My journal: Nov. 22 2016. Long before I retired, or moved, or the invasion of this virus. I was working on writing exercises that month, specifically Creating Settings. I rather liked the setting and story I created on that day. It also seemed to fit this November's Permission theme. Giving permission to ourselves to feel our feelings is important. This time of year, as the Christmas season ramps up, it is too easy to ignore our feelings in our rush to fix one more Christmas. In this time of Covid 19, far too many of us in cities, towns or country are alone. So here is my little piece:
Standing Alone
“The colour of the sea and the sky are one. Only the softness of the clouds is different from the choppy waves. All is greyness and damp. The ships flag hangs limply, wilted against the flag, too wet to be flapping in the brisk wind, wrapped around the pole trying to get out of the rain. Morning came early and in the dark wet there was little light. Only from inside the ship. Where stewards with urns of steaming coffee were posted just inside the portals. Stepping outside, not caring about the weather, I stood alone on the prow, away from the heat of the great body of passengers stirring inside the great town-ship. There is a space, a void in my heart that is as gray and dark as the morning. I know I can step inside to the warmth and camaraderie of the ship, but cling to my loneliness as one clings to a life raft. The captain says the rain will soon stop, but will my tears? I have left a life behind me that I can’t return to until I have released the pain from my heart to the elements. A pain never truly gone but no longer flooding my soul as the rains and the ocean flood all around me. There is a loneliness that heals.”
“Remember: the time you feel lonely is the time
you most need to be by yourself. Life’s cruelest irony.”
~ Douglas Coupland, Shampoo Planet
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