Chapter One, Episode 147 - Promise - Situationally Theirs

Review, Revision, Edit and Update

Revision to show, rather than tell, was my main task for this episode. It began with the very first paragraph. For someone falling asleep, the sentences were too 'sentence-y'. I don't know about you, but when I'm falling asleep thoughts come in fragments.

Another part of revision is rearranging sentences to improve the flow of the narrative. These sort of revisions were throughout this episode, including some wording changes.

A pleasant scene that needed, and was given, a lot of upgrading, I do believe I improved its readability.

Promise

The pillow was soft. The blankets warm. Emelina sank into the comfort of her sister’s bed, but sleep didn’t come easily. Awakened at three a.m.......a distress call from Jeremy.....arriving at Hartley General........a million questions .......someone had asked for her......Jeremy didn't have answers....didn't  see Mrs. Tyler.....only more questions.......thirty years crumpled and tossed away. Emmie cried, dozed fitfully, daylight squeezed through tightly pulled curtains......she was sixteen again.

~~~~~

The big window was smudged with fingers prints. Parents and grandparents that came to get just a glimpse of their newborn family member, touched the glass as though they could transmit their joy to the right baby. Emelina, in her fuzzy pink housecoat and fuzzy pink slippers, went everyday to see the baby. She was the third baby in the third row of bassinets. One of the nurses had pointed the swathed and tiny baby out to her. The name on the bassinet was Baby Eliot. Every day, Emelina would whisper, “I’ll find you someday.” But one day, when she looked for her little girl, she was no longer there. “Miss Eliot?” A nurse was at her shoulder. “The doctor wants to see you. He says you’re ready to go home.” Emelina looked at her without seeing her. “But my baby? She’s not there.”

~~~~~

Her eyes still closed, Emelina could hear someone moving around in another room. It didn’t feel like her own bed. She opened her eyes. The room, in semi darkness, was unfamiliar. She still had her clothes on. “Emmie? It’s Dez. Can I come in?” The bedroom door cracked open. Emmie remembered driving somewhere with Dez. A phone call from Jeremy? The hospital waiting room?  “Come in Dez. I don’t know where I am. I don’t know why I’m here. What time is it?” Dez pushed the door open with her foot, two cups of coffee in her hands. “It’s five o’clock in the evening, Em. You’ve been sleeping all day. Talking in your sleep a lot, but at least you slept. Here. Have some coffee. Are you hungry?”

“I’m starved, Dez.” Accepting the steaming hot coffee gratefully, Emelina took a careful sip. “Mmmmm, this coffee tastes good, thank you. I must look a mess. Sleeping in my clothes?” Emmie pulled the scrunchy out of her hair, tangled with stray strands and bunched up crookedly. Dez looked serious and worried about her big sister. “I managed to get your shoes and jacket off before you sent me away. Here, let me help you up.” After another sip of coffee, Emmie put it on the bedside table, standing stiffly. “Dez, I need a shower before I can think straight. Can I borrow some clean clothes from you?” 

~~~~~

While Emmie showered, Dez put quiet, slow jazz on to cut the silence of her apartment while she made soup and sandwiches for both of them. She set a bowl of fresh fruit on the table, lowered the heat under the soup and went into the living room. Thumbing through an outdated magazine while she waited, she was about to check on her sister, when the bathroom door opened. Dez called to her. “I’ve left you some clothes on the bed, Em. Supper’s ready. Just soup and sandwiches.” Dez put the magazine down and looked out her patio doors at the darkening evening. There was little wind to stir the branches below. Dez felt calmness surround her.

~~~~~

While they ate, there was no discussion of the trip to the hospital or the discoveries they had made there. “Soup’s good, Dez.”  Dez nodded. “It’s just regular tomato soup.” The slow jazz provided the evening with a gentle rhythm. “I called Digby and let him know you're in here with me. Do you want to stay tonight or should I drive you home?” Emmie finished her sandwich and last spoonful of soup. “I think I’d like to stay - if it’s all right - for a few days. Be close to the hospital.” Those were her sister's first words giving any indication that there was more thought about, than spoken. 

Emelina was no longer 16. Carrie was grown and had another life. What kind of life Emelina didn’t know. It didn’t matter. In her dreams, she remembered her promise. Awake, she remembered her dream. If Emelina and her daughter could have talked, she could have answered all her questions. That was not possible for now. Emelina knew it would take time, but she was willing to do what was necessary.

“I couldn’t keep you but I never left you either.”

~ Niharika Sah, Closure