Spinning A Yarn

Spinning A Yarn

I often saw Joe and Bill sitting on the same park bench that looked out on the old stone bridge each time I walked through the park. Most times, I didn’t hear any of their conversation. Today, the afternoon was so calm and clear that I decided to lie on the grass before they had arrived. Watching strands and puffs of white cloud drift by, my eyes closed, shaded against summer sunshine by my wide brimmed sunhat. I was enjoying the warm summer's day. Their voices drifted closer as they reached their favourite park bench.

We all lived in the same condo complex only two blocks from that part of the park. Joe and his wife were on the fifth floor, Bill and his wife on the seventh floor and I was in the middle on the sixth floor. I was aware of their decades long friendship, that they retired about the same time, and one afternoon a week went lawn bowling in the summer. That was only a tiny part of their routine. Each day of the week had some other activity - the Legion, bridge, line dancing with their wives, shuffle board at the Senior’s center and volunteering at the local soup kitchen. I had gotten to know many of their stories, but what I was to learn next disturbed me. I suppose I should have said something but was too drowsy to move.

~~~~~

“Shh.... don’t wake her up.  We’ll just visit quietly.”

“OK.  Did you see those druggies at the soup kitchen today?  I’m sure I saw a deal go down right after those two ragged, rough looking guys sat at their table.”

“I sure did - and the women! All painted up and tarted up! They were sure getting their’s for free. I’d bet on that one and one other - they’re all addicts that we deal with.”

“Say - did you get to the pharmacy today? I missed going and I’m out of those painkillers the doc’s got me on. I’m sure he’s not giving me enough. They just don’t work like they used to.”

“No, and I may not have to this week. I’ve got what you need right here. You can pay me later.”

“How come? Is your back better? I know you have to take something so you can bowl and dance.”

“Let’s just say I have a friend that can supply me with the same pain killers whenever I need them. I’m not going to tell you anything more, because I don’t want to get this friend in trouble.”

“Well you tell your friend ‘thank you’ for me cause I sure didn’t know how I was going to sleep tonight.”

“What time is it? Aren’t we meeting the women at the coffee shop and then going out to supper?”

“Fiddlesticks! We’re going to be late - let’s skedaddle and leave that young lady to her nap.”

“Once you label me you negate me.”

~ Soren Kierkegaard

Out of the Cage

Active addictions ~ a squirrel cage with a locked door.

Relapsing addictions ~ a squirrel cage with a swinging door.

Active recovery from any addiction ~ climbing a tree.

“I kind of entered a flow state. I’ve been there before 

while climbing. You are not thinking ahead. You are just 

thinking about what is in front of you each second.”

~ Aron Ralston

When

When cell phone towers are down ~

communications are disjointed and disconnected.

When brown outs occur ~

electricity to our homes and businesses darken and grow cold.

When floods rage through our communities ~

the stuff of life is drowned, soiled and damaged.

When addiction is denied and allowed to go unchecked ~

communication is disjointed and disconnected

spirit darkens and grows cold ~ or rages out of control

the stuff of life is drowned, soiled and damaged.

When there is recovery from addiction

communication can be restored

spirit can glow brightly once more

the stuff of life can be reclaimed, cleaned up and repaired

Whether we deny responsibility for 

addictions care or community infrastructures

individuals, families and communities are in jeopardy.

“Another way to lose control is to ignore

something when you should address it.”

~ Jim Evans

It's Only a Play

Time: noon

Place: a detox centre in an unknown city

He asked:  Where do all these people come from?

She said:  For a disease that is never discussed there sure are a lot of people with this disease of addiction!

(cue laughter)

(fade to black)

“Theater is, of course, a reflection of life. Maybe we have to 

improve life before we can hope to improve theater.”

~ William Ralph Inge

Unleashed

An addiction theme, I thought to myself ~ to share what little I know about another chronic disease.

Using words of others that have gone before who taught lessons learned in the hardest of schools.

Siblings, parents, relatives and friends, and so many others, who only wanted to be normal, have died of this disease of addiction.

Each day, professionals care for folks that are caught,

that want out of a trap that they have come to know, love and hate.

I wonder ~ why do any of us try each day to beat back

a disease that we may never know from the inside?

Because each day ~ there is one ~ or maybe there’s two ~ or more

that say to us ‘I need help’ as though their needs we surely will know.

In our care are folks we have known for many a passing year,

at the beginning and sometimes through each relapse, each time struggling to stand.

If there was a wall of names to honour those that have gone before,

how wide and tall and long would it have to be?

What is this ‘disease’ that we speak of?

It is not in a bottle, a needle, a powder, or a ‘funny cigarette.

This ‘disease’ is in our very brains, bodies and souls.

The substance merely unleashes deep devastation.

“It’s probably weird to think about an addiction like it’s a sentient being,

but that’s how it feels. Like it’s something living inside you. Something

you can’t get rid of because killing it means killing you.”

~ Ellen Hopkins, Identical

Finding Recovery

Recovery of what?

When to start?

Where to start?

What should be done first?

Will the ‘next right thing’ come naturally?

Putting down 

drugs and alcohol

prescriptions, and betting forms

ice cream and credit cards

easy for

a few minutes,

a few hours

even a day

but every day?

forever!?

They have consumed a whole life time

until they are the only focus

until nothing else visible to heart and mind

Always 

searching and planning

scouting and scoring

dreaming and scheming

Others always talking ~

telling and crying

screaming and cajoling

silent and cold

speaking frantically of ruin ~

lives of family and children

shattered hopes and dreams

They were fools to say such things and talk of addiction

until one day long after many forced tries to change

tiredness swept longings away

sickness of body and soul opened eyes shut tight

just long enough for a frightening glimpse of reality.

Recovery of what?

When to start?

Where to start?

What should be done first?

Will the ‘next right thing’ come naturally?

“People create their own questions because 
they are afraid to look straight. All you have to do

is look straight and see the road, and when you see it, 
don’t sit looking at it ~ walk.”

~ Ayn Rand

An Up Side

If there is an up side to Addiction ~ it is recovery

Recovery of health

mental and emotional

physical and spiritual

Recovery is ~ these human facets

each woven together creating a strong suit of chain mail

surrounding and supporting an individual while

picking up the shattered and scattered pieces of life

mending relationships that seemed past mending 

learning to let go of those relationships long past any mending

developing community with family and often new friends

building and rebuilding from the inside out.

Recovery is sometimes accompanied by relapse

renewing old feelings of shame, guilt and remorse

having a more solid foundation of changed

attitudes and behaviours

physical health and spirit.

Mistakes made are lessons learned

Trips and slips ~ signs that construction is still needed

Is recovery easy?

Habits of a life time compounded by substance affected learning and living die slow and painful deaths

Qualities hidden in the years of abuse of substance, person and relationship grow slowly as the soil of a life is weeded, watered and nurtured.

Is recovery found alone?

The lessons of recovery offered by friends, family and professionals

are merely supports throughout recovery.

Recovery is as personal and profound as active addiction has been.

“One must not forget that recovery is brought about not by the physician, but by the sick man himself.  He heals himself, by his own power, exactly as he walks by means of his own power, or eats, or thinks, breathes or sleeps."

~ Georg Groddeck