Chapter One, Episode 41 - What If? - Situationally Theirs

June 15, 2020
Review, Edit and Update:
This whole process of editing has really made me appreciate all the copy editors and editors out there that review the many books I have read. I can read, re-read and re-read again and still find issues. Today it's mostly been about punctuation - either too much or not enough. I also appreciate all my readers, who have kept on with me despite my many word crafting lapses. 

What If?

“Mom, why are you crying? And don’t tell me it’s allergies. I know the difference with you. So. You have been crying, haven’t you.”

“Maybe a little bit, but once the tears are flowing I get all congested and drippy, like allergies.” Martha, the Housekeeper at the Beaufort estate, had been over to the estate in the morning. Cheerful and happy, she told her daughter she wouldn’t be long. They kept their video chats open in order to maintain contact, and when Martha went out she would let Joanie know.

Joanie, Martha’s daughter, and Martha were having their afternoon tea over video chat. Martha didn’t know what she would have done if she did not have these afternoon chats. Her grandchildren put their beautiful faces up to the screen sideways, made silly faces then ‘Grandma, we have to go play now! Bye! We love you!’ Ben and Abby disappeared from the screen, off to their play room. Abby ran back and blew her grandma a big kiss, spun around and ran after her big brother Ben.

“Joanie, you always could see right through me even when you were little Ben’s age. To tell the truth, I don’t know what I’m crying about. Everything was fine until I went into that big empty kitchen. No minestrone soup bubbling. Cook not in the kitchen singing off key. The delicious aroma of bread baking missing. James’ office door seemed almost sealed shut. At least I had the children’s pictures and little finger-paint hand prints on my door. I just all of a sudden felt like I had a stone in my heart.”

Oh mom. It’s all this social distancing and isolation. I have the kids here with me everyday and if I could transport one or both of them over to you sometimes, I would. You’ve been so strong and patient through all of this. Are you sure that’s all that’s bothering you. Just the emptiness of it all?”

“I think so. Joanie, I’ll be fine. Just being a silly old woman. Of course, an empty kitchen isn’t something to cry over. Cook will soon be back at her big stove stirring a bit pot of soup or kneading dough for a big batch of cinnamon buns.” Martha starts to cry again. 

”Mom, what is it this time?”

“Nothing, dear. I guess I wasn’t finished with my tears.” Martha fiercely wiped her eyes the back of one hand. “There. See. I’m all dry now.” She brushed back her hair and sat up just a little too straight. “Now. Let me go put the kettle on. I think a I’d like another cup of tea. That other in the tea pot has been sitting too long and is not nice anymore. “ As she walked away from the computer, the dam burst again. All Joanie could hear was ‘Stop it! Just stop it!’ Then unintelligible muttering. All that Joanie could make out was something about ‘James’.

“There now, I’m ready to visit again. Are you out of cookies, because I am. Now that we can go out a bit to the store, I must buy a small bag of those good chocolate chip ones.”

Joanie sat back in her chair, smiling and listening to her mother carry on about cookies. She knew that she always had cookies for her children. “Mom, what are you not telling me. I heard you say something about James. Is that James the butler? What’s going on mom?”

“Oh that. That was nothing. I just saw James when I was leaving to come home. He was waiting to see Giles. He needed to know where the butter was. That’s all there was to that. I think Miss Dez, Miss Emelina’s sister, was out at the orchard.”

“Mom. Stop. You’re babbling. You always babble  when you’re nervous about something.”

“Well, Joanie. You don’t have to know everything.” Martha snapped at her daughter, unable to move the conversation to safer ground. 

“OK. I’ll tell you then. I just finished baking four dozen cookies yesterday, I’ve saved one dozen for you. So you won't have to buy cookies and if you come over here, I’ll put them on the front step. When can you come over?”

“Let me see. Right after we’re finished with our visit?”

Joanie was still smiling “And will you share them with James?”

“Joanie, stop it. I don’t even know if he likes chocolate chip cookies.”

“Of course you don’t know, mom, but to find out you just need to ask him. You know, talk to him. Outside of work, he’s not your supervisor. He’s just a good-looking man - those are your words.And you two are friends, aren’t you?”

“How on earth can I call him a friend? Yes, we are are friendly and he is very good looking but beyond that, he’s just the Butler and I’m just the Housekeeper. We were told when we were hired that there was to be no fraternization. Old Mrs. Beaufort’s strict words.”

“And no one has changed that little rule? But aside from that, here’s a ‘what if’ mom. What if he were to ask you out for a date? It wouldn’t be fancy because all the restaurants and the dancehall is closed. So what if he did anyway? Ask you out for a date? Maybe a walk?

“Why I don’t know what I would do or say. It would certainly take me by surprise. We have known each other for so long and he has never, ever even hinted that he would do such a thing. Oh, if we could only go dancing. I don’t even know if he dances.” Martha had a wistful far away look in her eyes at the thought of that handsome man holding her in he is arms while they waltzed away an evening under the stars. “I think I know what my answer would be, Joanie.”

“It’s fun to think of the what-if. Scary, but fun. It’s like, I thought this door 

was closed before, but here it is open just the tiniest crack. What if?”

~ Jenny Han, To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before