Lost and Found
James Digby was thoughtful. His coffee was cold. Martha had warned him that it would be. It was their first spring in the cottage. He paced to the end of the porch. He could only imagine the daffodils in bloom. All he could really see were little shoots poking through the greening soil. It was still very early to really be called spring. He took a deep breath, picked up the trash and walked to the bins at the side of the house.
~~~~~
“No, James, if we eat outside, our food will be cold before we even get it set on the table. We can bundle up and go for a walk after we eat. “ James agreed. He often agreed with his wife. There wasn’t any point in arguing even the smallest point. He knew that they were both set in their ways. “Is dinner ready yet, dear?” Maybe he’d go outside on his own. Fresh air would help. He really didn’t know why he was so restless. “Sweetie, I’m going to take my coffee outside. I’ll be able to tell how much bundling up we need for a walk. Call me when it’s time eat.” Pouring another cup of coffee, he said. “I’ll take the trash out with me. Do you want me to check the bathroom for any more?” Martha stopped what she was doing. Wiping her hands on her apron, she turned to her husband. “James, darling, you really are just the sweetest man. But what’s got you so fussed. And don’t you shake your head. I can tell you when are worried.” She stood on her tiptoes and kissed his cheek. “You just go outside and I’ll call you when our dinner is ready.”
~~~~~
Neither James nor Martha and most of their friends had wondered if their marriage would be successful. After all, they weren’t young any more. Neither were Miss Emelina and Dr. Jeremy, but at least they weren’t ready to retire. Married just over a year, the Digbys were as comfortable as if they’d been married over twenty years. Whenever anyone brought it up to the Estate cook Elizabeth, she said it was because they’d worked together for at least that long. James shivered and shook his head. Muttering he said “I have no idea where my brother is anymore. I love Martha’s family, her grandchildren have always been like my own grandchildren…..I’d really like to have my own family close. Or at least have a phone number.” He shrugged his shoulders and took a deep breath. “All right, James Digby. Either start digging somewhere, hire someone or let it go. If Thomas wants to come back, he will.”
Just as he walked in the door, Martha was setting their food on the table. “There you are, dear. Now, come, sit down and eat. You can tell me what’s bothering you.” James had composed himself before coming in. “There’s nothing bothering me that fresh air and a good meal with my lovely wife can’t fix. Nothing is bothering me, dear. I’m just hungry and in need of that good walk that you suggested. It’s cool enough for a fairly heavy jacket. The wind is gone so it is still a lovely evening.” He was babbling. He knew it, Martha knew it, but they both just ate their dinner. Their meal was quiet. Only the click of forks on plates and ‘pass the potatoes please’. Martha did not believe her husband when he said there was nothing bothering him.
~~~~~
The silence from dinner walked with them on the outside. Finally Martha could stand it no longer. “James Digby, what on earth is wrong?! You talk too much, then you’re so quiet you might as well not even be in the room. Or on this walk with me. I might just as well be walking on my own.” She took her hand out of his and turned on her heel to go back to their cottage. “Martha, stop. I do have something bothering me, but it’s got nothing to do with you or even us. Not really.” She only slowed down. “Martha, it’s about my brother. Thomas. Do you remember him?” She stopped. “You haven’t heard from him for years! It must be well over ten years since he’s been here. Of course I remember him. The two of you seemed a bit stiff with each other, but got along just fine. Have you heard something about him?” She turned back to her husband and reached her hand out to him. “Now, tell me. What is it?”
James took a breath, squared his shoulders and took her hand. “I just want my own family around me, or at least be able to talk with Thomas. He is the only family I have left. You are my family, Martha. And your daughter and grandchildren are part of you. There has been a hole in me for many years. Before we were married, it was easy to just be James Digby. My family, Thomas were just memories that I ignored………no, let me finish. When we married, I was so warm inside that I finally was a part of a family ~ our family. I don’t even know if that makes sense. But each time the children would come over, especially when they called me Grandpa, it started to feel different. Still wonderful, but that hole I’d been ignoring seemed to get bigger and deeper. Sometime I was afraid I would fall right in. Now I just have to find a way……a way to plan, figure it out or make peace with it. There. Now I’m done.” He scrubbed his forehead and ran his hand through his immaculate hair.
Their walk continued, Martha quiet for some time. “James, whatever you decide to do you know I will help however I can. Make phone calls, write letters, anything. Thomas can’t have fallen off the face of the earth. Maybe he has been isolated away from everything like the rest of us, but he’s alone. Maybe he married and has his own family………I’m sorry James, I didn’t mean it……”
“Don’t worry Martha. It’s all right.” He squeezed her hand, let go and put his arm around her shoulders. She leaned against him. “We’ll find him.”
“Sticking with your family is what makes it a family.”
~ Mitch Albom, For One More Day
No comments:
Post a Comment