Forces of Change

We all take the bits and pieces of ideas that others discuss sometimes tasting whole chunks. Sometimes we will try something out to see how it works in our life. If it doesn’t work the way it was envisioned, it gets discarded. Or we just get bored with a ‘brilliant’ idea that turned out to be only ‘brilliant’ at the time. David Cain, a Winnipeg writer and blogger (raptitude.com), discussed his idea for the year of 2018 of going deeper not wider in daily life. His initial suggestion was to not buy anything new which tweaked my interest. Any of his ideas and previous experiments could have fit into the categories I mentioned. In January for 2018, I tried Depth Year on for my own life, being unaware of the emotions that would be stirred as I proceeded. It started out with not buying anything new. It was a success for the most part, but the feelings it engendered without the newness were feelings of deprivation and poverty. Very uncomfortable and frightening at a time when I was contemplating retirement. I was not looking forward to the very scary, and for some all too real, ‘bag lady’ image. But, I had made a commitment to try this Depth Year and make it a good try, not one to toss away as soon as the emotional going got a bit tough. At the same time, I also gave myself permission to back off and out if I truly believed it would not be a good fit for me.

The success of this little experiment has been felt in nuances and colour. The most important has been attitude shifts about how and why to proceed in daily life. Important enough to extend this little experiment into 2019. To keep looking in depth into my life. Should something scary pop up at me like a mischievous jack-in-the-box, stop and really look at what reality has to say. This New Year of 2019 has no clairvoyance to it. Merely projections and what if’s countered by hopes and dreams. Threats of doom and gloom balanced by personal courage, wisdom and the will to live wholesome lives. At this years end, I believe in the possibility of renewed and growing lives. Only with each step that we take, will we provide 2019 with success, not necessarily in dollars and cents, but laughter, learning and sometimes crying. Maybe a little luck, some magic or some other unseen force helps life move along just when we have given up. Being patient while the magic happens is key, along with hope, faith and belief in life and love.

“May the force be with you.”

~ George Lucas, Starwars

Chance or Choice ~ 1

I’m in the midst of cleaning my oven. Actually I just wiped it out a bit, set the racks aside, closed the door and pressed a couple of sensors on the control panel. The door locked and the three hour cleaning cycle began. Sounds like I’m in the cockpit of some kind of flying machine, not in my own kitchen.  

Friday afternoon, I was in a large chain grocery store to purchase my bus pass for January, 2019. I was standing behind a man who was very disheveled, seriously needed clean clothes and proper shoes rather than dirty bedroom slippers. I had seen this gentleman several times over the last many months of taking the bus. His purchases were small, but he didn’t have the extra forty cents to complete the transaction.

This is the disparity of my world and the worlds of many others. There are many layers of society between, above and below. There are just as many reasons for the places we each find ourselves. We can be judgmental - as my private mind was - as I tried not to breathe as I stood behind him. Or as I saw that his purchase was the cheapest, smallest package of cigarettes that was available. We can be patient with those who are in obviously unfortunate circumstances. We can be charitable in sharing our own good fortune. Or we can stay judgemental and angry, impatient with the store for letting ‘such people’ in the doors. 

Compassion, not pity, but genuine compassion seems one wise choice for a response. Compassion may only be in our silent, private minds because many of us don’t know what to do about deprivation. Gratitude is another response. Gratitude for our own level of privilege is another wise choice that provides a good accompaniment to compassion. That response may encourage us to spend what little we may have, whether in time volunteering or in donations as simple as some change in a cup or a hat. 

“No man was ever wise by chance.”

~ Lucius Annaeus Seneca

Rain or Snow

On this very naturally wet and gray day with the electronic fireplace ‘burning’,

wrapped in sweaters, slippers and blankets

I am warm, cosy and content.

On a very naturally cold and snowy day with the smoky aroma of a ‘real’ fireplace burning,

wrapped in sweaters, slippers and blankets

I was also warm, cosy and content……

Whether here or there,

Today or in a far off yesteryear,

there is great wisdom in keeping to 

winter warmth, cosiness and being content.

“Appreciating what I have is my medicine.”

~ Betty Jamie Chung, Phd., Author of Life Recipes from My Mother

With Only

With only a few words,

whispered or spoken softly,

wisdom floats heart to heart.

With only a deep breath,

our attitudes soften

while beliefs grow strong.

With only a single step

our path stretches before us.

