Monochrome Feelings ~ A Story

The colour of sea and sky are a picture in monochrome. Only the billowing softness of the clouds differ from harsh, choppy waves. All is greyness and heavy damp. Ship’s flag hangs limply. Wilted against the flag pole, too sodden to flap in the brisk wind, it’s colors wrapped around the pole trying uselessly to avoid the rain. Morning had come too early and in the dark wet there had been little light until now. Stewards with steaming coffee stayed just inside doling out satin dark warmth. I’ve stepped outside not caring about the weather. Standing alone on the prow of the ship, I am separate from late breakfast chatter and clatter. There is a space ~ a void ~ in my heart as grey, troubled and dark as this day. I know I can step into the warmth and camaraderie of fellow travellers but cling to my loneliness as to a life raft. I do not want to hear all of their ideas and plans. The rain will soon end the captain reports. But will my tears. I have left a life behind with no return until this pain is eased in my heart. The pain will never truly be gone but will no longer flood my soul as the heavy rain and vast ocean flood around me. There is a loneliness that heals.

“Remember: the time you feel lonely is the time 

you most need to be by yourself. Life’s cruelest irony.”

~ Douglas Coupland, Shampoo Planet