Review, Revision, Edit and Update
When I review my work after several days or weeks, I am often surprised. What seemed great wording - or maybe just good -, fell a bit flat on review. Sometimes just plain confusing. My bruised ego aside, in several of the last paragraphs, I revised for clarity and excised any wordiness.
The challenge? Maintaining the intent of the passage. If dialogue needs revision - maintain the voice of the character. The latter is often more difficult.
Grown-Up
“Have you warmed up yet, Em? Here, have some more hot chocolate.” Dez Eliot had fallen asleep in her living room. Woken with a start by the building’s entry buzzer, she had stumbled to her door, and yelled into her answer phone. Just before she was about to slam the receiver down, she heard her sister’s voice: “Dez! Don’t hang up. It’s me - Emelina. Let me in - it’s freezing out here.”
~~~~~
“Yes, Dez, but more hot chocolate would be lovely. It’s so cosy in here. The fireplace, this old afghan. Mom made this didn’t she - or was it grandma?” Emelina was curled up on the sofa, covered and warm. Dez settled herself back into her chair, feet up on the ottoman with her cocoa. “I think it was mom. Grandma may have …….I think she did…..she gave mom the yarn from the big stash of yarn she always kept.” They were both silent. The electric fireplace hummed and warm air lent an air of sleepiness to the night.
“Em, have you and Jeremy…….”Dez, Jeremy and I……..” The sisters laughed and said simultaneously “You go first…..no, you go first.” Silence again. They looked at each other, both put their mugs on the coffee table, Emelina put her hand over her mouth and pointed at Dez: “Em, have you and Jeremy sorted out your living arrangements?” Dez ‘zipped her lip’, as if they were in their bedroom in their teens and pointed at Em. “Yes, it’s all sorted. But I want to ask….can I, I mean will you have room, can I stay here when Jeremy is working? It may not be all the time because I still need to be out at the Estate.”
“Of course you can, Em! We can share my bed or you can sleep on that sofa you’re sitting on. We can set up screens to give you privacy. I’ll help you with whatever you need, honey.” Dez had so often felt separate and even small around her big sister, so this opportunity was not about to be turned down. To herself, she thought There's no way I turn my back on my big sister. “Now, tell me how you two are managing this situation. Being married, dealing with the pandemic and with Jeremy working on the Covid unit at the hospital.”
“Well……” Emelina picked up her cocoa and settled on the sofa again., “Do you remember the green tape we had in Cook’s kitchen?” Emelina and Dez had been thrown together after ten years of estrangement. Early in the pandemic, they were both alone, needed each other and were thrown back together. They did have a hard time talking to each other. In a short time, they cordoned off the kitchen to keep their distance from once another; something they had done when as teenagers they had to share a bedroom. Keeping separate because of teenage angst, keeping separate to prevent viral contamination and now this.
“No. You don’t mean it. You and Jeremy taped your….I mean his….apartment? Where? Do you have rules like we did? “ Dez had been reaching for her hot chocolate, now her hand hung in the air. Her sister nodded “Absolutely, Dez. Green tape across the floor of his bedroom door, he can only use the ensuite bathroom off and half of the kitchen - the only time he can step across the line. When I take food in, I’ll be masked and gloved because we both have to touch the refrigerator. There’s other details but we’d be up all night and I’m about to fall asleep. That brings me to my next question. I’m sorry to spring this on you, but can I stay tonight, Dez? I really don’t like driving at night and in this snowy rain. I’ll have to go to gather some of my things in the morning - you know - tooth brush, toothpaste, and night clothes. I’ll be back in tomorrow for a couple of nights. Jeremy will be working for the next seven days.”
Dez picked up their mugs and took them to the kitchen, calling over her shoulder. “Sheets are in the hall closet - and extra blankets and pillows. We’d better get you to bed.”
“Sister is probably the most competitive relationship within the family,
but once the sisters are grown, it becomes the strongest relationship.
~ Margaret Mead
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