Review, Revision, Edit and Update
Dialogue between two characters should show the relationship between them. In my review of Heading Home, I paid attention to this quality between newlyweds, Jeremy Crawford and Emelina Beaufort.
There were some minor typos to be fixed and some sentence structure improved for clarity. When the sentence structure did involve dialogue, I hopefully maintained the specific character's personality.
Heading Home
“So where are we going to live?” Emelina leaned against the rail of the ferry looking out over the water. The newlyweds were on their way home. “We hadn’t really thought of that, did we Mrs. Crawford?” His back to the strait, Jeremy leaned casually against the rail, examining the ferry’s construction.
“No, Dr. Crawford we didn’t. We just packed up and took off like two irresponsible teenagers. Only making sure we had our food - thanks to Cook. I’ll have to apologize to her for our little white lie. I hope Dez told everyone what we’ve done. But where are we going to live?”
“Well, Em, we’ve got choices. My apartment - it’s pretty small, but you could have my meals all ready for me every night - or make me lunches when I'm on the night shift. Of course we could live out at the Estate and Cook could deliver our meals to us in our dining room. You know - china, crystal.” Emelina turned slowly, shading her eyes against the sun her face drawn. “You almost sound like to mean it, but I hope you have a third option. Serious or not, I am so sorry we haven't talked about this. What are we going to do?”
“Buy a house on the other side of town? Away from everything - except then you’d have to clean the house, do all the cooking - I’m sure Digby and his crew could manage without you.” Jeremy burst out laughing. “I can’t keep it up!”
“Jeremy Crawford, you’re teasing me! I’ve half a mind to divorce you right here and now. You have no idea where or what we’re going to do.” Emelina tried her best to look angry and was going to stomp away from her husband, but failed miserably, joining Jeremy in laughter. Their exuberance drew odd looks from other ferry passengers.
“Actually, I have given it a lot of thought, Em. Seriously. I’ll keep my apartment in town and you’ll stay out at the Estate.” It had been all well and good to elope. Fun and such a release, but playing in the back of his mind was the blasted pandemic. New variants popping up in other countries, case counts still too high and too many of his colleagues were burning out.
“But Jeremy, I suppose it makes sense, but I’m not sure how. Let’s go into the buffet and see if there’s anything left to eat. We can talk it over there.”
~~~~~
“We’re just about to close. There’s a few deserts left and the coffee hasn’t been emptied yet. Help yourself. I won’t charge you anything for our few leftovers.” There were few stragglers still in the buffet but most had left, leaving quite a choice for Jeremy and Emelina. Taking coffee and some cookies to a window table, they sat quietly for a few minutes. Jeremy seemed lost in thought. “Jeremy? You’re worried about something. What is it?”
“Em, I work on the Covid unit at the hospital. For a while things seemed to be getting better but the case counts are up again. I can’t expose you or anyone else at the Estate to what I bring home every night.” He looked out at the water then back at Emelina. “We just can’t live together til all this is over, Em.”
“Ok, I understand that. So all we have to do is find the solution. Or. I might have to divorce you and we’ve just been on an adventure. We’ll never see each again.” Jeremy’s head slowly came up, his eyes troubled. “Really? Do you mean that?”
“Of course I don’t mean that! That was just pay back - you didn’t really think I was serious?” Emelina smiled. “Yes. Keep your apartment. Stay there for the length of your shifts. And you’ll have to keep it a lot cleaner and tidier than you have been, because I’ll be in there when you’re at work to make a meal for you. I’ll leave before you get home. With your schedule there are times when you have about four days off. You can come out to the Estate, Cook can feed you properly and you can get some real sleep. I might even sleep with you, if you’re nice to me.”
“So we just keep doing what we’ve been doing with a bit more interest?” Jeremy’s face relaxed and he sat back in his chair. “What will everyone at the Estate think about it?”
“Well, we’ll just follow all the restrictions that Dr. Henry has laid out. We’ll be one big bubble out there. You live alone, so can join our bubble. I think there’s a limit on the number of people in each house, but we have a schedule already for that. We’ll figure it out Jeremy, as long as we’re together and right now we are.
~~~~~
Meanwhile, at the Estate, Martha had Joey Tucker out to clean the upstairs as though it had hadn’t cleaned for years. She had him take down all the curtains and sent them to the cleaners, wash the walls, polish the floors and clean furniture. Sheets and blankets were all cleaned and the beds made up. He was quite happy with his paycheque.
“Now. The china, crystal and cutlery - I’ll take care of that myself. I don’t want to disturb Sarah ~ although that little ghost has probably been watching Joey. Elizabeth!? - Is that the tea kettle I hear?”
“Yes, Martha. Come down, I’ve got fresh scones. You can tell me everything that’s left to do up there, how you've sorted everything and when you think they’ll be home.”
“In the space, the pause between this breath and
the one that follows, you have made a home inside me.”
~ Tyler Knott Gregson
An hour long event each day for four days, I was introduced to the Saskatchewan Writer’s Guild (SWG). Writing North 11: Sheltering in Place, Dwelling in Words was the theme of this very interesting virtual event. The importance of books and reading in this time of distancing and separation was discussed by the speakers, each with a varied focus. Each speaker gave this novice writer great information and ideas. All of the events were recorded and are on the Saskatchewan Writers’ Guild Youtube channel
