Who Knows?
Jeremy was back at work, the hospital filling up with colds, influenza and of course, Covid19 cases. Emelina was stumping around the Estate kitchen with her sprained ankle. It was bit of a process to get upstairs to bed, but once she was downstairs she stayed downstairs. She didn’t stir from home for several days and was bored. Digby finally put her to work on organizing taxes to get to the accountant. He didn’t really need the extra help but wanted to keep her occupied.
Dez and Matt had disappeared after getting the Crawfords back from their ski trip. They did stay long enough to have supper with them. Jeremy wanted to get Em to bed and off her feet. Barely eating the delicious supper Cook had prepared, conversation was full of pauses so Cook shooed them away. “Get on with you, I’ll clear this up. Miss Dez, do you want to take any leftovers?” Dez looked at Matt who only shrugged. “No thanks, Cook. We’ll be fine.”
~~~~
“That little bit of snow we got last night, isn’t going to stay long.” Matt was looking out the back window. Dez poured her morning coffee and joined him. “Thanks for making the coffee this morning.” A few flakes of snow drifted past the window. Silence grew heavy with questions. Matt, still staring out the window, said “If we’re going to continue, I need to tell you about someone.” Dez's stomach twisted, but she stayed silent. When the pause felt like a rubber band about to snap, she said “What is it, Matt? Who is it?” She was prepared to say ‘It’s been a slice, Matt’ and ask him to leave. She’d been alone for a long time and she could just go back to her old life. She wished he would quit staring out the window. Not saying anything. Who did he think he was? Who did he think she was? Just a good time for a few one night stands? The more she thought, the longer he was so silent, her anger grew almost too big for her to manage. She turned away, emptied her coffee into the sink, rinsed the cup and very carefully turned it upside down to drain. Matt finally moved. “Dez. I have a son. I don’t get to see him that often but he’s my…” His voice broke, he took a breath. He wanted to say ‘He’s my heart’ but couldn’t “He’s twelve years old. My ex doesn’t want me to see him at all, but my lawyer has got me some limited time with him.” The anger that had been gripping Dez fizzled out. “That’s what you’re worried about? What’s his name? How often do you get to see him?” Questions bubbled up in her head. “This is exciting, Matt. When can I meet him……..” Hesitating, she could tell Matt needed more space than she was giving him. “Let’s have some breakfast. You can tell me all about him and if I can help in any way.” When Matt turned to her, he had tears in his eyes. For a man that prided himself on self control, he had just given himself away. “I couldn’t tell you before because I had to be sure. We’ve been spending more and more time together. Relationships have not been very successful for me ~ I guess I’ve not been very good at them. His name is Sean.” Matt grinned “He kind of looks like me when I was that age.”
~~~~~
“I guess we’ve hit the first bump in the road.” Finally getting all this custody stuff out in the open, Matt could finally breathe easy. Believing he had to keep it all to himself, he was getting more nervous with each day that passed. Promises to himself never to be in a relationship again had slowly eroded. When he woke up beside Dez that morning, he knew it was time to talk about Sean. If she couldn’t handle having to share him with Sean, he would have to shut it off. Definitely hard to do, but not as hard as giving up his son. Dez broke into his thoughts. “My mom told me ‘it’s the bumps in the road that make life worthwhile’. A teenager, I didn’t believe her for a long time. Took a few years of bumpy roads until I finally agreed with her.” Matt looked squarely at her “Ok, so here’s the next bump ~ I have a custody day with him today and tomorrow. He can stay with me for a night, but I can’t have anyone with me ~ like a girlfriend.” Swallowing hard, he was watching for any sign that she would be mad. “Ok. So you and I will take a couple of days off. I’m a big girl, I think I can handle it. Em probably needs to get out of the house before she drives everyone over there crazy.” Matt had tensed for a big fight. When it didn’t happen, he didn’t quite know how to react. “Um…really? Can I ask you one more thing?” He tensed again, but not quite as much. “Ask away, Matt. Whatever you need.” Stunned again, Matt was not used to this strangely comfortable back and forth. “Ok, here it is. Please don’t tell anyone about Sean until we’ve had a couple of weekends together. I’m going to see what my lawyer can do so you and Sean can meet.” He took her hands in his. “Absolutely. My lips are sealed. It’s going to be tough, especially with Em, but for you, I can worry about her ankle, take her into town to see Jeremy, go to lunch or a movie.” Matt leaned in “Here, let me seal your lips just little better.” She took his face in her hands. “I think that would be best ~ we do need to be sure.”
~~~~~
“He longed for certainty, and was afraid of it.”
~ Oscar Wilde, Lord Arthur Savile’s Crime
No comments:
Post a Comment