Wisdom shows us the way.

“We must be willing to let go of the life we planned 

so as to have the life that is waiting for us.”

~ Joseph Campbell

Kernels of Wisdom

Now just in case anyone thought last night’s blog post (Christmas Past) was kind of corny, you are not wrong. I watched a lot of kind of corny Christmas movies in the past couple of days. The words came to me just in that order, with a bit of an edit, but just drifted onto my keyboard. But at the same time, I believed what I wrote. There is a lot to this life that is corny. The corny stuff gets set aside, sometimes pushed aside as insignificant and unworthy of our attention. But it is no more insignificant than the bit of salt that seasons our food. So corny or not, I’ll probably keep finding such bits of wisdom in my writings and hope that they never get too corny.

“Salt is truly useful when it is used usefully, 

so are dexterity, wisdom and understanding!”

~ Ernest Agyemang Yeboah

Christmas Past

To let go of Christmas cheer

is to put away 

bright baubles, 

decorations that sparkle,

lights that twinkle 

and bells that ring

while still carrying 

the giving spirit of Christmas 

into each day to come

with wisdom and kindness.

“…simply an honest spirit of love for all humanity. 

It is the force that moves us to give what we can, 

to help as we are able, and to always be of kind comfort.”

~ Richelle E. Goodrich, Slaying Dragons

My Christmas Experiment

It was a success. And I’m stuffed and maybe a little bit wiser. Today was all about food and at the same time all about family. When I peeled the apples for an apple pie this morning, I thought of my mom and of a very dear friend. Making breakfast of sausages, eggs and bacon, I thought of my dad. Turkey preparation, my son Jason the master of the roast turkey. Cabbage rolls, my dear 'second' mom Olga and my son Jeff a mentor and mentee of cabbage roll heaven. Each food prepared had a memory connection to someone in my family so they were all here with me ~ I was just alone when it came to the eating of it all. Well, not all ~ my fridge and freezer filled up with leftovers.

There have been many times I have been afraid of memories….afraid that only the uncomfortable or sad memories will show up to cloud my day. Today, those memories were only granted seconds before I smiled into the joy when my paring knife slid smoothly beneath the apples skin. This has been a good Christmas with conversations, either by text, FaceTime or phone call, with several of my dear family members. 

(By the way - I ate butter tarts before brunch and apple pie before my turkey supper. No food rules allowed.)

“When we recall Christmas past, we usually find that the simplest things - 

not the great occasions - give off the greatest glow of happiness.”

~ Bob Hope

A Single Christmas Eve

Christmas Eve morning started with tidying my home in preparation for Christmas Day - a very wise move as my home is pretty messy after four long shifts. Once the tidying was done, a shopping trip downtown for ‘Santa Claus’ gifts was next on the agenda. Hunger drew me to the A&W in the mall for a hamburger before getting groceries for tomorrow’s Christmas Dinner. By 3:30, I was in a theatre with friends watching the movie Mary, Queen of Scots. Christmas Eve’s outing was complete with a supper of fish and chips at a local restaurant. A charming, efficient and entertaining waiter was an unexpected joy while he served us. There is more to this than just a few things to do.

Last week, I decided that this year I’d be Santa’s elf - just for me. I have some gifts to unwrap, a stocking stuffed with some little things. I’ll put an orange in the toe of the stocking just before I go to bed. I’ve never done this before with the excuse that ‘It’s just me and Christmas is for kids’. I hear that said far too many times from the many of us that are single. There are a variety of reasons that we may spend Christmas away from our families. I know I’ve felt sorry for myself many times. And pouted about no presents to open, no one to fill my stocking with treats but I would be brave (a martyr?) and just get through the Christmas times as though it were just another day.

It wasn’t just decorations and presents under the tree I missed, but the busyness of Christmas shopping, the excitement of wrapping gifts, the wonderful aromas of Christmas dinner and the whole ambience that we create for our families. When we were alone, there seemed to be a void that could not be filled. Today, I still cannot bring all my family here, and I can't get to my family. First it would be impossible as we are all scattered hither and yon with small or large families of our own. Secondly, my little home just wouldn’t accommodate everyone. I do however, have the wisdom of my memories that are always with me, whether joyful or sad. The joy always wins out over the sad.

“Christmas isn’t just a day. It’s a frame of mind.”

