A Missed Opportunity - Writer's Ink April Assignment

Last month, when this topic was suggested, I instantly recalled a missed opportunity and knew I would write about it today. I’ve spent most of my time this morning, searching for the piece of paper that was so exciting to get in the mail that year. I’ve searched unsuccessfully through two file drawers, old diaries and even a couple of photo albums and am quite certain I’ve thrown it out as a memory I wish to forget, but that has never left me.

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I was living in Texas at the time, in a rancher with the mail box at the end of the sidewalk. Seeing the red flag raised, I had no idea what opportunity awaited me in the mail. Probably jumbled with bills and junk mail. I could have tossed it in the trash, but always opened mail from the United Nations. This bit of mail arrived sometime in 1996, I think. Obviously, I didn’t find the paper I was looking for this morning, or I would be clear about the date. 

The opportunity, in the form of an invitation from the Ambassador’s Circle of the United Nations Association, was to go on a trip to South Africa. It fit the dreams of a child to follow in the footsteps of the many speakers heard in church groups. It fit the dreams of the young adult that began nurses training with the desire to join CUSO (Canadian University Service Overseas) and participate in nursing volunteer work in other nations. And it fit, at the time, my present career move of working in Chemical Dependency Nursing. There had been many things, not to mention my own naiveté, that pushed those dreams to the back of the bus. But there it was, in black and white with blue U.N. logo at the top of the page. An opportunity to participate in a nursing expedition to sail across the water to Johannesburg, South Africa as a Chemical Dependency nurse as part of a United Nations program.

My head and heart swelled with excitement and pride. Once my excitement subsided just a bit, my mind started clicking off all the things that would be necessary to complete. But first things first. I contacted my sons and my siblings telling them of my exciting news. Some of them may remember. I had been in Texas for not quite 10 years, had a position on a Chemical Dependency Unit and was attending Texas Tech University where I acquired a Minor in Substance Abuse. Granted a place in an Honours Seminar, this invitation was just one more step in this path that had seemed so perfectly laid out for me. The possibilities seemed endless. 

What prevented me from pursuing this new and exciting goal? $5000.00. Five thousand dollars at a time when there was no extra, and debts loomed large. That was the cost of this invitation to step into so many parts of my dream. In today’s world, I would be frightened that the whole thing was a scam to separate me from my money. I do know I corresponded with them several times to develop further a check list of their requirements. I finally had to say ‘No thank you’ with an extremely heavy heart. I have learned with great difficulty to plant my feet firmly, to measure my steps carefully and to accept the opportunities that are do-able for me. 

“There was another life that I might have had, but I am having this one.”

~Kazoo Ishiguro