Downward Flows a River

when soil of life muddies and stagnates

with grief, or sorrow, 

pain, or anger ~

any number of unpleasant events

soul and spirit shrink away

so only motions of living remain

brightened with tiny sparkles of joy and laughter

joys that babies and children bring,

celebrations and ceremonies

then hesitating, halting and pausing in downward transition.

Confidence and curiosity

become apathy and disinterest

Positive attitudes reshaped into negative attitudes.

while life marches onward

At the bottom ~ and for each it is different

all it takes is one step up

and then one more

one hand to hold and then one more

until downward flow 

plateaus and transitions

to find a new course and

climb out of the muck of unpleasantness

into growing confidence and curiosity

positive attitudes and inner strength.

“Your mind simply can’t focus forward and

downward all at the same time.”

~ Daryn Kagan

Rapid Transit

Deep sleep to wide awake

barely ready to hit the ground running

a rapid transit shock into action 

by insistent bzzbzzbzz of a radio clock.

Nightmarish dreams filled with bizarre images 

shocked to an end of a restless feverish night.

Flinging oneself suddenly into a work day

carries nighttime anxiety over

into daytime without time to breathe.

“There’s no advantage to hurrying through life.”

~ Shikamaru Nara-Masashi Kishimoto

Transition

Transition ~ such a gentle word.

Flow through softened time

brings newness and change.

Change is often uncomfortable.

Transition, thoughtful action,

allows acceptance to enter in.

Transition ~ reflective and open

to present circumstance of 

surroundings and person.

Resisting transition ~ resists opportunity

Flow stagnates and dries up

leaving no room for growth.

“Nothing is secure but life, transition, the energizing spirit.”

~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

A Questionable Dilemma

Broom, dustpan and mop are tucked neatly away.

Living room rug rolled up for another day.

What's to be done from this messy month of word play?

Ideas, opinions and stories were told.

The topic was often decidedly old.

‘Addiction’ spoken loud in tones that were bold!

Now those that are active in this dread disease

are not necessarily the easiest folks, if you please.

'Buck up', 'Just say no' ~ could be said with great ease!

Help, if it’s offered, is oft turned away.

‘There’s nothing wrong with me on any old day.’

So why should we help problems that always will stay.

No logical answer to a dilemma with grog.

And why do some folks look after a Jane or a Bob.

Are we dimwitted, saints, or just need a job?

There is gratitude, laughter when the fog lifts.

Real headings are set with some shaking of fists.

It could be that one family member is missed.

Grandkids, grandparents, moms, and dads enter our doors,

Aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews in numbers galore.

Our work is help for one part of a family ~ nothing more.

(p.s. - family dynamics of addictions - in active addiction or in active recovery can be pretty messy..........)

“One of the things I strive for is realism.  I need to be 

as real as possible in the dilemmas my characters face.”

~ Tamora Pierce

Possibility in Small Steps

Abusing alcohol or drugs ~

the only injured parties at the party?

Extended abuse

takes the fun out of the party

at least deep inside, 

where no one else sees or feels

Abuse sneaks over the line

into addiction when

no one is looking

the world is too loud

wounds raw and tender scrape open

Body, mind and spirit split quietly apart

with liquid courage or magic powders

fortified by images of good times.

When abuse or active addiction stops

bruising and bleeding not so quietly heal.

If the world is still too loud

staying stopped almost impossible.

When abuse or active addiction stops

staying stopped becomes possible with tiny pieces of

intention, commitment and faith in the moment

learning, action and belief in each uncertain step

“There is a thin line between the impossible 

and the possible ~ that is determination.”

~ Ogwo David Emenike

Hidden in Plain Sight ~ 1

What more can I say about addiction?

Addiction is a disease.

Nope, I’ve already said that.

Addiction is a relapsing disease.

Nope, I’ve already said that too.

Addiction is severely stigmatized.

Nope ~ said that too.

Active addiction is only recognized when behaviour becomes socially unacceptable.

I may have missed that one.....hmmmmmm

Active addiction is hidden behind closed doors

easy to hide

easy to ignore

excluded from conversation.

No one else's business yet recognized with scorn ~

many, many glittering and very empty bottles in the trash

needles and syringes in yards, on sidewalks

medication cabinets filled with pills ~

most of them addictive or at least with ‘substance abuse potential’

pale, tired children ~ active addiction overrides maternal and paternal instincts

regular visits from police

Or

hidden in

a perfectly normal, well cared for home and family

all bills paid on time

employment steady and a career built

Tension unfelt and unrecognized by the outside world

There are marathons for heart disease and cancer.

Walks and fund raising drives for every one else’s disease

but addiction ~ This one is the responsibility of the individual and the family (if there still is a family) that must

jump through society’s hoops to get much needed and asked for care.

“Why can’t you keep him/her there?” 

An oft heard and desperate plea from a 

wife or husband, 

parent, sibling or child.  

People cannot be committed for too much alcohol or drug abuse

Nor should they be committed.

Bureaucracy for accessing treatment programs is massive

needs a clear mind

steady sense of focus and intent

patience and ability to tolerate society’s attitudes.

What more is there to say?

“Stuff that’s hidden and murky and ambiguous is scary

because you don’t know what it does.”

~ Jerry Garcia

Expectations

Cleaning up today

in the kitchen

drawers and cupboards

with time will need

cleaning up again.

Someone with addiction may have that problem ~ cleaning up more than once, I mean,

cleaning up comes with an expectation ~

once cleaning up has been done ~ it’s done.

Never having to be redone ~ ever.

If a relapse should occur

some may see it as 

a mortal sin

a failing

or desperate fear may flood

a spouse or sibling

son or daughter

grandparent, aunt or uncle

If the relapse

becomes just like previous times of

drunkenness and violence

jails and hospitals

expectations shift rapidly downward.

If the relapse is just 

one drink, maybe one joint, or just a couple of pills 

or maybe smoking just a hit of heroin instead of mainlining

It’s ok! Isn’t it?

An old saying in the addiction world:

one drink is too many

a thousand isn’t enough.

(That goes for drugs too.)

“Expectations are dangerous when they are both too high and unformed.”

~ Lionel Shriver, We Need to Talk about Kevin”