Survival
Searching for the old book was useless. Dez was puzzled. It was just an old ledger, but she’d been using it for a notebook, keeping track of the orchard and the apiary plans, expenses and income. There wasn’t much income to speak of……at all. Expenses were mounting. But where was that old thing?
Several months before, Dez’s sister Emelina had rented Martha Digby’s duplex for her. She hadn’t let go of her apartment in Hartley, only spending time at the duplex very occasionally. Martha’s duplex was - is - a lovely little home. She started bringing some of her furniture out to the Estate. A comfortable chair/futon that she could make out into a bed, some dishes and a table that she could use as a table, a desk or stacking things on. She really thought that the old ledger was on the table. Shuffling through the paper, clean clothes, last night’s plate from supper she thought she had found it. But, no, it was just more papers.
Dez poured herself a glass of water and sat in her chair. All she had to do was get a new notebook and start from scratch. If it turned up or if it didn’t the trees would produce apples and the bees would buzz. But there was history in that book, not just about the orchard or bees, but some ideas she had before even finding her sister again. Trips up island with lists of camping supplies, old phone numbers, an old photo of her on a pier somewhere holding up a quite ordinary fish ~ photo cracked and yellowed ~ taped in the inside cover and random grocery lists. Plans to go to art school ~ the phone numbers and locations ~ with even a time line ~ ten years ago. Inside the back cover, she had sketched a vision of a walking path for workshops. Emelina didn’t know about it because it was on the Estate jogging track. After all, it was only passing idea.
~~~~~
Dez heard the front door close quietly. Turning over, she opened one eye to the sunbeam that escaped the curtains. She could have stayed at Martha’s duplex, but she and her sister had sat up too late. It wasn’t the dark she was concerned about, it was the rain. And it was easier, and warmer, to just take Em up on her invitation to stay the night.
She turned over, pulling the covers up to her chin. Should she tell Em about that walking path/workshop thing? It might cover some of the expenses for the orchard. No, she was too sleepy and cosy to be making something new out of an old idea.With that, she dozed off again.
~~~~~
"Dez? You still asleep?" Dez rolled over. "Not now, Em. You were up early. Do I smell coffee?" She sat up, clutching the covers around her, not ready for the cool of the morning outside of her nest. "Yes, and I have your's here. But you'll have to let go of the covers to take it from me. Cook is making breakfast for us, so it's time to get up." Dez held the mug warming her hands. "In a minute, Em."
"Here's a housecoat for you. Give me your coffee and get up, shower and let's get some food." Dez pulled back from her sister's offer to hold her coffee. "Don't worry, I'll give it back when you're in the bathroom. I've told Cook we'll be down in about twenty minute so help me out here, Dez."
~~~~~
After a big breakfast of 'Cook's Own Omelet', toast, orange juice and coffee, the two sisters were back upstairs. Before retiring upstairs, they had cleared away the breakfast dishes while Cook finished her tea. Ignoring Cook's grumbling, they just carried on with their tidying. Upstairs, cautiously, Dez said "Em, I want to talk to you about something. It's just an old idea, a pretty old one, before I even knew where you were." She stopped. "It would bring paying people onto the estate that would support the orchard........."
"Dez, stop going on and just tell me what you're talking about. Would it have anything to do with this sketch?" She held up the battered old ledger Dez had been looking for, open at the back cover. "Where did you find that!?" Dez tried to grab the ledger out of her sister's hand. Em pulled it behind her. "Well?"
"Give that to me, Em! You hate it, don't you? Why didn't you tell me you had it? I've been searching all my things at the duplex and thought I'd lost it."
Emelina smiled."I think it's an idea worth looking into, Dez. But why here?" Her sister walked to the window overlooking the track. "I don't know what you're going to say but......... " Her words trailed off. "But what, Dez?"
"It's about the orchard and the bees and what it's costing the Estate." She held up her hand when she saw her sister about to say something. "If you looked through the ledger, you may have noticed the expense and income are pretty unbalanced. I know Michael left you well off, but are you...... I guess it's none of my business." She turned to face her sister. Emelina was sitting, head down and very quiet. Too quiet. She looked up. "I didn't want you to know. I haven't even talked with Digby about it. Although I'm sure he already knows and doesn't want to tell me." She got quiet again. After a pause, she said "I don't even know if we're really in trouble. I just know we've ~ I've spent a lot of money and haven't paid attention to what amount of money is coming in. When I try to go over the books with Digby, it's just all Greek to me." A tear slid down her cheek.
Dez could feel the anguish rolling off her sister. "Em, don't worry. That's silly of me to say. You've been carrying this load all on your own. Keeping everything to yourself. Just like when you were a kid. What was it mom used to say? "You don't have to be responsible for everything and everyone, Emelina. Ask me or your father for help. At school go to your teachers." Taking a breath, she continued. "My vision may not be a solution at all, just spending more of the money you're afraid is gone. But we do need to talk to Digby, and maybe even the accountant, before we do anything else. And it is the both of us, Em. I'm not clinging to you to survive, I want to help you survive.
"Nothing is better for self-esteem than survival."
~ Martha Gellhorn, Travels With Myself and Another
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