~ Valentine Davies, Miracle on 34th Street

Golden Threads

My first (Santa Claus) Christmas gift
designed by my brother Larry Hersberger

In the space around each of us

invisible golden threads lead to yesteryear.

Some tarnished with age and neglect

others still shine with joy and love ~

shining ever more brightly in 

the quiet wisdom of any holiday season.

“As every thread of gold is valuable, so is every moment of time.”

~ English Proverb

A Little Bit More

’Twas the week before Christmas..

My plans went awry

so I pouted and worried that

Christmas Day I’d cry

So I planned a real party ~

a Pity Party of sorts

with tears and with whining

all by myself.   

Very lacking in wisdom,

I scrapped that boring plan

and started from memory

to see if there’s fun to be had.

So I rooted around in my memory trunk

of a stocking from Santa filled with toys and with treats

of aromas of turkey, savoury dressing, scalloped potatoes and pies,

candy canes, music, reading books and a walk.

Soon Christmas Day seemed appealing

in my own cosy home,

and I’ll be my own Santa

my stocking filled with memories to come.

“Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn’t before! 

What if Christmas, he thought, doesn’t come from a store. 

What if Christmas…perhaps…means a little bit more!”

~ Dr. Seuss, How the Grinch Stole Christmas

Ensemble Laude: Glimmer - An Evening of Choral Song

On this past rainy blustery Sunday evening, I was enchanted by Ensemble Laude in their choral arrangements on the theme of Glimmer. I did question the wisdom of even going out in the bluster but was amazed by this all female choir, dressed in black and mauve. They stood tall and let their voices ring in the wonderful acoustics of the Alix Goolden Performance Hall here in Victoria. Members of the choir changed positions, including up into the balcony of this amazing 800 seat venue.

Readings interspersed throughout provided interesting interludes allowing the choir to reorganize providing their best voice and harmony as well as to allow the audience time to settle more deeply into the music and theme of Glimmer. There was limited, and understated, accompaniment for only a few of their songs. Their final songs of the evening were upbeat and energetic, ending this beautiful evening of secular choral music.

From ensemblelaude.org. :

“Ensemble Laude began in 1998 with a group of 12 singers focused solely on medieval music. It has since expanded into a vibrant community choir of over 50 vocalists. Today, our concerts offer and eclectic repertoire, mostly unaccompanied, encompassing early music, sacred and secular works, and folk and world music. We are committed to expanding choral repertoire for workmen’s voices and regularly commission new Canadian works that preserve and revitalize early-music theme within contemporary settings.”

“It took me a long time to develop a voice, and 

now that I have it, I am not going to be silent.’”

~ Madeleine Albright

Quiet Reflection

To gather oneself quietly

despite holiday jingle bells

is to breathe deeply of 

the wisdom of peace and

the spirit of good will .

“Good will, like a good name, is got by many actions, and lost by one.”

~ Lord Francis Jeffrey, 1773-1850

Traditional Memories

My gingerbread house - showing only what's best.

This essay is a first for me - not a first essay - but first to be actually written and edited on this blog page. Had things to do before sitting down to write this post. Coffee, reading, yoga and some writing. Checking bus times for getting downtown this morning. (This morning fast disappearing as I write this). There won't be much, if any Christmas shopping, but shopping for a new pair of sneakers. That is another story. What I want to visit about this morning is maintaining the Christmas atmosphere at home that I grew upon with and enjoyed as a child.

The North American culture has wisely embraced many individuals from many, many different cultures with the promise of religious freedom. Over the years, that promise has been questioned, broken, and sometimes just plain ignored. So much so that, my own personal religious freedom and that of many others were born and raised in a Christian tradition. I am no longer a practising member of any church, having developed beliefs that are consistent with the core of many religions. I have chosen not to affiliate myself with any specific church dogma.

But......and this is a big but. I still love all the Christmas music, Christmas trees and all things - except for the shopping - Christmas. Even the windows 'snowed' with wintertime scenes. I am not willing to give those things up as they connect me to a part of my past that is filled with joy, family times and really good books (The Bobbsey Twins and Nancy Drew come to mind). Fireplaces and Santa Claus. It is all labeled Christmas but the meaning of Christmas is different for everyone. In our house, I recall my dad going to pick up Grandma and Grandpa for breakfast - before church? - and the delicious breakfast of pancakes, bacon and eggs and sausage (I think) and..............

