engage brain with body.

On this day, no need to rush, except 

to put the kettle on for tea. 

The evening will end as quietly, 

the tea things put away, 

groceries set in cupboard and fridge,

the last piece of chocolate cake eaten, 

and my thoughts gathered in this poem.

“Don’t let the good days get to your head,

 and don’t let the bad days get to your heart.”

~ Caroline Ghosn, businesswoman

Just One Word

One thing 

that’s all I want 

one thing 

one word 

one idea 

to get me started 

so the flow slips through 

the nerves and sinews of my arms 

from the few of pounds of my brain. 

The organ that is not a muscle 

but an idea, emotion, movement central. 

Programmed from birth with 

DNA and RNA and sparks of life 

so that we can move through our lives

 ~ in a very literal sense.

“The best tip for writing is just to write; to sit down and write, 

to begin doing it and not to be scared by the blank page.”

~ David Almond, author

Step Away

Searching my brain for words 

only tangled vines and dusty windows

were behind my eyes 

so I walked and walked to clear my head, and breathed deep of autumn air ~ tangled vines stirred gently

scrolling words on dusty glass.

“Distance has the same effect on the mind as on the eye.”

~ Samuel Johnson, the History of Rasselas, Prince of Abissinia

Unexpectedly

Quite unexpectedly, it’s been a busy morning and into the afternoon. I did have a plan. However, the best laid plans………Getting this post written and posted much earlier would have been preferable. Yesterday, I got out for a walk with a friend ~ good social distancing while we were out. Coffee shops were still open for take out’s only, so we did get coffee. We enjoyed this bit of normalcy. Before setting out, I did point out the Wren’s nest to my friend. It is impossible to see from the sidewalk so we had to approach it carefully by stepping onto the wide lawn, not getting too close has we would have received a severe chittering. 

Today the House Wren is still busy with his construction. Most of it seems to be interior work right now. It’s a bit cloudy and a much cooler day so I wasn’t certain how active the wrens would be. The male hasn’t got his winged supervisor present today ~ at least I haven’t seen her. Only at my desk now for about ten minutes, I suspect I’ve missed many comings and goings. I have seen one of the hummingbirds zip through the shrub. No stopping for a sip of nectar today. 

Why was I busy? Emails to family and friends, texts messaging (also to family), FaceTime (great chat with my son) and ironing. I know that ironing isn’t a preferred activity for many, but I enjoy it for a couple of reasons. It’s actually pretty mindless for tea towels and napkins, but for shirts and pants it actually helps me with focus.Regardless, it slows my very busy brain down. The other reason is that I like the feeling that smoothness gives to a garment. And all the while that I was busy, listening to Michael Enright on the Sunday Edition. All except my FaceTime visit. My last bit? Rice pudding in the slow cooker. I really want some kind of dessert.

All this is trivia but it is so important that we keep a semblance of normalcy in our homes while we are supporting our country with social distancing or any needed social isolation. Watching the birds and squirrels, and sometimes deer is greatly enhanced from a distance. Seeing outside of ourselves to the natural world shows us many lives being lived. Always from a distance. 

Take care everyone!

“I imagine a line, a white line, painted on 

the sand and on the ocean, from me to you.”

Jonathan Safran Foer, Everything is 

Illuminated.

*Just as I was finishing up this post, this deer stopped by for a little graze beneath my House Wren bush.

The UnKnown

I’m not going to sugar coat this. I am scared. Not all the time. When the fright seems to have passed, it really has moved very quietly to the farthest reaches at the back of the oldest part my brain. I believe that’s better known as the lizard brain. The part of the human brain that acts on survival instinct rather than reason. Lizards are really very beautiful critters. Their dappled and very thick skin. Big, blinking eyes. A wide mouth that almost seems to grin. I rather like them. But they, like many animals, act only on instinct. I like reason. I want to know the why of things. How can I work with something or should I set it aside? But that’s not the lizard brain thing. When lizard brain takes over then it seems time to hibernate, to dash away from real or perceived danger. The really sneaky part of that lizard brain ~ while I am asleep it creeps forward and greets me in the morning.

To counter that, there are strategies that so many others have taught me. Some of those people have left this earth, many are still in this viral thing with me, just as your family and friends are in this viral thing with you. Changing the silence in my home has always been a good thing ~ CBC and Michael Enright podcast Sunday Morning; Mary Hynes on Tapestry ~ an interview with Rabbi Kushner; contacting family and friends to know how they are coping……..any form of electronic connection. So many other activities popped up in my email basket. All of them respecting social distancing or self isolation. Walking in the sunshine this morning, cooking, cleaning, reading, viewing a history/documentary site on YouTube…….

Born and raised on a farm five miles from my hometown, we were isolated to a degree, when I was growing up. We were distanced from community but it was always accessible ~ even if it was to go to school. That was normal. Once living in the city, community has been all around us. We have coffee shops for visiting; restaurants for sharing meals ~ or someone else’s cooking; libraries with hundreds if not thousand of books. Now we are being asked, strongly asked, to distance or isolate from each other. And with very good reason. The transmission of this viral thing could very likely make us all very ill if we let it go unchecked.

So. What am I afraid of?  Not knowing past this minute. Or. What am I grateful for? So many things and people. For each of us it will be different given our life situation. For now, I have a clean refrigerator (that’s one thing I did this morning) with food to be cooked, a roof over my head, family and friends at a touch of this keyboard. Rabbi Kushner says that it’s not the situation but how we respond to the situation. Bless all of you out there in this crazy old world!

“Scared is what you’re feeling. Brave is what you’re doing.”

~ Emma Donoghue, Room

No Connection

OK Fingers ~

tell me what to do.

Send messages streaming from 

my brain, my heart, or soul. Profound or not ~ its not real depth I’m seeking,

but only words to print and send into a crowded, cloudy ether.

Well, Fingers ~

Seems you’ve missed the boat ~

no messages worth the work.

The circuit to my inner self

has no connection to my digits.

The words, definitely not profound ~

meaningless except to say that 

the cloud is crowded more today.

“Pages and pages and pages with words all over the pages. 

My goodness, what fun. What fun to write whatever words occur.”

~ Jonah Winter, Gertrude is Gertrude is Gertrude is Gertrude