From the Inside

 

A narrowed life from the outside 

~ from the inside a broad expanse

 

of story and imagination; 

 of chatter and discussion, 

  of viewing the world as it is 

~ always a new direction 

for mind and feet to travel.

“What lies behind you and what lies in front of you, 

pales in comparison to what lies inside of you.”

~ Ralph Waldo Emerson, 

philosopher, poet and essayist

(1803 ~ 1882)

Speed Limits

How many crossroads are there in a day? Being a prairie farm girl where gravel roads are straight and long, I completely missed all the twenty four hour crossroads I keep tripping over. The twists and turns that feel like city streets of stop and go and one way only. 

In the previous world of uniforms and stethoscopes, 

it was as it should be. Get your roller skates on and 

watch for pedestrians whether a patient or doctor. 

Just keep moving with an eight hour momentum, 

and keep one eye on the clock. When you put 

your feet up at home, pick up what is supposed 

to be slowed down, but every nerve and muscle 

in your body is still racing to get some work done.

In a retirement world, momentum is yours to play 

with. Just wake up in the morning and look at your

calendar with all its little boxes. Now is the hard part. 

Make your own decisions. It might be to keep your 

slippers and robe on, read a book or work on a project 

of your own choosing. Decide which road to take, 

no limit on speed. With the comforts of home at the 

setting of the sun, the only decision is how to greet them.

“Momentum? Momentum is the next day’s starting pitcher.”

~ Earl Weaver, Baseball Player

(August 1930 - January 2013)

Fences

Some see fences as barriers. Stop. 

No trespassing. Keep out. I see them 

a little differently. In life, we all need 

some sort of fencing within us, if only 

to keep out those who will trespass in 

our minds. Take up residence without 

permission. Some of my strongest fences 

are about the relationship I have with epilepsy. These fences are limits to how I can proceed in life. They can be ignored and allowed to fall into disrepair, but that will not keep epilepsy contained. It will be  allowed to crash right through and lay waste to all the life around me. Right now the voice of epilepsy is silent, but reminds me that my limits ~ my fences ~ need to be reinforced.

“Don’t ever take a fence down until you know why it was put up.”

~ Robert Frost

Limitless

“Recognizing limits 

by testing abilities

cuts through the chatter of

I can’t. I shouldn’t. 

It opens the door to

how can I? 

and why not?

“I choose not to place “DIS” in my ability.”

~ Robert M. Hensel, author

A Future Theme Just for June ~ FUTURE~ Theme for June 2023

Felix the Cat wanted nothing……

“Until we know where……..

There is always a horizon…….

Usually a proper walk is……..

Recognizing limits……..

Emelina cleaned…….

“Real generosity toward the future lies in giving all to the present.”

~ Albert Camus, Notebooks 1935-1942

Taking a Break ~ 2

There’s a funny thing about the routines we have at home. They only seem to exist at home. Sticky little things that tag along in our suitcases and in our minds. When we go away, even if we take our ideas and ordinary things on a trip ~ long or short ~ they are out of place. Their place has been left behind in the structure we’ve created for ourselves within our own four walls. I can hear many voices, including my own, saying: “You’re on kind of a holiday. Leave home at home.” I do have trouble with that to a degree. First of all I take medication. That is one routine that should not be sidelined, whatever the holiday or vacation or 'away from home' time is. Being away from any health care team, besides not being able to enjoy a new environment, can create another set of problems that have nothing to do with fun.

Medication aside, some of our routines, rituals or habits can be integral to what we enjoy doing. I have learned to allow the timing to be flexible. Make the time used shorter. In regards to my blog entries, I find new topics for writing. That would be true for any artistic endeavour. And of course there is getting some created in advance so a quick click of my finger will post the prepared written work. There are many solutions individual to each person and situation. But there can be some guidelines:

1. Be flexible. 
2. Enjoy wherever you are.
3. Eat different food
4. Don’t have too many guidelines ~ or any at all

Today I’ve watched talk shows, the news and taken my grand-dog, Eva, for two walks. The second one was pretty short! Neither of us was happy about the cold rain soaking us. We squeaked inside the door, and towelled off before the wet and mud could get through the house. Paws wiped, raincoats (Eva’s and mine) hung to dry, my shoes left at the door we settled once more. Eva to her bed on the floor and me on the couch with the TV remote close at hand. When one is retired, there is seldom an official ‘vacation’ time, so any time……….Excuse me, lunch time……..

An hour (or maybe more) later ~ Pardon me. I took a break for some hot soup, a sandwich, texting with my son. I have to get back to the TV or a nap or both. 

“Almost everything will work again if you 

unplug it for a few minutes…..including you.”

~ Ann Lamott

Slippage

Slipping out of our comfort zones 

sometimes feels like

stepping on a banana peel 

landing hard

ego bruised with embarrassment,

taking a deep breath

wiping any stray tears away

(but there’s never any tears)

standing tall - or at least tallish -

peering into a new world.

