The UnKnown

I’m not going to sugar coat this. I am scared. Not all the time. When the fright seems to have passed, it really has moved very quietly to the farthest reaches at the back of the oldest part my brain. I believe that’s better known as the lizard brain. The part of the human brain that acts on survival instinct rather than reason. Lizards are really very beautiful critters. Their dappled and very thick skin. Big, blinking eyes. A wide mouth that almost seems to grin. I rather like them. But they, like many animals, act only on instinct. I like reason. I want to know the why of things. How can I work with something or should I set it aside? But that’s not the lizard brain thing. When lizard brain takes over then it seems time to hibernate, to dash away from real or perceived danger. The really sneaky part of that lizard brain ~ while I am asleep it creeps forward and greets me in the morning.

To counter that, there are strategies that so many others have taught me. Some of those people have left this earth, many are still in this viral thing with me, just as your family and friends are in this viral thing with you. Changing the silence in my home has always been a good thing ~ CBC and Michael Enright podcast Sunday Morning; Mary Hynes on Tapestry ~ an interview with Rabbi Kushner; contacting family and friends to know how they are coping……..any form of electronic connection. So many other activities popped up in my email basket. All of them respecting social distancing or self isolation. Walking in the sunshine this morning, cooking, cleaning, reading, viewing a history/documentary site on YouTube…….

Born and raised on a farm five miles from my hometown, we were isolated to a degree, when I was growing up. We were distanced from community but it was always accessible ~ even if it was to go to school. That was normal. Once living in the city, community has been all around us. We have coffee shops for visiting; restaurants for sharing meals ~ or someone else’s cooking; libraries with hundreds if not thousand of books. Now we are being asked, strongly asked, to distance or isolate from each other. And with very good reason. The transmission of this viral thing could very likely make us all very ill if we let it go unchecked.

So. What am I afraid of?  Not knowing past this minute. Or. What am I grateful for? So many things and people. For each of us it will be different given our life situation. For now, I have a clean refrigerator (that’s one thing I did this morning) with food to be cooked, a roof over my head, family and friends at a touch of this keyboard. Rabbi Kushner says that it’s not the situation but how we respond to the situation. Bless all of you out there in this crazy old world!

“Scared is what you’re feeling. Brave is what you’re doing.”

~ Emma Donoghue, Room