Endings

Many of us have had to make a decision about putting a pet down at the end of their life or due to incurable and severe illness. In July of 2006, I had such a decision to make. So this poem came from a stream of consciousness I wrote at the time I was making this decision about putting my last cat, Phoebe, down. It was a difficult decision - the responsibility of such a decision is immense and very painful. Much of what was written was about any experience of grief or loss in my life. This stream of consciousness took both sides of two 7" x 10" journal pages. I’ve edited out a lot of words!

Endings

Endings are just that ~ endings
They are what they are
In my deep thoughts
   Deep running thoughts 
Collecting in nooks and crannies
   of heart, mind and soul.

Memory with no wish to recognize what was
   Stopping the flow to laugh or cry.
       Slow the drift
          Lose the thread

Everyone has felt an ending
    Has endured this deep pain
Passing through it willingly or unwillingly
   With no help from others
enduring the same grief and loss

Memories of what was
Hang like laundry on the clothes line
   Long pants, underwear, filmy night gowns
      Torn and patched work clothes
All hanging under the same sun
   Drying from the moisture of a life lived
      Bleached by experience
Blowing gently or roughly by the winds of change 

There is power in choosing an ending
   Or choosing a response to an ending that is.
       Power that demands determination and great humility.

“You only grow by coming to the end of something 

and by beginning something else.”

~ John Irving, The World According to Garp