We are, after all, resilient,

able to set one foot after the other

to find the intrigue and mystery

of exploring our own limits

finding a world more than we have ever known.

“A man grows most tired while standing still.”

~ A Chinese Proverb

Ledges

Pushed to limits of 

    what I know

       what might be right    

          what might grow

            what can be beautiful

All the should’s and should be’s

Advice and judgements

Words scrambling in my head

Vying for the teeniest, tiniest ledge 

Even just to begin to create

Accepting that I really don’t know everything

(often very little)

But I do know many somethings 

     that I do know

       that might be right    

          that might grow

            that can be beautiful

And what I do know is those teeniest, tiniest of ledges

It’s just finding them that’s hard!

“The garden of the world has no limits, except in your mind.”

~ Rumi

In Praise of Limits

Praising limits?
Really?
Yes.
Praising a life well lived ~
But limited
Only by my imagination
Limits set by epilepsy
Or not by epilepsy but 
Limits set by my chosen management of epilepsy
A condition that, for me, is not actually very severe
‘Easily treated’ my neurologist tells me
And it is
It is not fragile or brittle 
But it is there.
Not just in my head but in my brain.
Not just an idea but a reality
I could live outside of the limits
And it would be a gamble
Would I enjoy my day or
Would my day be blurred and forgotten
Because of a seizure (fancy name: tonic/clonic)
A seizure that occurred because 
I wanted to push limits in the wrong direction.

“Once you see the boundaries of your environment, 

they are no longer the boundaries of your environment.

~ Marshall McLuhan

Some Final Words about Epilepsy

Epilepsy is not a final blow to one’s self
It can be a building block for developing one’s self.

Accepting the presence of this disorder,
allows work and play despite changes and challenges.

Accepting boundaries and limits set by this disorder
defines actions for healthy living.

Epilepsy can be fatal, destructive and tear down lives,
    but not necessarily:

Some historical figures with epilepsy are:
Alexander the Great (356-323BC)
Aristotle (384BC-322BC)
Alfred the Great (849-899)
Alfred, Lord Tennyson (1809 - 1892)
Vincent van Gogh (1853 - 1890)
Charles Dickens (1812 - 1870)
Alfred Nobel (1833 - 1896)
Edgar Allen Poe (1809 - 1849)
Gustave Flaubert (1821 - 1880)
Fyodor Dostoevsky (1821 - 1881)
Lewis Carroll (1832 - 1898)
Theodore Roosevelt (1858 - 1919)
Bud Abbott (1895 - 1974)
Richard Burton 1925 - 1084)

“I want people with epilepsy to know that there are ways 

in which they can play a role in their own recovery. 

It’s all in how they approach what is happening and 

how they can use that as a catalyst for their growth. 

If there’s one thing that I’ve learned, it’s that people are 

willing to embrace you if you share your story.”

~ Danny Glover 

(diagnosed with epilepsy as a child but grew out of it.)

Excuses vs Reasons

Excuses come with glancing eyes,

to prove an action right

but have an air of flimsiness

quite ready to take flight.

Excuses: breathy strings of chatter and talk. Explanations cloaked in shame or guilt; close inspection sees through the muddy silt.

Reasons are built on logic.

Making sense of things is key.

They rest on facts both cut and dried,

solid meaning their decree.

So live inside your limits

but respect them all the same.

Epilepsy ~ a convenient excuse,

but reason plays the game.

“Hold yourself responsible for a higher standard than 

anyone else expects of you. Never excuse yourself.”

~ Henry Ward Beecher

Author's note: Edited July 25, 2024

Limiting Gestation

Not my back yard,
but down the alley from me.

Musing about limits these past few days, here's just a few thoughts.

Someone - can’t think who right now - says that limits are, well, limiting.

All of us try to live within the limits of

budget 

health

employment

speed laws!

I could go on but there is not enough room on this page to list all of life’s limits.

So what do I think about limits?

Limits can be an advantage whether

fixed,

moveable

or both

In the real world of the everyday

but imagination is where it gets really exciting.....

Now, that is where limits are malleable

and I get to set them inside that world.

Writing on a work day is a short bit in the morning

and then this late afternoon into early evening time where I peck out

an opinion piece like this, 

polish a story, 

scribble a bit of poetry

The limits are only

time at my disposal and

ink in my pen

paper of any kind

power for my computer

all of the ideas, thoughts and stories planted

in the morning for the evening’s harvest.

On days off, the time for my writing practice, 

while more expansive

is chopped up into little bits or

sliced off in larger slabs

And, over time, my body memory has it written that 

something will flow at about this time

and so it does - for better or for worse.

Limits tell me when to focus and how quickly

Limits encourage imagination to 

flow like an open faucet or 

rest and gestate while other work is being done.

“The world of reality has it’s limits; 

the world of imagination is boundless.”

~ Jean-Jacques Rousseau