A Disclaimer

I’ll admit:

At each birthday, there is always
excitement rather than fear.

Fear bubbles to the surface about being

decrepit, in pain and debilitated

dependent

confused

wandering about with no clue

where I am 

who I am ~ for sure ~

being cold all the time

free floating worries
becoming invisible with no shadow

forgetting how to laugh ~ or that I should ~

lost memories

floods of old colliding memories

being alone

incontinence and diapers

fearful of people I have known and loved all my life

forgetting the names of ordinary things like pillow cases

I think this list is growing too long and

there may not be time to complete it.

I do have to drive

to work ~ nursing that I love ~ in an hour or so.

Oh ~ I guess that means

all of the things I am afraid of

are in the future.

Tomorrow?

Next week?

Next year?

Who knows?

Today, I know 

where my feet are

(and I am typing these words ~ writing, creating ~

without anyone standing over my shoulder.)

“I think you have to relax about aging.

What else can you do?”

~ Felicity Kendal