Now for my personal problem. I am and have lived on my own for many years. Christmas has been a lonely time, a time of remembering what I didn't have and many times a time of working shifts over Christmas. Actually that last has sometimes benefited me as I was with colleagues and patients all in the same boat, celebrating together in our own ways. But I digress. Tired with feeling left out and alone, my home is true to what I enjoy - and without guilt. Maybe with just a bit of passive aggressive attitude.

I put up decorations - smaller but still festive. I play Christmas music - to be more culturally correct 'seasonal' - and love it. I attend Christmas events. And there is one more thing that I was never able to do as a child that I always wanted to - I build a gingerbread house. Granted it's from a kit, but it's fun. 

I'll keep the part of this tradition that I enjoy. If I can will share in the celebrations of other religions, recognizing that the childhood memories for each of still lives.

"Tradition is not the worship of ashes, but the preservation of fire."

~ Gustav Mahler

First Re-post of: A Tiny Story from My Mantle

A Tiny Story from My Mantle

The great white owl flew silently from dry rustling grasslands barely covered with thin and worn blankets of snow all the way to the edge of a deep forest to the little evergreen tree decorated with lights and with toys. Snow filled wild wind whistled and danced around hills and rocks, through trees stripped bare of summer leaves. The old owl was always certain that gifts would be under the little tree. Gifts for the old couple that lived over the hill and down the road just past an old town that twinkled with candle light in windows trimmed with snow and icicles.

There is no reality as bright and magical as a starry moonlit night over snow covered fields. The magic of these nights and the little tree that sparkled and shone at the edge of the forest drew field mice and rabbits to discover the little tree. No one ever knew who decorated the tree each year, and no one knew who cleared the snow and placed the presents there. Children from the tiny town made forbidden forays to the edge of the Great Evergreen Forest each year just before Christmas when the moon rode full in the starry-dark night sky. Elven shadows danced and elven music drifted in the cold night air. The children were certain there were elves in the forest. They shared marvellous stories of these nights in the glittering snow. The wise old owl watched over the children on these nights filled with moonlit excitement. He spread his wings, gliding off to his nest in grasslands only when the children were all back in their homes and tucked safely in their beds.

“That’s the thing about magic; you’ve got to know it’s still here, 

all around us, or it just stays invisible for you.”

~ Charles de Lint

Book Review - Nutshell by Ian McEwen

We are each bound by our own limitations, whether broad or constricted. The narrator of this murder mystery is foetus two weeks from birth and escape from the womb. I hesitate to call it a mystery as from almost the outset of the novel, there is no mystery about who will be murdered, by whom and in what manner. Motive, as with most murders, is money and involves sex - fairly lurid sex scenes. The plotting of the murder also is accompanied by pretty excessive intake of wine. This last disturbed me as knowledge of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome has been ever present in my career. While my personal concerns are unchanged, I was not put off from completing this fascinating read that is full of foetal commentary, dark humour and irony due to the my own constraints of a book club recommendation. I would like to suggest that giving a foetus a voice beyond that of an unknowing unborn child may be a bit of unintended philosophy about our relationship with the child within the womb.

The narrator, is a foetus whose knowledge has been gleaned from hearing conversations between his mother, Trudy and her lover, Claude. Their conversations are usually about the murder of John, Trudy’s husband and the father of the foetus, leaving poor foetus in a limbo of a future outside of the womb. The foetus, mostly ignored, has become very wise, if not a bit grumpy, to the ways of the world in a quite convoluted fashion, listening to podcasts about wine, music and world affairs in the bits and pieces of Trudy’s choice, giving him an educated but fractured view of the world.

As always, book group discussion yesterday added nuances about this story as we each come from different backgrounds of education and experience. I, for one, had not recognized the parallels to William Shakespeares Hamlet. Regardless I enjoyed Nutshell and Ian McEwen’s ability to have me laughing out loud in a story that I easily could have set aside but am glad that I did not. This will not be everyone’s cup of tea - or glass of wine. For me, Nutshell by Ian McEwen will be on my list of books to re-read.

“Oh God, I could be bounded in a nutshell and count myself 

a King of infinite space—were it not for bad dreams.”

~ William Shakespeare, Hamlet

Title: Nutshell

Author: Ian McEwen

Copyright: 2016

Format:  Print and electronic

Hardcover - ISBN-978-0-345-81240-7

eBook -  ISBN-978-0-345-81242-1

Type: Novel

Publisher: Alfred A. Knopf Canada